(Closed) Divorce??? :( :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@Broken Biscuit:  +1

Also, you’ve only been married for two months, how can he be mad that you are behind on your bills now? Like, we you behind before, or is this a new thing?

Idk, DH and I have one account…and we pay for everything as a team. We also don’t have any substantial individual debt.

Sperm for his sister?

Maybe his family is pressuring him about things and he’s taking it out on you? I mean, if it wasn’t like this pre wedding…

Post # 18
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@blingbride623: My mother suggested a similar thing to me once.  She said that I ought to carry a baby for my brother and his husband, using MY egg, so that she could have a biological grandchild!  I told her that that would make the baby MINE and that there was NO way in hell that ANYONE else, not even my own brother, would be raising MY child as long as I’M still alive to be able to raise it myself!  No, I’m sorry, but I will give up my child to NO ONE!  Does your husband really want to pretend that his SON/DAUGHTER is his nephew/niece for the rest of his life?  I’d never be able to live with that myself.  Besides, how would that child feel when he/she eventually finds out that his/her “uncle” is really his/her FATHER and that he gave him/her away like some sort of a present to his sister and sister-in-law?  And how are you expected to feel about your husband getting another woman pregnant?  I would never stand for it!

Post # 19
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It is normal for the first year to be rough. I am so sorry for your pain! I agree that couples counseling would be good. It might also be helpful for you to just jot down all the different issues and hurts you have to help you identity and sort through them. I know that having more than one major stressor can often make EVERYTHING worse than they normally would be. 

Post # 21
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Some people say the first year of marriage is the hardest.  Maybe it’s true.  But what you’re describing is a nightmare.  It’s definitely not supposed to be that way.

Post # 23
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@blingbride623:  Were none of these red flags present before the wedding? Are these all new developments? 

Post # 24
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

Maybe you’re experiencing some post-wedding blues on top of everything else. We spend months (even years) planning and looking forward to our weddings, then suddenly the wedding is over and it’s like…now what? Try to get out of the house, be around friends, and focus on the good in your new marriage. It is an adjustment, and sometimes it’s not always a easy transition. I know you don’t have insurance right now, but maybe a trip to a therapist wouldn’t be a bad idea either. Sometimes it’s good to just talk everything out with someone else. 

As far as the sperm donation goes, I completely agree with you on this. It would not be okay with me either, hopefully he will respect your wishes!

Post # 25
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012
Post # 26
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sometimes true colors come through when things are ‘settled’… perhaps that is the case with the in laws? 

I agree the sperm donation is something you BOTH need to agree upon. I think it was extremely immature for the sister to even ask it in the first place.

I think perhaps the ‘haze’/fog that was draping everything through the enegament, wedding planning and the actual wedding day is lifting. Perhaps all of these issues are something you two CAN work through. As many bees suggested getting professional help could make the whole process easier and perhaps healthier.

Every relationships have problems..big and small. It’s usually about how we deal with them. So first you need to gather yourself. Maybe have a day just for you. Get out of the house and meet your friends and family. Perhaps a married friend/family member can be a good convo buddy at this time. Don’t let yourself be more depressed. 

Hang in there! XOXO

Post # 27
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

The first year is the hardest?!?!  REALLY?!?!

The man won’t put her on his health insurance UNLESS SHE PAYS HIM FOR IT!  That’s more than the first year being hard, that’s him being an ass and not caring about his wife’s health.  What if she became seriously ill or was injured and needed to be hospitalized?  Hospital bills add up fast, and she could be in thousands of dollars worth of debt after only a day or two.  Would he then expect her to pay that off, too?

Not only is his family pressuring him to father his sister’s girlfriend’s child, (which would make him said child’s father AND uncle), it seems like he is actually considering it despite the fact that his WIFE is dead-set against it.  First, it’s just creepy of them to ask, but especially since they are newlyweds with no children of their own, from the sound of it, (I would be especially pissed if my husband fathered a child with someone else before me after we were married).  That’s more than first-year difficulties, that’s disrespecting his wife’s opinion and putting the opinions of his family first.

His mother borrows the car and he tells the OP that it’s none of her concern?!  That isn’t post-wedding blues, that’s him being an arrogant jerk and excluding his wife from decision-making.

He watches her struggle with “her” bills (why won’t he combine finances with his WIFE, or at least help her out when she is having a hard time making ends meet?!) while he gives his mother money that his mom has no intention of repaying.  That’s more than post-wedding difficulties, that’s him using money to control his wife and keep her in her place.

A counselor MIGHT be able to help with this, OP, but with his current attitude, I don’t see him agreeing to see one.  It seems as if he doesn’t think there is a problem, or if there is, that the problem is with you.  Granted, we don’t know his side, but from the facts you’ve given us, it seems like the only problem is him.   

I would walk away and never look back, but that’s just me.  I personally couldn’t remain married to someone with so little respect and regard for me and/or my opinions.

Post # 28
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@blingbride623:  I agree, he shouldn’t donate his sperm. It isn’t only his decision, you are married now. I can’t believe he wanted you to pay him for him to add you to his health issurance, that is just selfish. If you want to work things out then you should try to get some sort of help, and like others suggested try couseling. Hopefully he agrees to it, and is willing to work on your marriage, I hope for the best for you! 

Post # 29
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I know your main issue in this post is the sperm donor thing, but I can’t get past the fact that he won’t put you on his health plan.  That is just cold and cruel.  I can’t imagine a husband being so callous to the well being of his wife.  I think you should listen to the voice in your head screaming out “divorce.”  Don’t worry about your guests.  And you’re not a failure.  A marriage is supposed to be a partnership.  If he continues to nitpick about bills and refuses to put you on his health plan, you’re pretty much just roommates who have sex.  I’m sorry if my words sound cruel. I really just want you to realize that this is not what a loving relationship is supposed to be.

Post # 30
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

While I think him not putting you on his health insurance is terrible, I don’t think it is something to leave him over. BUT I do think you guys need to communicate better if your marriage is going to have a chance to survive. If you can’t communicate on your own you really should look into some form of family therapy. Maybe his insurance will even cover it? 😉

I am not one to give up on a marriage due to a rough patch unless there is some form of abuse or major issue like cheating or something.

The sperm donor thing seems to be good intentioned but misguided. I think this is where communication, not ultimatives is important. You need to convey your feelings on the matter while still respecting his and some how come to an agreement. This issue may create the perfect reason to see a professional.

Post # 30
Member
8 posts
Newbee

It’s his duty to look after you. Should put you on his health ensurance … sounds very self-centred. Money should not be an issue in marriage. Both partners should contribute and be ready to support when one is facing a low side of life.

The topic ‘Divorce??? :( :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors