(Closed) Disgusted…a rant

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

not going to say anything to my friend about it because it’s not my place

why isnt it your place?  so as a friend can be honest and tell her if her butt looks big in jeans but not tell you that you feel her choice in f*** buddy is wrong?  for me, this is a matter of you surround yourself with people that reflect you and your life choices/morals – not saying im a golden moral compass but i couldnt support a friend behaving like this and i would have left immediately. yikes, you must have been SO uncomfortable!

edit: im also guessing at the time you were pretty shocked and didnt have time to react/think about it clearly

Post # 4
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i would call her out on it. ive been there where his wife is. my ex was out screwing around behind my back when i was home pregnant and alone all day. its not a good place to be mentally and i wish i had found out he was screwing around on me before i was getting ready to go into labor.

Post # 5
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

I would of said something, I would want her to tell me what she thinks.. I’m friends with my friends because they are honest with me.

Post # 6
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Holy moly.

I think I would say something, and I’m very anti-confrontational. But I wouldn’t be able to stay friends with her if she continued that!

Post # 7
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

This just digusted me too!  I would not be hanging out with that person, ever again.  It says too much about her morality.  Definitely not the type of thing I can tolerate, even if it were my own sister.  You can talk to her all you want, but she isn’t gonna change.  If she is able to rationalize screwing a married man with a pregnant wife, she is too far gone.  I would just say, “I lost all respect for you when I watched you makeout with a married man, while his pregnant wife sits home clueless.  We can no longer be friends, until and unless you undergo a serious change in your life.”

Post # 8
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would have left.  I wouldn’t have scolded her but I would have just told her the truth. “I am not okay with this and I would be uncomfortable staying here while he is here.” Since you didn’t do that, you could still tell her it was uncomfortable for you and you do not want to be in that situation again because you are not okay with that type of relationship.  You are her friend, so it is your place.  If her friend doesn’t tell her, who will?  She is an adult so you can’t make her stop, but you can and should tell her what you think.  

Post # 9
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think too many women have this idea that certain things “aren’t their place”. You’re friend is knowingly doing something that is hurting other people, and it’s wrong. If you are truly friends, you should be able to tell her what you think and how you feel. You don’t have to start a big fight or anything, but maybe talk to her about it and see how she responds. Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you have to feign approval even if you feel something is wrong or unfair. If you’ve lost respect for her, is it right to continue acting nice around her and biting your tongue? Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If she can’t account for herself or handle disapproval for something that is wrong, is she someone you really want to fake a friendship with? 

Post # 10
Member
46404 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would not lecture her or disown her as a friend but I definitely would have told her that I was not comfortable being part of an evening she is spending with a married man. I would have left.

Post # 11
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Treasure43:  I would have said something, maybe not right then, but I would when it was just the two of us together. I mean, if she doesn’t have any qualms about doing that with another woman’s husband, she probably wouldn’t have any qualms about doing it with my (your) husband.

Post # 12
Member
11391 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I can’t believe she just out right told you the situation!!!!!!! I would have been no wait scratch that I AM disgusted!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: I am disgusted at BOTH of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That poor woman, at home pregnant & he is out sleeping around behind her back??? Un-freaking-belivable! 

Post # 13
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I wouldn’t have said anything and I’m super confrontational. She’s not doing anything wrong. He is.

Post # 14
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If she knows about his wife she is in the wrong just as much as he is. If she didn’t know he was married than she isn’t wrong in any way. I would have said something. As a grown woman she should have more respect for a married pregnant woman than that.

Post # 14
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@2ndtime: Agreed.

Post # 15
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you can, please try to talk to her. There’s a lot of wrong in that situation on both sides. She might need a friend to help call her out on what it is exactly that’s leading her to make that choice – particularly as you said you were surprised/didn’t expect that behavior from her.

Affairs are extremely destructive relationships for everyone involved. Maybe it’s a sign of a(n even?) bigger issue.

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