Post # 1
So my FH and I have decided quite some time ago even before becoming engaged that we do not want a huge ‘all eyes on us’ type of wedding. We have decided to keep the ceremony private, only including us two and a photographer because we do want pictures to remember the day. My family is esctatic. His is as well, but now that the news is out he is getting alot of “Are you sure this is what you want?” from his parents. Neither of us are changing our minds. We are both uninterested in starting our married life trying to please all of our parents. Are we being selfish? I don’t feel that we are. But wanted some input. I appreciate it!
P.S we do plan on celebrating with friends and family with a reception about 2 months after the wedding.
Post # 2
As a parent, I’d like to think my children would want us there to witness such a milestone in their lives.
It does not matter what their age, your children will always be your children.
I do think you are being a little selfish as I don’t think it’s too much to ask that your parents be included.
Post # 3
It’s your day, not your parents day! Do what is right for you! We did the same thing and it was great. It was such a peaceful and beautiful day! I loved every minute of it.
As far as our parents go: my mother was happy as clam that we wanted to elope. No stress for her daughter and most important – no stress for her. My dad is a man. He didn’t care in any case. When my Mother-In-Law heard about our engagement/ wedding she was like: yeah a party. When my husband said no party she just shrugged and said that we’ll have to find another reason for a party then. FiL didn’t even say anything. I assume he’s just another man 😉
i loved my mother’s reaction. She was truly happy for us and very supportive. She helped me plan our little elopement, help me decide on flowers and the photographer. She went wedding dress shopping with me and bought my husbands shirt for the wedding. She helped me decide on the style wedding band I want and then enjoyed the pictures of our small big day. For her this day was about me and not about her.
Sometimes people need a reminder of the latter. It’s not about them it’s about and what makes you happy
Post # 4
If I were a parent I’d probably be a little sad but still supportive of my child’s choices. After all, a wedding is about the couple, not about their parents.
Post # 5
Your wedding is about the two of you, not about anyone else. What could be more personal? Do it the way that will make you happy.
Post # 6
Since you’re doing a post-wedding reception, then I won’t worry about parents and their reactions as long as both of you are on the same page. Let us know how your small big day go!!
Post # 7
As a parent I’d be super disappointed. A wedding isnt just about the two of you but the bringing together of two families. I couldn’t imagine getting married without our families present.
My husbands cousin secretly got married overseas and her parents were disappointed beyond words.
Post # 8
I agree! The wedding ceremony is about the bringing together of two families and the creation of a new one,
I agree with a PP who suggested including the parents.
Post # 9
if I was a parent I would be disappointed because a parent doesn’t want to see their child get married.
But to be honest, at the end of the day it is your wedding. You do what is right for the both of you. Maybe have a very small meal or event soon afterwards?
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I would be disappointed if my child did not want to include me in their wedding, but at the same time I would understand that it is their day to craft, not mine. I don’t think weddings are about bringing families together. I think it’s about two people committing their lives to each other and it has nothing to do with their families.
I wanted my family at my wedding for sure and it was very important for me to have them there for that moment, but that’s not the case for everyone and that is fine.
Post # 11
Weddings are about 2 people. At the end of the day it’s up to you and your fiancé. Your parents should respect your choices. I’m a mom and if my daughter eloped I wouldn’t upset. I would want to take the newlyweds out to toast them.
Full disclosure: I eloped. My parents and my husband’s parents weren’t surprised his dad even said it was the only way he imagined my husband getting married. (You know your kid)
Post # 12
Thank you all for your replies. I wasn’t sure I would get any. I did suggest to my FH that instead of having them there that day, since we both come from divorced families (and his set of parents still butt heads) that we do something special with each set of parents. Don’t get me wrong, we do feel bad that we can’t please everyone but my FH is also very reserved and bashful and I think he will be nervous enough just sharing the vows with me. Let alone having other people there watching.
Post # 13
My fiance and I are doing something similar next month. We chose to do a private destination wedding with just the two of us as we’d rather spend our money on a nice honeymoon rather than a big party. We invited our parents, but due to the travel costs, they will not be attending. I’m really excited for our wedding, but I’m feeling a bit sad that my parents won’t be there with me. The thought of putting on my wedding dress without my mom present had me in tears on Friday.
It is what it is at this point. It will be a beautiful ceremony and I’ll have amazing pictures, but I’d give anything to have them there.
Post # 14
Oh, they can’t get along but they’re upset that you don’t want to throw a party and invite them all? Odd.
Its your wedding. I can understand why they are upset, but if you want to have a private wedding then you get a private wedding.
The only thing I would say is that historically when people eloped they announced it *after* and no one had an opportunity to have an opinion on it. But that ship has kinda sailed.
Post # 15
You aren’t being selfish just by wanting a private wedding. You can do whatever you want for your wedding as long as you pay for it. But you also can’t control how people react… it’s pretty normal for parents to feel sad if their children don’t want them present at their wedding.