Discuss: Taking Husband's Last Name, Using Mrs. Husband's Name, History&Thoughts

posted 5 months ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Which do you prefer and use (or will use)?
    Mrs. John Doe : (5 votes)
    6 %
    Mrs. Jane Doe : (38 votes)
    46 %
    Ms. Jane Doe : (5 votes)
    6 %
    Ms. Jane Maidenname : (19 votes)
    23 %
    Mrs. Jane Maidenname : (8 votes)
    10 %
    Miss Jane Maidenname : (0 votes)
    Other? If so, what? : (8 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    833 posts
    Busy bee

    Personally the idea of changing my last name really bothers me. It feels weird and I don’t like hearing people call me Mrs. Hislastname.  But it seems to be really important to him so I think I will take my maiden name as my middle name and take his last name. This way I can still refer to myself as “first name maiden name” but for legal things and children I guess we will have the same last name. It definitely bothers me because my mom never changed her name and it seems so conformist. Idk. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I’m planning on changing my last name to my FI’s last name. I have no attachment to my last name, for some reason it’s never been a huge part of my identity, possibly because I have no attachment to my father, possibly because I’ve always thought that I’d change my last name, most likely both. And I just like the idea of having the same last name as my husband. The history of why people started doing it is terrible, however now it is my CHOICE. I know that I don’t HAVE to change my last name, I know that my Fiance would absolutely support me keeping my last name, but I am making the choice that I want to change it.

    As for Ms. versus Mrs., I’ve never really thought about it. Mrs. sounds a bit old to me, but doesn’t really bother me. I don’t know when I’ll be addressed with Ms. or Mrs. in the future, I guess for wedding invites? But people my age, in my social circle at least, aren’t putting Ms or Mrs. or Mr. on wedding invites anymore, so not sure if it’ll even come up then.

    I DO have an issue being called Mrs. John Doe. My first name IS a huge part of my identity, and to take that from me seems just wrong. I am definitely going to be specifically addressing that with my reverend and my DJ, to make sure that neither of them announce us as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.

    Post # 34
    Member
    757 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    cherry3b :  I consider myself a feminist. Well aware of womens history and how hard we have fought to get the rights we have and how much more needs done.

    I will still take my FH’s last name and be Mrs. Mel2 FHLASTNAME

    I think the history is interesting, but it shouldnt dictate the current. My FH doesnt think of me as property. Its purely my choice to keep my name or take his and he is happy with either option. Our relationship is very equal and progressive.

    My maiden name was an adopted name that does not reflect my heritage and for a family I do not speak to. I was married once before and kept his name when he divorced for the sake of our son. But my son is almost 16 so at this point I feel fine changing it to match my FH’s name.

     

    Post # 35
    Member
    981 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I took my husband’s last name so I go by my first name and his last name. But if people call me something different, it’s not a big deal to me.

    Post # 36
    Member
    2331 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

    I think woemn should be allowed to be called whatever they want. Some women love the whole “now you’re Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName.” I personally hate that. I’m my own person. I have my own name. 

    I decided to not change my name at all. Legally, I go by my maiden name. Professionally, I add my husband’s last name to mine Ex: Susan Johnson Smith. But plenty of people call me Mrs. Smith socially and I don’t mind. 

    I find the changing last names tradition really odd so this was really interesting. I have talked to my friends in Europe (I’m in the US) and a lot of them find it weird that women are so excited to change their names in the United States so fast. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2019

    I’m taking his name simply because mine is long and difficult to pronounce and spell and I’m sick of dealing with that. I be cutting the number of letters in my last name by half. I will also continue to use Ms. I really don’t like Mrs. If someone accidentally calls me Mrs it wouldn’t be the end of the world, if it was someone who will continue to be in my life I would let them know I prefer Ms and if it was a stranger I’d just let it go. However if anyone ever calls me Mrs. HisFirst HisLast I’d probably blow a gasket. Thankfully I don’t think anyone says that anymore except perhaps the very elderly as it was commonplace for them. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    Not yet married but when we do I am hypenating, so I will be Ms. MyFirst MyLast-HisLast and would prefer to be called that. Sometimes I feel petty for insisting on the Ms., but then I see threads like this and feel better 🙂

    I expect we will occasionally be referred to as “the HisLasts” or Mr. and Mrs. HisLast and while I don’t think I’ll be upset about that, if it happened a lot I probably would be.

    Post # 39
    Member
    2331 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

    I had originally planned to change my last name, but it took too long to get our marriage license and I decided not to bother. 

    I’m really glad I didn’t. It does kind of bother me in this day and age women blindly assume a new identity based on couplehood. It’s weird if you think about it. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: City, State

    My husband and I combined both of ours together and created a new last name, we both had to go through the last name changing process … This works for the both of us. 

    Post # 41
    Hostess
    7644 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2019

    I never had any intention of changing my name, I have said a few times here that – each to their own, I, of course, don’t have a problem with a woman taking her husbands last name, but it is not for me. My Fiance is actually taking mine so I will just change my prefix from Miss to Mrs. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee

    im so glad to have come across this post!

     

    I want to keep my lastname, but will have his name hyphenated. ive been married for 4 months now, but havent had the chance to get around it.

    But should I use MS mylastname-Hislastname or MRS mylastname-Hislastname?

    Post # 43
    Member
    1446 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY

    I don’t believe that taking your husband’s last name destroys your individuality, and I’ll never believe that way. I don’t really have a preference on “Mrs. John Doe” or “Mrs. Jane Doe” but either way, his name will become mine and that doesn’t make me any different than the person I was before I married him. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m interested for people who say it’s “just their choice” if they have thoughts on the fact that the majority of women take their husbands names and almost no husbands take their wife’s name?

    It seems to me that that reflects the fact there are actually strong social pressures that guide those choices —- it’s not “JUST” your choice. If it were, men would make the same choice about as often. And those social pressures come from a long history when women weren’t treated as equal. 

    To me, it seems like taking your husbands name contributes to that social pressure by reinforcing the social norm. It’s the linguistic equivalent of de facto housing segregation. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    421 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2019 - City, State

    I am taking SO’s last name. I was married once before and didn’t change my name. Thank goodness for that. There is just something different this time around. I also don’t feel a strong connection with my maiden name and I’ve had so much family drama in the past that I am actually happy to get rid of my maiden name. I am keeping my first, middle, and taking his last name. 

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