(Closed) Discouraged-when to call it quits

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
3586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

I would be doing deep self examination to  undersand why you want to “move forward” with this guy who doesn’t value you. According to your words, you are doing all of the planning and sacrificing to get together.

His lack of involvement at holiday time is key.

His drinking must be a problem but your post is incoherent about it.

This is not a good relationship and I’m sorry that you can’t see that. And I am sorry for your little boy who is involved in all of this.




  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  .
Post # 3
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague


FauxPas2012:  Completely.

Exactly what is the appeal here? Call it quits NOW. You and your child are better off alone.

Post # 5
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Basically echoing others, but what are the pros here? When I had a problem with my now husband several years ago, I took a week to myself. I listed the pros and cons, and tried to look at it from the outside. I would much rather leave after two years than 15. 

Post # 6
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This guy has no interest in marrying you. The drinking, showing no effort and lack of wishing to move forward, are a dead giveaway. 

Your 7 yo deserves better and you do too.

Post # 7
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

Sounds like your child deserves a better father. This guy doesn’t sound like he wants to lift a finger for you, plus he’s obviously never been in a serious relationship before.. are you sure you want to bind yourself to him via marriage?

You and your son will be much happier without a man like that in your life! Plus drinking is a red flag for me.

Post # 8
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Keeporthrowback:  Let him put the effort in if he really wants to be with you. You shouldn’t be the only one sacrificing and going to him all the time. You’re making it easy for him to be with you but I have a feeling that if you stopped, the relationship would fall apart. Try hanging back for a while, not going to his place, and you’ll see what I mean. If he cares, he’ll show you that. If not, move on. You deserve someone who strives to be with you every second of every day and who doesn’t need a timeline because he can’t wait to marry you.

Post # 9
2585 posts
Sugar bee

Keeporthrowback:  i know there is a lot missing from your story here and you cant explain all the wonderful things about him over one post but…..

wake up lady. Why would you want your 6 year old around someone who has a drinking problem and refuses to admit it? Marriage is not going to ease that or take it away. It is only going to progress and get worse until he gets help. and this is coming from someone who has a a now sober 5 years SO.

I also dont know why you included that part about him not getting u anything for xmas? is that around the time you started to notice the drinking? Is that to show he is selfish (always making you drive to see him etc)? 

If he cant get his shit together then there is nothing you can do. You can however, get your shit together and move on for the sake of your child. 

Post # 11
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Keeporthrowback:  Life is hard enough without choosing someone hard to live it with….so why do you want to choose him? Especially given you have a son who really needs stability and a good male example in his life.

Post # 12
2434 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m really sorry you are subjecting your 7 year old to all this instability.

Post # 13
1499 posts
Bumble bee

It doesn’t sound like you two are anywhere near ready for marriage. There are so many issues that need to be worked out, marriage is NOT the answer here. 

You need to decide if you love this guy enough to help him realize and work through his drinking problem. It’s not going to go away. You mention that it’s an issue, but nearly in the same sentence you say you want to move forward with him… When you have a son, this complicates things because he definitely doesn’t sound like a good example. But that’s not to say that he can’t be helped.

You need to deal with the present before you should even think of the future.

Post # 14
4233 posts
Honey bee

Agreeing with the other bees- I would have called it quits the first time he left. He’s inconsiderate, lazy, has a drinking problem and doesn’t want to marry you- why do you want him in your (and your son’s) life? From the sound of it, you’re the only one making an effort in the relationship.

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