No confirmed fertility issues, but I did have several treatments for abnormal cells in my late teens and early 20s that meant carrying a pregnancy would be more complicated AND my mother and grandmother both had multiple miscarriages (between 8 – 15 each) so a genetic specialist I was seeing for other issues once told me that it is possible my family carries a certain mutation I could be tested for that increeases risk of miscarriages.
But, none of thaf matters. I am childfree as ultimately I do not *want* children or *want* parenthood. In my teens and twenties I still thought I would one day want them (because that is the narrative right – everyone wants them eventually!) but procrastinated having them and made a commitment I would not have kids until the desire was truly there AND it made sense in my life. But ultimately, as I got older, it turned out the desire was there…not to have them. This came as I got more into my career and living my life on my own terms (experiences, etc) but the impetus was really meeting and marrying my husband – I realized, wow, I did nor want to add extra people to *our* relationship, to change our dynamic from life partners, to parents, and so on, what ee had was special and I wanted to nurture that, not throw in the hand grenade of a baby (as Nora Ephron calls new babies in marriages).
Ultimately, I want my life to be my own and I just do not want kids or parenthood. Of course, there are many reasons I support that “unwant”. Everyone is different, but *my* ideal for my life is one best lived is without kids. I enjoy my personal space, quiet time, freedoms, ability to travel relatively unencumbered, to participate in hobbies that are not compatible with responsibilities of parenthood, to take financial risks (i.e. open a new business), to devote time to my career, to go to the gym when I want, to make last minute plans on a weekday or to go away for weekend, to binge watch non-PG television shows, to eat or not eat dinner when I want, to sleep in on weekends, to not be driving children from one thing to the next, to save for retirement with my husband not college or univeristy (again!), to not be sucking snot out of baby noses or wiping baby shit off walls, to never worry about tearing my vagina to shreds, to not worry about passing on certain hereditary risks, to not be caretaking after others, to have plenty of quality time with my husband, to always see each other as romantic life partners, not “ask your dad or “ask your mum”, I have sort of always felt “been there and done that” as I was oldest sibling and helped care for my younger siblings, the list is endless. Oh yeah, and a rather big one is that I rather dislike children. I have zero interest in babies (I am the one who closes my office door she someone brings in babies for others to coo over) and find other children at best “tolerable for very short periods of time”, even if I am related to them. As a whole, I find then irritating, needy and demanding, uncute, loud, sticky, repetetitive, dull, and so on. The occasional kid is more interesting but still has the kid traits.Give me cats anyday.
Any what ifs I have are in the context of seeing others my age with kids, young or old, and thinking “I am so glad that is not the life I chose”. I had an abortion after an unplanned pregnancy (birth control failure) when I was very young and so am very keenly aware how different my life could have been. Over 20 years later and that abortion was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I am 36. I am sterilized. I feel very happy and comfortable with my choice and look forward to my childfree future. No, I don’t worry about changing my mind and no, nothing will change it. I have only felt more certain of my choice as time had gone on. Realizing I was childfree – that not having children WAS an option – was one of the most freeing things in my life. I have no desire to mess with that!