DISSCUSION: is it tacky to have all expensive items on registry?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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alfalfasprout10518 :  I don’t know if tacky is the word I’d use, but maybe thoughtless and selfish?

I’ve never encountered a registry with super expensive items. I would probably give the couple cash at that point, which really isn’t any different from what I give to other couples.

Post # 3
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

Yeah… I am not ever buying someone a $300 wine thingy. I went to a wedding like this, the cheapest thing on the registry was like $75 dessert plates–per plate! That wasnt even the china, it was “every day” dishes! It is fine to have expensive things on the registry, but to not have anything in in the <$50 range to me is rude for sure. 

Post # 4
Member
8263 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sounds like a perfect time for a $50 Chilis gift card!!!

 

Mostly kidding, but yes I would be put off by that. I would do a gc to the place they were registered or cash for what I could afford. 

Post # 5
Member
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Honestly if I came across this registry for a wedding I was going to I’d slip a $50 giftcard of some sort in an envelope and call it a day.

I think registries are tacky to begin with, but registering for all expensive items? That’s a hard no for me. Completely inconsiderate and making too many assumptions.

Post # 6
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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jellybellynelly :  Not kidding here!  I would definitely do a $50 gift card….I might be nice enough to make it a plain VISA.  She’d be lucky to get that much from me because I don’t cater to that kind of foolishness!

Post # 7
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I find it selfish. 

We did the high-low method as well. I belive the highest priced item on our registray is $900 and the lowest is $10. If someone wants to buy a gift, I wanted to be sure they were able to find something within their price range without stress. 

I did the registrey not for me, but for the guests really. It takes the guess wor out of gift or no gift, what do they like, what do they need etc. Some people just feel obligated to gift give for weddings but you dont want money to be a stumbling block. 

Though on the flip side, maybe she is hoping people will pool their money together to buy the items? 

Post # 8
Member
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

i don’t know if “tacky” is the right word, but it’s definitely not very thoughtful.

One wedding we went to they did only have 2 items under $300 on their registry.. but they had a total of maybe 10 items on the registry anyway (i.e. they were hoping for cash–which is fine!).  Still, having those two token items that were about $100 meant anyone who checked the registry would feel fine giving a $100 check (at least, I did! lol).  If someone literally has nothing on their registry under $300 its almost like telling your guests “give me at least $300 if you want to attend”.  

At least, that’s how I interpret it.  

I do NOT see the harm in putting a $1200 item on the registry–oftne registries offer completion discounts, so I have a $550 stroller on my baby registry, for example, not becuase I want someone to buy it (in fact I’ve marked it as “purchased” to make sure no one does) but because I want to buy it for 15% off! 

Finally, I think pointing out the registrar is not well-to-do and believing that means they should therefore only ask for inexpensive items is incredibly tacky.  So your friend is certainly no better than her SIL.  Worse, in my mind.

Post # 9
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper

Spoiled and selfish?  Usually.  Tacky?  Perhaps.  

If you’re a Kardashian, no one would bat an eye and Chrissy Teigan will probably give those $1200 knives.  But those are all things the Kardashians are easily able to afford as well as likely every single person who would be invited to their shower and it is in line with what they already have.  Still might be a little tacky to think others will spend that much on you.

For those who are not a Kardashian, then I think usually and perhaps turn into definately.

However, for your friend getting mad, there is also no law that you have to shop from their registry.  Just because they put it on there doesn’t mean those are the only things you can buy them.  A registry is intended to give an idea of their style and preferences – so you don’t get bright orange towels when your bathroom is decorated in blues or a white toaster when you have all stainless steel appliances.  And if you want to go completely off registry because you see something you think they will like and you want to give them, you are more than free to do so.  You are also free to just give them cash or a gift card and maybe if they are lucky they’ll get enough gift cards to buy their wine decanter themselves.  So if I was your friend I wouldn’t waste that much energy getting mad – I would roll my eyes and just get them whatever the heck I want within my budget.

Post # 10
Member
849 posts
Busy bee

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alfalfasprout10518 :  You have to go high-low-medium! If our registry ran out of low items (like, $5-$40), we added more to ensure that it never looked like we only had high items. 

Post # 11
Member
2763 posts
Sugar bee

A friend complained to me a while ago that she went to a wedding with a registry like this; the thing she couldn’t get over was a $4,000 BIDET, lololol. I’d have loved to see what else was on that registry.

I intentionally tried to add things at various price points, and didn’t ask for anything over $500, with probably 80% under $150 (with lots of stuff under $50). I included some high end items like crystal but also stuff like dish towels, serving spoons, baking sheets, etc. I’m glad I did because I had several younger friends (i.e. poor students and young professionals) who gifted registry gifts in the $30-$50 range; I imagine they’d have felt intimidated by my registry if there was nothing they could afford on it. 

That said, I admit it was easier for me to think of the high end things I wanted — I ended up adding stuff I didn’t really NEED but wouldn’t mind upgrading in order to have enough stuff to fill out the lower end category. Most of the time if something is under $50 I will just buy it for myself whereas the $100+ stuff I’ll want for years without pulling the trigger. So I can sort of sympathize with only registering for high end stuff if someone already has a well stocked house, but at the same time I do think it sends the wrong message to guests. I also think you’re probably shooting yourself in the foot — no one got us any single item over $200 on our registry (though we got gifts above that value made up of multiple smaller items, and checks over that amount). Unless you are from a very well-to-do circle, it’s unlikely you’re going to get those $900 knives, whereas someone might spring for a $300 set. 

Post # 12
Member
406 posts
Helper bee

Yes. 

Post # 13
Member
757 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
alfalfasprout10518 :  My impression is that this person might prefer a cash gift. When that is the case, people are advised to keep the registry to a minimum and with gifts that they would like. Perhaps the only things this couple really wants are expensive upgrades. No crime in that.

I’m side eyeing your “friend” for getting mad about this and implying that this couple doesn’t deserve the thibgs on the registry because they are not well to do enough! That is the tacky part of this whole thing. No one is forcing your “friend” to buy something off of the registry. She is welcome to shop off-registry or give a cash gift (which sounds to me is preferable given the circumstances in your OP).

Post # 15
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’d roll my eyes and then just bring a check with the amount I was comfortable giving.

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