Post # 46
I’m going to take my SO’s last name. It’s important to me to have the same last name as my future children. My SO already has two kids who carry his last name, so him changing his name to mine is out. I’m debating moving my maiden name to replace my middle, but I might just drop it.
I hyphenated in my last marriage, and it was kind of a nightmare. Most people would just call me by his last name and drop mine anyway. I’ve been divorced for almost 3 years and I still get called Mrs. ExLastName sometimes lol.
Post # 47
I’m interested for people who say it’s “just their choice” if they have thoughts on the fact that the majority of women take their husbands names and almost no husbands take their wife’s name?
It seems to me that that reflects the fact there are actually strong social pressures that guide those choices —- it’s not “JUST” your choice. If it were, men would make the same choice about as often. And those social pressures come from a long history when women weren’t treated as equal.
To me, it seems like taking your husbands name contributes to that social pressure by reinforcing the social norm. It’s the linguistic equivalent of de facto housing segregation.
This is a big reason I didn’t change my name. It seems interesting to me that women are the ones who always have to sacrifice their names when they get married. Men seem to feel strongly about sharing a name, but most refuse to do anything to reach that goal other than pressure their fiances into changing their names. I agree that it’s not just your choice when only the female half seem able or willing to make that choice. Especially since men seem to find it emasculating for them to take the woman’s name.
Post # 48
My future husband and I will be merging our names – he has a double-barreled but will drop his generic name think Fitzgerald – James (he would drop the James) and will be adding in my last name in its place to create a new name but one that is distinctly linked to our lines names.
I think it is a nice way to join our two families, I don’t lose my name which I love and was not willing to give up and yet we still will all share the same last name including kids. At first, he was against the idea of changing his name but I said to him, I dislike how you completely understand the connection to a name and the desire to keep it, yet because I am a woman you can’t respect my feelings on it and automatically mark them as less important than yours.
After more discussions, he came around to the idea – but ultimately had he not, I would have kept my maiden name and we would have needed to figure out what happens to the kids when they were on the table.
I am thankful I have such an open-minded and modern man who was willing to listen and compromise as not many have the same luck.