- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I just recently got engaged and need some advice about discussing future finances. Before we got engaged, we talked about all of the major topics a couple should agree on (kids, where to live, etc). We discussed finances in general, and both agreed that we would like to have joint checking and savings accounts, as well as keep our own personal checking accounts. We thought that each person could contribute a certain percentage of their income to the joint checking (for household expenses – mortage, insurance, food, cable, phone, etc) and savings account (to save for vacations, home improvements, etc.) each month, with the rest deposited into our own checking accounts (so we can have “hobby/fun/gift” money to spend however we wish without feeling guilty about spending the joint money).
We didn’t discuss the actual percentages to go into each account, but generally agreed that the vast majority would go into the joint accounts with only a small percentage going into each of our personal checking accounts. We are both happy with this theoretical arrangement because we will pool the majority of resources but still have a little bit of independence to not have to justify every single “fun” expense that only benefits us and not the household.
Recently, however, the topic of finances inadvertantly came up and I began a conversation about it. My thinking is that because we are now engaged, we should go into more detail about some of the topics we discussed in general before. I am fine with the above arrangement, but wanted us to talk about what will happen when we (hopefully) have kids and one of us stays home for a little while, or if one of us loses our job and can’t find one for a few months for example. I just want us to agree in general how we will deal with this situation – i.e. will the working partner contribute to the others’ “fun” account, or will all of it go into household expenses and we both cut back with only one income?
When I started to bring all of this up, my fiance resisted and said that this is way too detailed to be talking about right now and was too far into the future (we aren’t getting married for 2 years). I mean, we agree in general about the finances which is good, so am I over-reacting for being upset? I told him to at least think about it and we can talk about it later, which he said okay to, but I don’t see what the big deal is discussing this now. I’m not going to hold him to anything obviously (we will have to decide for certain when the time comes), but just discussing it in general would be nice. And also, I grew up being told that finances was one thing that should definitely be discussed before marriage.
SO… should I just drop this for now and come back to the details later? Should I just be happy that we agree in general and not worry so much about future little details like this? Or should I be worried that my fiance is resisting talking about these details right now?