(Closed) Dissapointed friend won't acknowledge pregnancy…

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
2509 posts
Sugar bee

missjewels:  Is it possible that she can’t have children, therefore doesn’t feel the need to pursue relationships for them etc., and talking about it hurts?

Even if not, I can see where she’s coming from although she is being very rude! I don’t like kids, I don’t enjoy pregnancy talk or baby talk, it’s as boring to me as sports talk with the guys. But I’ll still get excited for my friends when babies are what they want.

Yes, you may be talking about it too much, but you shouldn’t feel like you can’t talk about it at all.

Maybe she like your friendship will change, which it probably will, but she’s upset about losing the friendship you have now. Just talk to her about it!

Post # 17
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

 

missjewels:  I am not a rude person so  yes if they told me they were not feeling good I would ask how they are doing. 

When I first moved to the city I live in now I met a girl we hit it off as friends and to my surprise she got pregnant on accident maybe 2 months into our friendship.

we were friends until she was about 6 months pregnant, I just found us having little in common she wanted to talk about the baby ( which is natural) and honestly I just wasn’t into all that it entails. We no longer are friends no hard feelings she just has other priorities.

Some people just have very little interest in kids, she seems like she will not be able to transitition into a friendship with you post child.

Post # 18
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

missjewels:  I definitely think your friend is being downright rude about it, but in a sense I understand her position.  

When my best friend got pregnant, it was literally all she talked about.  Now that she has the baby, it is still literally all she talks about.  I am not anti babies, but I am not one of those women who is super into it, either.  I don’t have kids of my own and I am not entirely sure I ever will want to, I have considered adoption, however.  My friend babbles on and on about how it is so life changing and wonderful to give birth to a baby.  There have been times when I have wanted to scream “shut up!!!!” in her face, but I am always polite.  We have just drifted apart and I do not come around as often.  When I do see her and the baby, I acknowledge the baby and I ask her how she is doing and politely listen, because IMO that is the adult thing to do.

Ok I will stop babbling, but maybe your friend does struggle with infertility.  Maybe she has a phobia of pregnant women (kind of odd, but it exists).  Maybe deep down she is lonely. Regardless, if you feel she is being rude during this special time in your life, I think you should come right out and tell her!  You shouldn’t need to carefully moniter every word that comes out of your mouth, I just don’t feel like that is the basis of a real CLOSE friendship.

If she doesn’t feel like listening to you, then maybe you weren’t meant to be friends during this stage of life.  

Post # 20
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

missjewels:  She kind of sounds like a jerk!  Babies aren’t for everyone, that is for damn sure, but friends support eachother… or at least try.  She can’t ignore it and hope it will go away!  I mean, the child is here to stay.  Did I care about my friend’s nursery theme?  Hell no I didn’t, but I strolled through it with her and told her it looked nice.  Big deal.   Maybe you need to cut this girl off.

Best of luck!!!!!!!!!!

Post # 21
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

missjewels:  She might be a little bit grossed out by pregnancy and unable to deal. Some women are. It doesn’t sound like she is jealous.

Post # 22
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

You’re probably talking about it a lot more than you realize.  I say this because I had a friend who got annoyed at other friends of ours for similar behavior, and who swore up and down that she barely ever brought up her pregnancy.  I nicely let her know that she was actually talking about her pregnancy constantly.  She asked me to point it out when she was, and I did for a week or two.  She was shocked at how much she really talked about it and later apologized to our friends who she had been mad at.  For what it’s worth, this was about 5 years ago now, and none of our friends, including the pregnant one, remember or care anymore.

Really, it is understandable that you talk about it a lot, considering how much your entire life is impacted by your pregnancy.  But you have to understand that your friend’s life does not revolve around your pregnancy that same way yours does.  

Post # 23
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

She sounds very jelaous. She’s acting like a small child who’s parents have told her that they’re having a baby brother or sister and she’s worried that she’s being replaced. 

You need to sit her down, tell her that you can’t cut out all conversation about the baby, because the baby is a part of your life, and a little person, and therefore you will obviously be talking about the baby sometimes. But that you love her and care about your friendship and don’t want it to change for the worst. 

