- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
Seems like I’m always posting things in “Emotional” these days! And the wedding is over for goodness sake!
We met with the in-laws last Tuesday, and to say it didn’t go well is an understatement. I was prepared for how it went down, but I wasn’t prepared for some of the feelings and issues that came forward. As I stated before, I felt we were VERY forward in involving our families in the wedding process, even though mine paid for just about everything we gave his a big say in a lot of things to keep the peace.
Basically, his family was NOT happy about many of the decisions we made during the whole planning process, and they felt we were being very disrespectful to our guests with the things we wanted. I should preface this by saying my husband and I were planning on paying for the wedding ourselves, so we were keeping things very low budget, but when my parents offered to foot the bill, we accepted their generosity and STILL tried to keep it very low budget. We wanted a BBQ style reception (nice, buffet, not tacky by any means) which is very common in our area, and mostly because we couldn’t see the point of spending $6000 on a caterer when we had friends who could do the food (and offered to do the food) for super cheap ($2000 tops). Plus, the food we chose was our favorite, and something most people in this area are very familiar with…it’s not like they would have been surprised or disappointed. His mom felt this was completely unacceptable, and made a big deal about it, calling my parents and insisting on a caterer even after we told her we didn’t want one. My parents (also trying to keep the peace) went along with it, and I didn’t realize his parents kicked in some money for it until a couple of weeks ago-after the wedding. His father, mother, and sister both told us that everything we wanted (not just the food) was super tacky, uncouth, and completely disrespectful to our guests. Guess what?? Most of the food that was CATERED, we would have had with our ORIGINAL PLAN!! But for a heck of a lot less money.
Also, apparently his mom has been holding a grudge against us for months because we didn’t include their names on the invitations. They didn’t pay for a single thing related to this wedding, except for the rehearsal dinner (and they didn’t ask our opinion on anything related to that, they did what they wanted without a care for our input), and I was uninformed about their payment to the caterer (which wasn’t settled or booked until AFTER the invitations went out) until just a few weeks ago. So now she thinks I was being spiteful and purposefully didn’t put their names on the invitations. She didn’t say anything at the time though, she waited until now, 6 months later. And she expects us to make her feel better, even tho we told her tradition goes with who is throwing the party: aka. my parents.
The biggest deal though, was with the gifts. We left for our honeymoon immediately after the reception and didn’t return for nearly 2 weeks. We had asked our best man (my brother) to please deliver the gifts to our home because we wanted to open them in private. Neither my husband nor I like to open gifts in front of people (it literally causes panic attacks for me) and we had made the decision months ago to keep this event private, between the two of us. Well, when we returned from the honeymoon his mom was making a huge deal about having a gift opening reception and we told them that wasn’t what we wanted and we’d like to keep it between us. His mom also took all of the gifts to her home after the reception to try to force us to open them in front of her. When my husband went over there to get the gifts, he received an earful about how I am the most controlling person in the world and he made a huge mistake with me and a bunch of other stuff. He told his mom that this was OUR decision and something we feel strongly about, and we aren’t changing our minds. Now, his mom is trying to say this was nothing SHE wanted, but she feels it was completely disrespectful to our guests who wanted HER to be present when we opened the gifts. She swears many people asked her to be there so she could see our faces when we opened gifts…and I am just not buying it. If it is that important to the guests, why didn’t they ask us about a reception?? But she is painting me (she doesn’t think my husband had anything to do with it) to be this super controlling and selfish person who wanted to keep her away from us. I’ll admit, when this turned into a big deal, we stuck to our guns out of spite after awhile because we just didn’t want to give anymore…but come on!?
But the more I think about it, the more I’m wondering about our decisions being disrespectful to our guests. Do you think they were? Do you think we were being inconsiderate with what we wanted?