Post # 1
My fiance and I are starting to plan our wedding but find what we want will be out of our meagre budget and netiher of us have had the all important converstaion with our parents. I should also note, we are also saving for a house right now.
How do we have the ‘money’ conversation with our parents to see if they’d be willing to pass over some dough? We will have our wedding (on a smaller scale) if no one helps us out but at this point we don’t even know if either of our parents would be willing to help out.
I barely feel comfortable talking to my parents and my fiance is the type that would rather work three jobs than ask his parents for help…
Advice? How do we even start the converstaion with our parents without making them feel like we’re pressuring them for money?
Post # 3
I didnt know how to have the conversation eaither. WIth my parents I just talked about the wedding for a good 2 days then my mom asked how much I thought it was gonna be? Then the next day she came and told me they would pay for my dress and give me over half of the wedding cost 🙂
His mother basically looked at our 35,000$ budget and was shocked… and offered no help! Never even said ” i wish I could help” nothing!!! uugghh
His dad and step mom have never said they would help out, although i think they will evetually give us a little cash or pay for rehearsal dinner.. But I am not even asking for money!!! They should have enough sense to say heres what we can afford to give you or do you need any help!
I tried to feel out the step mom buy asking her jokingly if she wanted to help me buy a dress… she got excited and said” yes i would love to go with you to pick out a dress” UMMMMMM….. not what i meant!!!!!!
Post # 4
I dont really think there needs to be a conversation. If they decide to help they’ll come to you when they know what they can do. My fiance is the same way he’d never ask for money. He works like 16hours a day & just could never ask his parents for money.
Post # 5
I’m not sure how Fiance handled the conversation with his parents, but with my mom, I was point blank.
We were talking on the phone one day (well before we were even engaged, too!) and I just asked her if she’d be able to help with the wedding. (I didn’t say “want to” because of course parents want to help, it’s just a matter of if they’re willing or able IMO.) Fast forward to engagement, and my mom and I were talking about my dream dress, and she said she’d get it for me as her contribution to the wedding.
Now, as for my step-dad (him and mom split almost 10 yrs ago, and we’ve had an interesting relationship since) I don’t think I’m going to ask at all. If he offers anything, then great, but for me, him flying out and walking me down the aisle is enough.
Post # 6
My parents told me themselves how much they were willing to pay before we were even engaged. I think I mentioned that we were putting it off until we could afford a wedding one day and she’s like… well, we have such and such amount with your name on it as soon as he pops the question.
We pretty much planned to just go ahead with what we had between us and my parents, when DH’s parents offered to put up the same amount as mine after we were engaged.
But, my family and DH’s are pretty open with our finances.
You have plenty of time for them to come out with a number, don’t worry 🙂
Post # 7
Although we are paying for the wedding ourselves and did not ask our parents for help, we disclosed the information when they asked. My dad knows my budget and how much I spend on each items. His parents might not have as much information as my dad has, but they have an idea of the cost.
Since our parents know how much our wedding cost, they told us separately (my dad told me, his parents told him) that they will give us a ___ amount of money once we get married.
Although we’re paying for our wedding, in a way, they’re paying for ours.
In short, if you don’t want to directly ask the parents, you can clue them in how much you’re planning to spend and see how much they are willing to help.
Post # 8
My parents started out with a firm number as in “You have $XX,XXX to spend” once I had chosen a venue and described what I was looking for, they changed their mind to “we will pay for the entire reception (more than the firm number) but you and Fiance pick up the “extras” like limo and photographer”
We never really had the conversation…they just said it once we were engaged…
Post # 9
I dont think its something you ask how much they are willing to give. Its just one of those things that if they want to contribute they will,and if not then they wont. But i think that flat out asking would make them feel pressured… ease into it with talk about the wedding.
Post # 10
I’m having my first venue appt. on Friday so I’ll mention the cost to my parents and see what they say. No offers then I’ll leave it.
Post # 11
@miss jenny: I am curious….do you think this is a “bride’s parents” pay sort of thing? I mean, that is pretty much what I’ve seen go down with other brides (particularly if the groom’s family has girls in it, and the family has spent a good deal on the groom’s sister’s weddings).