Post # 1
So a little back-story: My closest friend was blindsided when her live in boyfriend broke up with her after 8years together, he moved out of their shared apartment but she decided to stay until her lease was up at which time she was going to move back to her hometown approx 6hrs away. I was devastated when she left as I spent most of my free time with her (we also worked together too) however she and I were both very good about calls and texts so when my boyfriend of 11yrs finally proposed she was one of the 1st to know, still feeling close with her I already knew I wanted her to be my maid of honor and told her this much, fast forward 3 months and now I’m not so sure.
I haven’t heard from her in a while and based on the little talking we’ve done in the past 3 months and through facebook I can totally tell she’s changed. Finally happy with her “singleness” she’s been partying hard, where as she hardly drank before and never went to bars or parties, it appears this is all she does now. I’ll text her or call and she barely replies. The last time we talked I feel like the only reason she called me back was because I mentioned seeing her Ex and his new Girlfriend (who he started dating almost immediately after they broke up, my friend feels this new Girlfriend played a major role in their break up). I’m feeling seriously neglected. I understand my engagement might be hard on her so I’m as tactful as possible and honestly we don’t have to talk about “wedding” stuff, I wish she’d just talk to me about anything ( I was actually happy when she called about her Ex even if it was to just talk about him at least we were talking… I thought I’d opened the door again- but I guess not as again I haven’t heard from her in a few weeks).
I guess here’s my problem, I’m seriously considering asking other person to be my Maid/Matron of Honor instead and just asking my friend to be a bridesmaid instead, but I want to be tactful. Do you all think it would be bad if I mention the distance between us (the literal distance, not the emotional distance)? I think I can just play it off as I really care about you and I want you in my wedding but I think it would be best to give Maid/Matron of Honor to someone who can physically be here to help me…or Should I be more honest about how I’m feeling with her?
I appreciate any input you all might have! Thanks!
Post # 3
@dancehalcrasher2: That is harsh. I have had similar experiences with bridesmaids and the behavior is annoying, however I keep telling myself that I will just get through the wedding and then I do not have to deal with it again. Maid of Honor is different though. You have asked her to serve in a position of highest honor in your wedding and this is how she acts towards you??
I think your excuse of wanting “someone who is physically there for you” would be legit, if you decide to take it that far.
The fall out of asking her to step down would be pretty big, It may ruin the friendship. You would hope she would understand but you have to prepare for the worst if you choose to ask her to step down. Do you see remaining friends with her? Do you have a desire to remain friends with her? Anohter thing to consider is, how will you feel around her on your wedding day? Maybe it will just be annoying to have her standing right next to you the whole day.
You have only been engaged three months so it’s not like she’s banking on it. I would tell her soon if you tell her.
Maid/Matron of Honor is a big deal and I would honestly expect my Maid/Matron of Honor to at least act like a decent friend, not a cold shoulder. I would not want her to be a rainy cloud over my wedding planning. There are other factors invovled though.
Post # 4
@AmandaMadonna: Thanks for the advice, I agree the sooner I tell her, then smoother it will go. I’d breifly thought about the fall out, but like you said I’d just hope she’d understand. She’s turned down a MOH offer when she was living down here by me because the girl who asked lived to far away so the distance thing might work in my favor. However I’m not sure how she truely felt about that girl asking her. I know she’s normally very level headed and I know logically she’d understand. I know she’s smart enough to feel the distance growing between us, but I’m worried the emotioinal part will override and she’ll just be upset with me. I know losing her for good is a possiblity.
I was talking to my fiance today and he said re-ask her about being a bridesmaid (maybe in a more formal way, like a little note or something sent to her house) and then when it gets closer to the actual wedding (maid like 8mos out) pick a Maid/Matron of Honor out of my bridesmaids. He said this will give me time to really think about it. So far I’m going with this plan….we will see how it plays out. :/
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Parkwood International Golf Course
I think your fiance’s idea is the way to go. I’m sure your friend will understand and that seems like a tactful way to go about it.