(Closed) Disrespecting our guests??

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I have NEVER heard of a gift opening reception. She just seems mad she wasnt involved with the wedding planning. IMO she shouldnt have been she didnt pay & its not her wedding. I dont think you have any guests mad at you.

Post # 4
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

WOW. That all sounds insane and I think you guys were way more accommodating and polite than was even necessary. And it’s HER fault for not voicing her opinions back when they mattered (before invites went out, etc). No point in holding a grudge now. Sounds like she’s upset her son is married and looking for reasons not to like you – when someone does that, they make stuff up in their head and it comes out sounding crazy. I think you need to have a party line with your husband of “I’m sorry you feel that way – I wish you had communicated your disapproval before the wedding so we could have tried to compromise, but now it’s too late, so let’s move on”. Good luck..

Post # 5
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so glad that you guys stuck to your guns and went with what you guys wanted. I don’t think, for one single second, that you guys were disrespectful to your guests in any way. I’m sorry, but it’s your day. You can choose to do whatever it is that you want, whether your in-laws approve or not. And that goes with gift opening. I’m also one of those people who bites her tongue every time I have to open something in front of people, so I completely understand where you’re coming from on that. Don’t feel bad about this… you did NOTHING wrong!!! I highly doubt people would be upset or offended if you guys wanted to open your gifts in private, in the comfort of your own homes. Seriously!!!

Chin up, darlin’!!! You’re not a bad person!!! :]

Post # 6
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, poor you! It all sounds a little crazy to me. I’ve never heard of the gifts being opened in front of guests but regardless it’s totally your choice where/when you want to open them. As long as you write nice thank you notes, why would your guests care if they see you open it??

Post # 7
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

First of all, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.  I’m amazed at all the horror stories I hear about in laws. 

Second of all, no, I do not thinking you are disrespecting your guests in regards to the gift opening.  I HATE opening presents infront of people, it’s just torture.  When my SIL got married (a year before DH and I did) she and her husband opened their gifts at the reception, which I had never seen…ever.  Honestly, it put a very awkward vibe on the reception.  It just seemed no one knew what to do.  One second we’re all having a good time and the next the party is being cut off for about 100 people to gather around watching gift opening?  Yeah, it was awkward. 

I would have preferred to just open the gifts alone with DH.  My mom & grandmother wanted to have a family breakfast (my side of the fam, his headed back to their home) the morning after the wedding and open the gifts.  I REALLY did not want to do this, but at that point in the game, I didn’t have the energy to fight it off, so I gave in. 

Some mother’s have a very hard time letting go and it seems like your MIL is one of them.  Mine has a few issues of her own, but for the most part, I don’t have to deal with her much which I am A-OK with. 

Post # 8
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh my goodness, this woman is a lunatic. You did nothing disrespectful whatsoever. That whole gift-opening thing is a complete crock. It’s an ancient tradition that very few people bother with anymore … and honestly, who cares what you got except really nosy people who don’t have lives?

And that nonsense about YOU being controlling … do you think she’s projecting much?

I’m sooo sorry you ended up with a Monster-in-law but I am so glad your husband is backing you up, here.

Post # 9
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s not necessary at all to have anyone present when you open your gifts, although I’ve heard of people doing it.  I’m sorry your MIL is being so controlling.  Hopefully your gifts aren’t still being held hostage at her house!!

Post # 10
Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

Not at all. She’s being ridiculous.

Post # 11
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I see NO reason why a guest would be mad at you. I went to a wedding where at the very end the bride & groom opened all their gifts because their mom kinda pressured them into doing it. They were uncomfortable the entire time, it took an hour & all the guests just kinda left.

I’ve never been to any other wedding where they publicly opened gifts. I think its something that should be between you & your husband. Also, what if you got something you didn’t like & you had to have a giant fake smile the entire time when all you want to do is leave & go on your honeymoon.

She sounds really rude & can’t believe anyone would say that!

Post # 12
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

In response to your question, good gravy NO. It never ceases to amaze me the lack of benefit of the doubt and abundance of us vs. them mentality that plays out with families. I’m so sorry you’re having to put up with this. Has your husband told them to back off?

Post # 13
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This post made me sad. I am (sort of) in the same boat whereas FIL’s are paying for nothing. But the fact that your mother in law disrespected you in front of your husband by saying youare controlling and not good enough for him? I would NEVER want to look her in the face again. Don’t worry, you did the best for yourselves and it all sounds pretty damn good to me except mother in law who can’t keep her mouth shut and just be happy for you two !!!!

Post # 14
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

WOW!! I am so sorry!! I hate to say it, but your mother in law sounds like a nut… this is a terrible thing to ask because its terrible to blame bad behavior on hormones… but is she going through “the change”? Because honestly, these are not the actions of a sane person, and I have seen people go crazy through that.

I have never heard of a gift opening at a reception, and thank goodness. I would be bored out of my mind after about 5 gifts. I don’t think you did anything wrong, and I think she should have said something ahead of time about the invitations if she had a problem with it, its not possible to change the past, so there is no point to complain now. Tradition is hard to argue with! Thank goodness you have a strong supportive husband, and I hope she comes to her senses.

Post # 15
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Echoing on what everyone else says – this is utterly ridiculous of her! Who in their right mind would ask the bride and groom to have a gift opening party because “the guests wanted HER to be present?” GTFOH! Don’t second guess yourself hon; you are not and in no way have been disrespectful. I think the responses you gave were tactful. I say you just continue to be respectful and remain calm (as you already are – kudos to you) and let her have her own hissy fits by herself. Kudos also to your DH for sticking up for you. Hopefully your MIL will calm herself down, cry a river and get over it. Jeez!

Good luck to you!

Post # 16
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think to each their own when it comes to the food and decorations for the wedding.  So no I don’t think that by serving BBQ that you were being disrespectful.  We served spaghetti because that is my favorite food and I don’t think any of our guests thought anything of it other then “yep this is Vintage, she can’t get enough spaghetti”

As for the gift opening. I have never heard of inviting guests to watch you open gifts other then the bridal shower.  I think people who give you a gift at the wedding don’t expect you to open it in front of them.  If they did then they’d make plans with you to open it.  I.e. my grandmother made a blanket for my brother and SIL and so she requested that they didn’t open her gift without her there.  Now my brother and SIL invited myself and my parents and her parents to watch them open gifts but mostly so that we could help them with writing down who gave what.

Sorry that you’re dealing with this.  I hope it gets better for you

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