Post # 1
So I know I may sound a bit ahead of myself considering that I’m not even engaged but have a very strong feeling SO is proposing before Christmas this year.
I was wondering if any other bees have experienced conflict in their family and are worried about what happens when it’s time to send invites to their engagement parties and eventual weddings.
I have divorced parents who live in 2 different states and haven’t spoken since their split (apart from the odd snide remark via mobile phone). I have a half sister (mums side of the family) who has recently had a massive fall out with my mum (to the point of mum taking an AVO out against her!). I have always been the peace maker and still speak to all ofthese family members and love them very much but I have become increasingly anxious as I feel a proposal is fast approaching and want them all to share in our special day together. This obviously isn’t a realistic idea as they are all fighting with one another. I’m worried about my mum anvein meeting each others new partners, my half sister being completely left out and whatever other crazy drama they want to throw my way.
This sounds a bit wild when I read it back lol but has anyone had similar circumstances and what did they do?!
Post # 3
All you can do is invite everyone and tell everyone, “I am inviting everyone. Please be pleasant for the sake of our marriage.”
My mother in law did not attend my bridal shower because she couldn’t get over herself. It was her loss. I judge her for it but no one looked down on me for it- everyone agrees that she is extremely immature and petty.
Post # 4
@MrsBroccoli: Thanks for the advice, I guess everyone will just have to realise it’s not about them!! It’s just something I want to make sure I have thought about before a proposal so that I can just enjoy our special time!
Post # 5
My mom carried a white hot grudge against my dad for 25 years. Why? No idea. He was always civil to her, she just hated him after their divorce.
I sat her down when Fiance proposed and said “remember how I warned you a couple years ago
that this day was coming? It’s here. I expect that you will behave yourself in public and not cause a scene at my wedding. If for some reason you drink a little too much tequila, I will not hesitate to lock you in a closet until you sober up and get ahold of yourself. The way you’ve behaved the last 25 years ends here, now. You don’t have to like him, you don’t have to sit with him, but you do have to be civil and you do have to be an adult. This is me drawing my lines around my family, and you will fall in line or GTFO. And it will kill me to cut you out, but I will do it because I am done playing these silly childish games of yours.”
I know there were lots of tears and clutching-of-pearls about “how could you say that and I love you so much and I never did anything of the sort” but my mother is in deep, deep denial about how childish she is.
Turns out, a lot of my worry was for naught- dad passed away two months before my wedding. Not willing to let go of her grudge, mom rubbed it in and will probably continue to rub it in at the wedding (her latest is saying that my dad “won’t be there”- like he had a choice in the matter). All I can tell you is find a venue with a very far off, soundproof, locks-from-the-outside closet. Or several. And don’t tolerate any crap right from jump- someone starts misbehaving, shut them down and walk away. It’ll hurt, but better hurt than having your family trample all over you and make you miserable.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2014 - victoria educational gardens
Ultimately it is YOUR day. If they love you, they will need to suck it up and be grown about it. I am in somewhat of the same situation. My parents are divorced and my dad’s wife has always hated me. I plan on having security and kicking her out if she even thinks about making so much as an ugly face! I’m over her and her drama.
Post # 7
@pinkfrog: wow, go you!! I guess when the time comes, I am just going to have to man up and confront any misbehaving relatives. sorry so hear that ur dad didn’t make it to ur special day, I’m sure he was there in spirit. Thanks for the great advice 🙂
@plpinkinsa2001 that’s no good about your Dad’s wife, how awful!! Thanks for the reply, it makes me feel a lot better to know there are other bees out there who have the same / similar circumstances. I guess every family has their crazies, we all just have to man up and tell them Thais isn’t about you so bloody get over it or get out of it!!” let me know how the security goes, what a fab idea
Post # 8
@pinkfrog: I’m impressed, I like your approach.
@plpinkinsa200: I never even thought of that. What a good idea. The security can be very unobtrusive, such that guests don’t even notice them unless they become needed. But if the worst happens and someone has a very public tantrum, out he/she goes, and the party goes on!
Post # 9
I love the security idea!! Definitely going to hit that up