Post # 1
I’ve been feeling so sad and depressed lately… this is ar from what I thought the married life would be like. On my wedding day, which was just over two months ago, I felt the happiest I could ever feel, excited for what the future held for my husband and I. Recently, things have not been so good.. there are many issues that we argue and fight about, we don’t see eye to eye on alot of things, he wont go around my friends and when my family comes around, he usually isolates himself and is anti social. His mother is constantly borrowing money and never repaying. Also always using his car constantly. I feel a great deal of dis-attachment from him. I’m so sad, I have no health insurance and wouldnt put me on his unless I pay him every two weeks. So needless to say, open enrollment is over and I do not have any health insurance. His family has discussed and wanted him to be a sperm donor, his sister is gay and wants him to donate his sperm to her girlfriend…this is a huge problem for me. We do not have any children together (which is probaly a good thing at this point). But I am strongly against him doing that. I’m sorry Im not being selfish but I see many negative issues arising from this in the future. If this happens, I’m defiantely leaving. This isnt the only problem we have, I’ve found myself not wanting to leave the house, just wanting to sleep and usually feel anxiety when he is around. I still feel depressed when he is not around. We fight daily about everything. He always throws money up in my face and how I am behind a bit in my bills..trying to catch up. We dont do anything as a couple and mainly argue.
Im just so sad and I dont know if its worth trying to work out or not. Things were better before the wedding. I dont know what happened. I feel like such a failure and would be so embarssed if we did get divroced after two months. I also feel bad for all of my wonderful guest that came to the wedding and gave beautiful gifts. How do I deal with this?! please help, 🙁 🙁 I cry daily and I dont think this is normal… open to any suggestions.
Post # 3
You and him need to seek counseling together.
Post # 4
Oh wow, this is terrible, he needs to be able to respect your feelings and you 2 need to be a unit and a team. The only thing I can suggest is the 2 of you going to counciling.
Post # 5
awwwww. Im sorry about how you are feeling. I agree with pp that before you give up on it try going for counselling together. so you can find what the root of the problem is and also it will offer an environment where both of you will be open and honest and after you get insight you will be able to use whatever you learn from the counselling to sort out future problems (if you decide to stay married after the counselling)
Post # 6
Yes, you absolutely need to go to couple’s counseling as soon as possible. It sounds as if there are many things going on in your marriage that need to be addressed if you’re going to be able to save the relationship, and you need someone who is objective and trained to help you identify, process, and sort through these issues.
I am so sorry that you’re going through this! HUGS!
Post # 8
How long have you two been together? Were you living together prior to getting married? I think being newly married is definitely an adjustment period and you need to address any issues head on.
Post # 9
@Broken Biscuit: +1 to all of this.
Seriously, he wanted YOU to pay him for health insurance??? You’re married now. Aren’t your bills his and his yours? Come on.
If his sister needs a sperm donor, she shouldn’t be asking her brother. She needs to go to a sperm bank and pay for it. Like you said, this could potentially cause a lot of problems in the future. I can’t believe that many family members think this is okay. From what it sounds like, his whole family is way too needy.
Talk to him about getting counseling before it’s too late.
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I would definitely get counseling. If he won’t go to couple’s counseling, you should seek counseling on your own to help you deal with your own feelings. There may be free (though limited) services offered by your community, or if you belong to a church, you can always seek help that way.
My first marriage started to fall apart as soon as we were married. Our honeymoon was terrible. My then husband wouldn’t talk to me about our issues and just kept pretending for 11 months that nothing was wrong no matter how I tried to get him to talk to me… until he decided the situation was irreparable and informed me that we would be getting divorced. I felt very helpless and powerless. A major decision was made for me instead of with me. Make sure you are communicating your concerns with your husband. In the end, divorce really was our only option because my ex refused to consider fixing our problems. He wanted an easy way out. It was a very hard time for me, that year and for the year after while we were still living together and technically married but not actually sharing a life together. I wish you the best of luck and tons of strength as you go through these troubles. I hope your story has a happy ending.
Post # 11
They say the first year is the hardest! Don’t get discouraged! 🙁 This sounds very sad, and I feel terrible for you! But try and hang in there, think of all the good times and the good things.
Maybe look into counseling, or spending some time away from the house together, somethign that doesn’t cost money so it won’t be a strain. Like a picnic or a walk in a park, go look at puppies at the pet store, go to the beach, go biking, ANYTHING.
My advice is to seek help, talk things through, reopen the communication lines, and let people know to go easy on you, and you’re not doing too well, and you and your new husband need to work through things.
I wish you all the joy and happiness in the world, and hopefully you can get back to how you were before the wedding. <3
Post # 12
I definitley think you need to contact a counselor. If he does not want to go, you ened to go yourself. Maybe he would change his mind and join you eventually. I do not agree with many of the things he is doing including (but not limited to!) the sperm situation, health insurance, and the bill feud. Those things should not be an issue for a married couple.
Post # 13
Wow, your husband sounds like the most selfish person in the world. Did HE want to get married? Or did you pressure him into it? Doesn’t sound like he’s investing anything into the marriage at all. See if you can get him to go counseling with you. But reading what you’ve wrote, I assume he’ll say no.
Post # 14
I’d be pissed about the sperm thing too. Try counseling if that doesn’t work well then there you go. I agree with PP he is an ass for not putting you on his insurance.
Post # 15
Yeah, and you’re not being unreasonable about the sperm thing. I would say hell no to anything like that. lol, my husbands babies are mine, and mine alone.
Don’t let him make you feel like you’re being unreasonable for not letting him do it! It’s weird.
Post # 16
I think the above advice is good. I wanted to say that you’re not a failure.