Post # 1
Bees I don’t know what to do I’m teary eyed and need someone to talk to. I am using another username to well you know just be able to pour my heart out without anyone knowing who I am.
Here it goes….
I am a planner. I recently had a wedding at a venue (I’m my own boss so I’m not associated with any venue) and they were horrible. The entire time they talked behind the brides back and kept saying how awful she was–it was just awful banter…. The photographer didn’t like me within the first 5 minutes of meeting me and that was ever so clear. I’ve never worked at this venue before and for months had been excited to have a venue of such prestige on my plate.
The entire evening I felt like an outsider, when I arrived the woman at the venue seemend nice but insisted on asking me time and time again how long I had been planning weddings and kept giving me these ridiculous tasks…again pretty clear that she was snubbing her nose at me. I kept my cool or at least tried and constantly thanked them for welcoming me in ( I was taught to be polite and respectful even if it was clear that others weren’t to me). I sent out lovely thank you cards this am again saying how lovely they were when in my heart I didn’t feel that way at all.
Today I called the photographer and asked if I could have 5 or 10 professional pictures to feature on my website and he said he wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this given he spent more time with the couple than I did and didn’t in any way want his work reflected in mine. I politely thanked him for his time and hung up…I burst in to tears—uncontrollable tears.
Every venue and vendor I’ve ever worked with has given me great reviews, we’ve become friends, and they have just loved me. I was heartbroken to hear this. I don’t know what I was thinking but I quickly emailed the bride and let her know that if anyway she felt like this then I would fully refund all of her money. I don’t give a shit about a contract! I have a moral code and compass and couldn’t/wouldn’t take what I didn’t deserve.
I tearfully called the one person who knows me better than I know myself–my mom. She told me that I’d likely already beat myself up but I needed to grow a set and get over it–everyone wasn’t always going to like me.
I know everyone can’t like you–but I don’t I know as a grown woman how to handle it. My mom told me that perhaps she’d made a mistake bringing her polite little girl up–perhaps she’d given me too much positive reinforcement and not enough negative feedback. Could this be true??
I have this thing that I do when something like this happens I avoid it like the plague and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to think about every client I take on wondering if their vendors are going to behave like this and thus I’m going to feel like this.
Has anyone ever felt like this—is this normal—what did you do?
Post # 3
@BFF: It sounds like they were all a little bugged that you were replacing a previous planner..like maybe your predicessor got fired and was on good terms with them and they didnt like you based on that fact. I wouldnt worry about it, not everyone can like you..and the ones that dont can shove it.
Post # 4
I, too, tend to take things very personally and make assumptions when I shouldn’t. What has helped me is to tell myself, “Okay, you get five minutes to feel bad and then you have to make yourself do something else and not think about it for the rest of the day.” Baby steps. Allow yourself to feel awful, let it all out, but then realize that it’s not your fault and try to move on. That’s all you can do. If you’ve gotten great reviews from everyone else, it’s probably that you worked with difficult-to-please people who don’t like many people (if they like anyone at all). Hugs!
Post # 5
I give you so much credit for staying the course!
In all of our lives and careers we are going to run into those people who just have it out for us and the best thing to do is kill them with kindness-which seems like you have already done.
Don’t take it personally! Try not to let it get you to far down, just brush it off and move on. You have so many other wonderful experiences, that Its worth forgetting about.
Post # 6
It sounds like every other planning experience you’ve had has been positive, and this one just didn’t go as well as you wanted it to pan out. Focus on all the amazing weddings you’ve helped make possible rather than this one horrible experience.
I too am a perfectionist and tend to rake myself over the coals, even when I don’t deserve it. Let yourself cry for a little while, then dust yourself off and keep planning because you know you’re good at it. 🙂
Post # 7
before you offer the bride a refund (if there is a next time) i would suggest you email/speak to her and ask her for her constructive thoughts on your performance – she may have been thrilled with your work but now you might have backed yourself into a corner to provide a refund
i cant imagine what the venues problem was, especially the photographer, but maybe its a closed door to the newbie thing – if the bride gives you permission can you use the photos?
Post # 8
Ladies thank you….I actually didn’t think anyone would respond and that this would be a sobby vent.
The Bride was beyond thrilled with my performance, before the end of the night she and the groom took me aside and personally thanked me. Her last words to me were that “this venue sucks….”. She’s a smart girl and to be honest I think she could tell that she wasn’t their cup of tea either.
I know it may seem silly to even offer a return but I’d just gotten the worst review in the history of my business…it was al gut reaction. She was also so excited about the opportunity to be featured on my blog and I had to tell her that I couldn’t and why. The photographer clearly explained to me that he owned the rights to his pictures so nothing could be given to me without his permission regardless of their opinion. Lesson learned—take my own damn pictures!
Post # 9
Eff them. Who wants the approval of snotty, holier than thou ppl, anyway? Right? Right.