Post # 1
I found out today that my boyfriend is planning on proposing at Christmas and i saw the ring. Its no big surprise so Im not too put out that ive ruined the surprise for myself. However, my main concern was the ring. It was nothing like I’d ever chose for myself and is nothing like I ever imagined as an engagement ring. For starters its a ruby ring and its never ever crossed my mind that he would get me any other ring than a diamond one. Its a bit of an odd design too and i just like the traditional trilogy or solitair rings. I feel gutted that i dont like it and ive tried to come to terms with it today but i truly dont think i can wear that ring for the rest of my life. Its just not me at all. So now i have the dilema when he does pop the question of how to tell him that i hate the ring (obviously once we’ve finished celebrating and using not such strong words). I think he’ll be ok about it but its heart wrenching that he’s picked it himself but i cant stand it. And im sort of feeling cross at him for spending so much on such a risky choice for a ring. Any ideas about how i can break it to him gently?
Post # 2
I am curious on how you found the ring.
When the timing is right, which you already know, maybe say it is a lovely accessory ring but you would prefere a more tradition (IE- diamond) ring for the long run. You should shop make a date to go to lunch, the movies and go ring shopping together without the expectation of purchasing on the spot.
Post # 3
Is it possible that it’s a family ring with a lot of meaning to him? I would hear him out about why he chose this particular ring and genuinely try to get to like it before you decide anything.
Post # 4
I agree with this. And if the cost of a diamond is an issue for him (I’m wondering if that’s why he got a ruby), maybe you can check out moissanite?
Post # 5
Did you ever discuss rings with him at all? If not, he’s not going to have a clue what you wanted. Maybe he likes the symbolism of using red for a Christmas proposal. Or is it your or his birthstone? Or as another suggested, an heirloom ring? I wish we could see it, but obviously you can’t keep busting in on it to take pictures or you’ll get caught… Sounds like it could be pretty though.
Post # 6
Is it possible this is a Christmas present and not an engagement ring??
Post # 7
Well you could go ring shopping with him to show him what you like in a casual way, or if you happen to see a ring you like on tv or a picture point it out to him and tell him you just love it and have dreamed of a ring like it. Depends on where you two are at in the pre engagement on how you could discuss it with him passively before he proposes. But before I personally would mention the ring he got you, I would wait until you actually get it. It could be a present. Then afterward discuss that you’d prefer a diamond. I may would come to love it unless like you said it just was not something I could! He obviously got it in hopes you would love it. just my thoughts. Good luck
Post # 9
Just chiming in, in solidarity. Last Christmas my wonderful now-husband proposed with a gemstone ring (sapphire) that his mother sent in the mail. It’s a beautiful ring, but I’d always imagined a diamond at the proposal – I’m very traditional, and honestly – I’ve spent a year trying to love the ring, but just can’t get there. It’s not me at all. It also bothers me that my husband didn’t pick out and purchase the ring that represented our commitment (particularly since his mother is so uninvolved in our lives – there’s no warm sentiment attached.)
It bums me out, but I’ve never told my husband so. We ended up having a custom wedding band made that is my taste, so that holds all of the sentiment for me. I don’t wear the engagement ring all that much. I do wish that he’d approached me about a gemstone ring before proposing – I would have let him know that even a small diamond that he picked out himself would have been far preferable. But that ship has sailed!
Please let us know how it all turns out. My fingers are crossed that it was a Christmas gift, and not your engagement ring!