(Closed) Dislike Heirloom Engagement Ring

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am in the same boat. Luckily, my fiancé had multiple brothers and sisters and we will give it back to his dad so it can be used as a proposal item for all of the children he has. It was his mothers before she Passed. We will make it a special part of our ceremony also. 

Post # 18
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Melanie4114:  Wow, that is really a beatiful tradition!

Post # 19
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cam_ddrt:  I’m with you on this one.  I don’t like the practice of hierloom rings.  The practice of doing the hierloom wedding dress thing died off cause women just didn’t like wearing outdated not their idea dresses so I’m suprized that the same thing hasn’t happend with rings. 

I would feel really awk wearing DH’s mother’s and grandmother’s rings period let alone their engagement rings. It also adds the pressure to then give it to your son to use.  What if you have a daughter, give it to her b/f?  Anyway, I’m rambline.

Only you know how much your Fiance is attached to the ring.  Have you guys talked about what you wanted before? 

If you think your Fiance would be hurt I wouldn’t say anything and just make sure I pick out a nice wedding band like PPs have said.

Post # 20
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Melanie4114:  I don’t get it do you then go by another ring together or wear it until you are married and then give it back to your FIL?

Post # 21
Member
2590 posts
Sugar bee

@cam_ddrt:  You don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you deserve a ring you like!  How recent was the proposal?  (I’m assuming very recent since he’s already proposed but you call him a BF not a FI).  I would wear it during the engagement and then switch over to your own e-ring and wedding band for the wedding and after.  Tell him it’s too precious to give a girl outside the blood-relatives and that you want to pass it to a girl from the family after your wedding.  Just an idea.

Post # 22
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You should like the ring.  I will say, however, that the excitement of the engagement ring does fade a bit with time, so depending on the kind of person you are, it may or may not make sense for you to get a new one.  Talk to him about it if it really bothers you, but I think a nice compromise is to wear the ering now, and wear an awesome blingy stand-alone wedding band when you get married.

 

Post # 23
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

get it dipped in white gold

Post # 24
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I, too, got an heirloom I was not nuts about.  It was a three stone ring, which I hate.  I was so afraid to say anything, but I’m glad I did.  It turned out that my fiance had already asked his grandmother, who gave him the ring, if we could make changes to it to make our own, and she had agreed.  It also turned out that she had also changed the ring after she got it to make it more to her liking!

I went ahead and changed the ring (I got a larger diamond- my side stones are very small, so now it looks like a solitaire with side stones- and kept the setting as true to the original as possible) and now I love it. His grandmother loved the changes that we made and said she also loved how the ring is evolving along with their family and we’ve all been able to share it.

I would definitely tell your fiance that you love the gesture, but don’t feel that the ring feels “you”.  Perhaps he would not mind if you reset the diamond or had it dipped.  If he says no, I agree with the above posters, just get a fabulous wedding band after the wedding and put away the engagement ring.

I felt so much guilt during my whole ring situation and please don’t feel that way- as women, we spend a LOT of time thinking about what rings we want, so it does hurt to get something that we don’t love.  I get that really aren’t into yellow gold, so you shouldn’t have to live with yellow gold! It’s okay to speak up!

Post # 24
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

do not get it rhodium plated it will wear off often white gold is almost white with rhodium plating if you rhodium yellow gold you will see it come through patch and not look good

Post # 25
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it pays to be honest.  I would not expect your fiancé to want you to wear a ring you don’t love for your whole life.  My husband’s mother gave me his great-grandmother’s ring as an option for an engagement ring.  I loved everything about it except that it was yellow gold, which I despise.  We decided to go with another ring I had fallen in love with.  During our rehearsal dinner, he gave it to me as a wedding present.  He had the head (which was set in white gold) set onto a plain white gold band (and his mother was the one that encouraged him to do it).  It’s virtually the same ring, just a different color.  Needless to say I love it, and I am so proud to wear it!  

Post # 26
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Be honest. There’s way scarier things to be honest about in a marriage than a ring, so consider this practice for the married life.

Someone in his family may find more value in it, so tell him. It’s an heirloom and it should go to some one who appreciates it for what it is.

Also tell him that while it’s special to his family, you want something of your own that you can build your own memories and meaning around. 

If he’s hurt, he’ll get over it, because he loves and respects you and sees you as your own person. 

Post # 27
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
Atalanta:  I do kinda think it depends on the ring, my SOs family has tons of heirloom jewelry and I’m getting one of the rings and I love it :)! However, my moms ring is super 80s and I wouldn’t want that. 

Post # 28
Member
2835 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This post is 10 months old.  I’m sure the OP figured out what she decided to do one way or another.

The topic ‘Dislike Heirloom Engagement Ring’ is closed to new replies.

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