(Closed) Divided families

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

All you can do is invite everyone and tell everyone, “I am inviting everyone. Please be pleasant for the sake of our marriage.” 

My mother in law did not attend my bridal shower because she couldn’t get over herself. It was her loss. I judge her for it but no one looked down on me for it- everyone agrees that she is extremely immature and petty. 

Post # 5
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My mom carried a white hot grudge against my dad for 25 years.  Why? No idea.  He was always civil to her, she just hated him after their divorce.

I sat her down when Fiance proposed and said “remember how I warned you a couple years ago

that this day was coming? It’s here. I expect that you will behave yourself in public and not cause a scene at my wedding. If for some reason you drink a little too much tequila, I will not hesitate to lock you in a closet until you sober up and get ahold of yourself.  The way you’ve behaved the last 25 years ends here, now.  You don’t have to like him, you don’t have to sit with him, but you do have to be civil and you do have to be an adult.  This is me drawing my lines around my family, and you will fall in line or GTFO.  And it will kill me to cut you out, but I will do it because I am done playing these silly childish games of yours.”

I know there were lots of tears and clutching-of-pearls about “how could you say that and I love you so much and I never did anything of the sort” but my mother is in deep, deep denial about how childish she is.

Turns out, a lot of my worry was for naught- dad passed away two months before my wedding.  Not willing to let go of her grudge, mom rubbed it in and will probably continue to rub it in at the wedding (her latest is saying that my dad “won’t be there”- like he had a choice in the matter).  All I can tell you is find a venue with a very far off, soundproof, locks-from-the-outside closet.  Or several.  And don’t tolerate any crap right from jump- someone starts misbehaving, shut them down and walk away.  It’ll hurt, but better hurt than having your family trample all over you and make you miserable.


Post # 6
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - victoria educational gardens

Ultimately it is YOUR day. If they love you, they will need to suck it up and be grown about it. I am in somewhat of the same situation. My parents are divorced and my dad’s wife has always hated me. I plan on having security and kicking her out if she even thinks about making so much as an ugly face! I’m over her and her drama.

Post # 8
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

@pinkfrog:   I’m impressed, I like your approach.

@plpinkinsa200:  I never even thought of that. What a good idea. The security can be very unobtrusive, such that guests don’t even notice them unless they become needed. But if the worst happens and someone has a very public tantrum, out he/she goes, and the party goes on!

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