(Closed) Distraught. Looks like my relationship is over.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you absolutely did the right thing for you.  If it was the right thing for your relationship…you’ll see, and you have to remember: the most important thing is YOU.  Your relationship is second (or third, or whatever, but just not first).  


Post # 4
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree you did the right thing for you, if he loves you he should support you and be happy you have such an oppurtunity!

Post # 5
934 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@bluehydrangeas:  I don’t think you did the wrong thing. I think it is unfair of him to be so inflexible. Is there a reason why he won’t move? Is he near his family or hometown? I am in a long distance relationship too, and even though we have decided that I am moving to be with him it is only because my contract is ending next spring and we don’t know if it will be renewed. I know though that if I had a permanent and well paying job that I loved and I wanted him to come to me, he would have.

I can’t say whether you should leave your job or whether you should stay, but I don’t think you did the wrong thing by looking out for yourself. If you can work at your job and pay down more of your debt while you are planning your wedding and looking for an even better job, then that is a good idea. It is very sensible.

I feel for you & I’ll keep you in my thoughts. This long distance shit is the worst.



Post # 7
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The correct response on his part would have been “That’s awesome, honey. I support you and whatever decision you decide to make.” He should be happy that your job offered you what they did and you will be in such a good place. 

I don’t think you did the wrong thing.

Post # 8
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If he really loves you and to spend the rest of his life with you, he will come to his sense that you did make the right decision.  It’s okay for woman to have a better career than a man.  It’s okay for you two to be in a long distance relationship for a little while until he makes a plan to move close to you.  Maybe he’s just upsetting right now knowing that he won’t be able to live close to you.  Give him sometimes, thing might get better.

Post # 9
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know this is an extremely touchy situation but I want to be a 100% honest and tell you I dont think you did a single thing wrong.  You are making a better life for you and your Fiance (3x the amount of money is HUGE) I can completely understand why you would be upset having to make that decision.  Have you asked him if he would consider moving?  Have you explained to him that you took this job not only to better you life, but also your life as husband and wife? I dont think you should sacrifice such a wonderful opportunity in your career.  If he loves you and wants to be your husband he will support you and either move to be with you or make it work long distance until an opportunity comes about that will make relocating more feasible.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  Keep your head up, what you did was in no way wrong.

Post # 10
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Whoa. what a hearbreaking situation!

You did the right thing. As hard as it is, especially for women who are still conditioned for the most part to operate by accommodating others, you needed to look out for yourself! especially with the massive debt you are carrying. (god, I can’t believe the state of health care in the US, and it’s a foreign concept to me entirely that someone would have to pay so much to be hospitalized. just call me a commie Canuck I guess, but universal health care is where it’s at. But that’s another tangent…)

I think he’s probably just sad and hurt and confused right now, like you are. He will likely come around soon. at least to talk about your future and planning a visit for Pete’s sake! and if in time he doesn’t come around, then you know it really is the end. But until you’ve had “the talk” don’t jump ship- give him time to process his emotions over this change of events.

big hugs! and good luck…

Post # 11
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow. First of all you did the right thing. You communicated with him and were honest during the whole process, more importantly you seem to thinking long hard about what best for you both in the long run.

The fact that you are willng ot uproot your life and your career for him should prove how much you love him. The fact that he isn’t willing to listen or even consider a change for you speaks volumes about the fact that he may be undeserving of it. In the future do you really want to be someone who going to place his needs above yours?

Post # 12
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think you did the right thing.  you need to put yourself first.  he is being a bit unsupportive with your new promotion. 

life doesn’t always turn out how you want it to.  your SO needs to realize that.

Post # 13
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with all PP.  You are doing what is best for you and your relationship.  A healthy relationship is about making not only the relationship the best that it can be but that it makes a better you.  There should be compromise, support and understanding, equally, from both sides, and unfortunately it does not sound like you are getting any of that. 

Hopefully, his, what sounds like anger/hurt, subsides and you both are able to come to a compromise.   If anything, congrats on the promotion !

Post # 14
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bluehydrangeas:  I’m really sorry that you have to go through this, but I truly believe you did the right thing here.  In fact, as I was reading this, I was thinking that I definitely would have taken the job offer if it were me, and I’m glad to see that you did just that.  Granted, money is not everything, but you also cannot live on love.  I really do believe that it would have been foolish to pass up an opportunity like this, especially given your circumstances with so much debt and this terrible economy.  Sometimes we get a bit too romantic and whimsical and think that we ought to be willing to give up everything for the sake of love, but we MUST ground ourselves in REALITY, and the reality here is that you really need this job and the money that will come from it.  If your Fiance can’t understand why you HAD to do this, perhaps you will be better off without someone this infllexible and unwilling to compromise because marriage is all about this.  I wouldn’t give up on him yet, though.  Perhaps he will come to his senses, but even if he doesn’t, there is another man out there for you somewhere.  Good luck to you and hang in there!

Post # 16
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@bluehydrangeas:  I’m sorry.  I personally think you may have dodged a bullet.  If he isn’t on board with you taking care of yourself financially in order to have a better life for both of you – how can he possibly be willing to make a lifetime vow to you-for richer/poorer, in sickness and in health if he can’t commit to a beneficial move-even if it may be temporary?  Take care of yourself (financial and healthwise) and the one who can’t wait to be with you -regardless of where it may be will show up.   

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