My oppinion might not be the popular one, but I don’t believe that it’s okay to allow divorce to become EXPECTED in society. Not when you are promising a life long committment, legally, morally and in front of God (if you believe).
If you are expecting divorce as a part of life, then maybe you need to change the wording. “I take you as my husband until things get tough” or “until you turn into a cheating bastard” or “until my controling and OCD qualities nag the f$%# out of you” or “I take you to me my partner until I don’t feel like it anymore!”
You can’t make a lifelong committment while accepting divorce as a normal part of society. That is called hipocrisy.
That being said, I accept that there are at times life altering events (addiction, death of a child, life threatening illness, or very serious accident) that change a person and couple so much that divorcing might be an option. But I don’t believe for a second that that accounts for 51% of marriages ending in divorce.
Marriages end in divorce most of the time because people are impulsive, weak, naive, gullible, ignorant, self-centered, caught up in the idea of marriage, too busy planning a wedding to think about marriage, lazy, and want the easy way out. Few people are tough enough to take a hard look at themselves and their partners (especially their flaws) before getting married. They want to sweep problems under the rug, give someone a third or fourth or tenth chance, and they want to change the other person. They don’t talk about expectations, life goals, what they really want in life, and the details that make a marriage work. They don’t really consider the weight of their decision. They don’t want to walk away from an okay relationship because they want to be married, maybe just not to the person that they are dating. Very few people honestly and truly reflect on themselves and their partners and use that information or revalations to make the tough choices. They ignore what they don’t want to see. They expect things to change. New flash. They don’t.
There are no guarentees. I definitely don’t advocate for anyone to stay in a marriage where they are truly unhappy, especially if there is abuse of any kind.
But I truly believe that if more people refelcted on themselves and seriously considered the decision before getting married, and made the tough decisions when it came to that, that most divorces could be avoided. Marriage is tough and many people just aren’t prepared.
I am confident that my fiance and I have the best possible chance to stay together for the rest of our lives. We both know why we talk/act/behave they way we do. We have looked closely and spent countless hours at how our marriage will work and suceed. We have a plan. We know each other inside and out. Neither of us have ANY red flags. Our families have met and completely approve of and support the marriage. Neither of us have expectations for the other to change and are accepted and loved for who we are now, not who we want each other to be. We have demonstated over and over that we each value the relationship and each other over all else. There are no guarantees that knowing each other this well will prevent us from ever getting divorced. But I can say with confidence that something huge would have to happen to significantly change who my fiance is in order for me ever to leave him, and there are very few things that I would ever consider leaving him over.
By accepting divorce as an expected part of society, we are belittling our own unions, and promoting social standards that don’t include hard work, perseverence, honesty, loyalty, and that allow for people to quit when things get tough. I’m sorry, but that is not th message that I want to send to the next generation.