Discussion: Would it be ok if your SO masturbates to pictures of your friends?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

If I found out my husband were doing this, I would honestly break up with him right then and there, and start planning my trip to Divorceville. 

Post # 93
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I saw this post a few days ago and still don’t know what I would reply really (besides my gut reaction of gross!!).  I don’t know if this helps but it made me ponder some things I was told growing up that I didn’t really agree with as I got older, but I wonder if the principles would almost fit here…

Basically, I was taught that sexual “purity” or integrity (whatever word you want) was never just what your body did — it’s also something in your mind.  It’s a Bible principle : part of Sermon on the Mount where Jesus makes a point that your heart is as much a part of your behavior and character as your actions.  He said that looking at a woman lustfully was no different than committing adultery with her.  

So, I was taught you should have self discipline even in what you allow yourself to fantasize or daydream about and make choices to not “lust” after someone you shouldn’t be in your head either.  Because it didn’t matter if you hadn’t had physical sex — it was where your heart was at that that mattered.

Obviously, not everyone agrees with this and the implications are pretty extreme.  I’ve kinda let my concerns on it go because I think things like porn are such a widespread cultural thing and makes it’s hard to draw reasonable lines.  But that’s also why I’m not in favor of strip clubs, etc.  I have this sense of sexual fantasy in one’s head about people besides your SO being on a level of adultery or infidelity, so to speak.

So, I would say that if a guy uses pictures of friends it’s seems gross but if someone has these views, it also hits that additional nerve of a sort of infidelity.  He’s literally, even if only in his mind, fantasizing and -according to that verse- putting his heart and mind in the same place as having sex with them.  So whether it’s friends or strangers on the internet or at a strip club, each woman or man has to decide if that’s something they can live with their partner doing.  I think it’s easier to ignore when we feel like they’re strangers. But it’s still a tricky topic and many people think that only physical contact constitutes cheating – in which case, I think using friends’ pictures is weird and seems disrespectful, but I can’t say it’s wrong if I wouldn’t say other fantasies about other women are wrong either, you know…

 

Post # 94
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m of the ‘any romantic or sexual feeling or behavior towards someone else is cheating’ camp, so definitely cheating and so so so so gross in my book. I personally would be gone if that happened to me.

Post # 95
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

chachamaru :  I would not be ok with this. There are plenty of pictures and videos of people you don’t know on the Internet to jerk off to. There is no need to use photos of your friends. Just weird.

Post # 96
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

chachamaru :  I didn’t read anything except the title. Ummm, NOOOOOOOOO. What the what?!

Post # 97
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Ew…no that’s pervy 

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