- 4 years ago
garnobella: here’s a great analogy:
it’s kind of like asking “why don’t you want to be a heart surgeon?” I mean, I could be a heart surgeon and I think everyone can agree that the world needs heart surgeons. being a heart surgeon is considered a pretty altruistic life-saving profession.
I could go back through a pre-med program, go hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, take the MCATs, go to medical school, get a residency, and eventually in 15 years or so become a heart surgeon. Darling Husband and i would have to change our entire lifestyle. we wouldn’t be able to afford a house. we’d have virutally no free time together. i’d suddenly have an incredibly demanding schedule. i’d no longer have time to do all the household things i do now so we’d have to outsource that. we wouldn’t be able to retire early. we wouldn’t be able to travel freely. we’d have to move according to my education and opportunities and dh’s job would take a back seat. he might not be able to get a job at all! i’d be stressed a lot and even when i reached my goal i’d have insanely demanding hours. my entire life and my husband’s entire life would revolve around me becoming a heart surgeon.
sure, this is all stuff i could give up and do IF deep inside all I ever wanted in the world was to be a heart surgeon. i’m sure there are heart surgeons out there who say it’s the single most meaningful, enriching, emotional, incredible experience to personally save someone’s life. they probably don’t mind having 12 hour days, being constantly on call, or having a super high stress job. they might even say that people who aren’t heart surgeons just “don’t get it”. they might say there’s no substitute for knowing that you personally save lives!
does that mean that anyone who isn’t a heart surgeon is selfish or immature or not living life to the fullest? of course not!!! it just means that the incredibly stressful and demanding profession was either outside of their abilities or interests. i take parenting very seriously. i understand that it’s a lifelong committment, far beyond going to medical school, and it’s simply not a committment i’m even remotely interested in making.
i’m happily married and have a cat (i’m 28 dh is 32). i have a great part-time job that i do from home and dh has a fantastic full-time job. i have awesome friends and live in a huge exciting city. i have a kickass apartment. i hike every day. dh and i like to travel together. i’m working on a book and i have a blog. we want to buy a house in the next 5 years. tonight i’m meeting up with friends for dinner then going to a show. we both have a fair amount of extended family that we see on special occasions/holidays. i feel like my life is perfect exactly the way it is! there’s no way i’d risk it all to go to medical school…or to be a parent.