Post # 24
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

missjewels:  Yeah, she’s being a jerk. I don’t get the posters who think you actually SHOULD mention literally nothing about the pregnancy etc if she asks how you feel. It sounds like you may be reaching a point in your lives where you’re just going to have to grow apart. Telling you to stfu because she asked how you were and you said you had morning sickness it just crazy.

Post # 26
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

missjewels:  While I get where she might be coming from… I’d probably pull back a little bit and say something along the lines of, “look, I understand you don’t like baby talk. I’ve tried to minimize my baby talk. However this is a HUGE portion of my life right now and I’m not going to censor my conversations because you have a problem with it. Maybe we need to take a step back?”

Having a baby is a MAJOR life event. And if your “friend” doesn’t want to be a part of it… well maybe she isn’t that great of a friend. Sometimes we have to push our own issues aside for those we care about. It doesn’t sound like she’s making an effort at all. 

Post # 27
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

if she really does cut you off like that each time, then her delivery sucks. in that respect, she is being rude. but i will say this: if she’s expressed to you that baby talk is a no no subject to her, then you have to respect that on your end too. i know talking about how you’re sick or painting the nursery or whatever is interesting to you and isn’t baby talk to you, but i can almost guarantee that it is to her. when i have a sick friend–whether it’s morning sickness or just got a bug–the extent of my commentary on that would be “i’m sorry you’re sick, i hope you feel better soon!” and then i would probably change the subject too; unless she was in the hospital or something. it’s not because i’m a bitch, or insensitive, or whatever…it’s because who wants to talk about being sick? blegh. 

like i said, her delivery of “let’s please talk about something else” is off, and it’s coming across as rude. i definitely understand your frustration with that. but, when was the last time you asked her about a recent trip she took, or a book she read, etc.? from your examples it sounds like she texts you and says how are you, or what did you do this weekend, and you go into some form of baby-related stuff (even vaguely baby related), and then she kind of zones out. initiate some interest in her life stuff. sounds like she’s been a good friend up until this point so clearly this is something she genuinely doesn’t want to talk about.

i’m not a mom, but have several mom friends, and it is frustrating as the non-mom friend to have your mommy friends basically dissolve into no personality unless it’s baby-related and then get frustrated with YOU because you don’t want to talk about nipples and stretch marks and how tired you are all the time. she loves you the person, and i’m guessing she’s probably just missing that part of you. i know you’re still that person, you’re just a mom (to be) now too. don’t be too hard on her. 🙂

Post # 28
Member
2245 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow, that’s just ridiculous… It’s one thing to not want to talk/hear about babies, but it’s another thing to not want to talk/hear about babies so much that your friend can’t even answer your questions truthfully. You’re not even going into a bunch of detail, you’re just saying the facts.

Honestly, if she doesn’t want to hear about a regular part of life — one that will still factor into your friendship no matter how much you try not to talk about it — staying friends with her will be difficult. She doesn’t want to deal with reality, basically. 

I would tell her to expect some mention of my pregnancy/child when she asks me how I’m doing or to simply stop asking the question. If she couldn’t stand any talk of children, then I’d either stop talking to her as much or just end the friendship. I have no time for people who can’t stand reality and regular parts of life. 

Post # 30
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

To be honest, I think she might be unaware of her actions.

As someone who is on their way to getting married but is CBC, the whole baby and child thing is pretty much off my radar. So, when dealing with my friends who have kids, I have to force myself and remind myself to remember to ask about the kids, etc. It sounds weird, I know. But, because it’s not something that I’m familiar with, or think about ever, it rarely pops in to my mind.

I also have a girl friend who is currently pregnant, and it’s the same thing. I have to remember to ask her about the pregnancy, and how she’s feeling because it’s the thing to do. It’s not that I don’t care, I just honestly forget about it. I mean, I’m not changing the subject when she brings it up or anything. Or straight up ignoring her.

I think just for those of us that aren’t pregnant, or have no interest in having children, sometimes we have to push ourselves to remember to bring it up as a discussion.

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