(Closed) Discuss: Broken engagement. Who should get the engagement ring?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
  • poll: Who do you think should keep the ring? Choose all that apply.
    The giver; since the engagement didn't result in marriage : (63 votes)
    22 %
    The giver; if the ring was an heirloom from their family : (65 votes)
    23 %
    The giver; if they still owe money on the ring and the recipient won't pay for it. : (27 votes)
    10 %
    The recipient; a gift is a gift no matter what the circumstances : (21 votes)
    7 %
    The recipient; if he/she can prove they helped pay for the ring : (17 votes)
    6 %
    The recipient; if he/she is willing to pay the giver for the ring : (13 votes)
    5 %
    Whoever breaks the engagement doesn't get the ring. : (75 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 2
    376 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

    I voted for “the giver” if it’s an heirloom. And “a gift is a gift”, but honestly, I’m leaning WAY more with “If you broke off the engagement, you don’t keep it.” You broke it off, why would you even want the ring? 

    Post # 3
    3712 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I think 99% of the time it should be given back to the giver. I could see keeping the ring and selling it if the giver cheated on the other person after a significant amount of money had been spent of the wedding preparations. I’d sell it as compensation. I think heirlooms should always be given back to the family from which they came. I honestly dont know all the laws regarding these circumstances, so this is all coming from hypothetical emotional responses. 

    Post # 4
    624 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2019

    Depends on your state justice system.  

    I don’t need a ring cause i can afford to buy myself my own.  I’ll give that back–as it symbolizes nothing but a broken promise to me At that point. 

    Post # 5
    1310 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Law differs depending on where you live. I’m a little troubled that so many of your threads are about breaking up, cheating, divorce, etc. Are you sure about getting married?

    Post # 6
    1065 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017

    countingstars:  simple one for me, the person wearing the ring keeps it, unless and only these two reasons, would make me give it back, I had broken the relationship because of my behaviour, or it was a heirloom.  If he broke it off, tough luck I made a promise and had every intention of following through for the rest of my life. 

    Post # 7
    2627 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

    My understanding was that if the giver breaks off the engagement, the receiver keeps the ring as compensation. However, if the receiver breaks it off, it must be returned to the giver. 


    Post # 9
    4085 posts
    Honey bee

    countingstars:  if the giver still owes money on it, or if it’s an heirloom, I think the giver should keep it. Actually, TBH, I feel the giver should get it back regardless of the situation. 

    Post # 10
    3611 posts
    Sugar bee

    Check Westlaw. This situation has probably been covered at some point in all 50 states. (Or if you don’t have a sub, it’s probably on Google too.)

    Post # 11
    3541 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    I grew up with the etiquette rule “who ever breaks the engagement forfeits the ring”.  

    Actual case law doesn’t not always agree, however. 

    Post # 12
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee

    If the ring is given in comtemplation of marriage the ring is returned to the giver.  I know for a fact, I went to the Judge Judy School of Law!

    Post # 13
    929 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    My thoughts are that the person who breaks off the engagement shouldn’t get the ring, UNLESS it was a family heirloom then it should go back to the person to who’s family it belongs. 

    Post # 14
    47213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    countingstars:  Why would anyone want to keep an engagement ring from a failed engagement?

    It seems a bit money grubber-ish to me.

    Post # 15
    196 posts
    Blushing bee

    I read somewhere that if the engagement ring was given at a time where it could be proven it was a present and not just a promise to marry, (Christmas morning, birthday…) the courts consider that to be a gift and not applicable to the usual law. 

    I don’t know how true that is, but it’s an interesting thought!

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