- 7 years ago
My partner has had a history of anxiety, which we have discussed and when he has had a few downtimes/anxiety episodes over the last few years, we’ve worked through it. It hasnt been a big deal. He is very stressed right now as he recently started a new intense positon. He has exhibited some anxiety but no big problems and we have been discussing things.
He has been traveling for the last two weeks so I have not seen him, but we talked daily and he has sounded tired but fine. He told me he warded off a panic attack during a rough day. Well he got back last night. I stayed at his house last night and when we went to sleep I started to rub his side, burrow into his chest etc. He kind of pushed me away and asked me to sleep in front of him instead of behind. He said he was just a little sore and needed me to not touch his chest. It sounded so strange so I asked him what happened. He said he was just extra sore from working out. I took him at his word and left it alone.
This morning he was getting ready in the walk in closet when his phone rang. I popped in to hand it to him and he had his shirt off. He jumped and told me to get out. I was shocked at what I saw: a deep dark gash on his lower side/ab area. Obviously when he came out I asked him what happened. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I asked him what was wrong, was he ok etc. and he then told me that “he cut himself”. He went on to say that sometimes when he is anxious, he cuts himself, to feel better.I won’t detail the whole conversation but there was crying and admission that some of the old scars he has on his wrist and legs (which I never questioned) were also from cutting. Now they are all I can see.
I feel overwhelmed. I want to a)help him b)keep our relationship healthy c)understand. We’ve been together nearly two years and I feel very conflicted taht he did not tell me this. He said it was the first cut in nearly five years. I don’t know what to believe or how concerned I should be. I have asked him to return to therapy, which he is unsure about. He did agree to leave me his blick knives before he left for the day. Though Im sure he has more at his studio.
We have a wonderful partnership, I love him deeply. He’s a lot of fun, kind, and good willed. I just don’t know what to do here. If youve been through this, Id like to hear from you. Thanks.