Divorce

posted 7 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You absolutely did the right thing by leaving. Your life will be better when he is not in it. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this and glad you’ve been reunited with your cat. Best wishes as you move forward. 

Post # 17
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Shit! This is heavy. You did the right thing! I’m surprised he didn’t trap you into getting pregnant so you’d have to drop out of uni and be at home all day and then him not ever let you leave the house with the child without him so you’d never leave because you’d never leave the child behind. Now I say that scenario because it’s real and it’s close to home and it happens! And that’s exactly the kind of guy your husband is. So thank your lucky stars you have realised now before having children and he ends up killing them just to get back at you. 

My comment might sound crazy and over the top but I really can’t stress enough how common these horror stories are. Run, divorce and never see him again! 

Post # 18
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

You absolutely did the right thing. His behaviour is NOT normal or acceptable at all. Don’t look back. You are SO much better off without him.

Post # 19
Hostess
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

mrscatlover :   Please don’t ever for a second doubt if you did the right thing. Many people have a lot of guilt after filing for divorce from their partner. Even though they know they can’t live the life that the marriage turned into, they somehow felt guilty, like they should have been able to do more to fix things, to fix their partner. That’s when therapy is needed because we do not have the power to “fix” another human nor should we have the desire to, but emotionally you may be experiencing some cognitive dissonance. Therapy can help A LOT with this. Sending hugs bee.

Post # 20
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Baton Rouge, LA

Oh, Sweet Lady.  I am so sorry.

Your story reminds me much of my own.  I am fiery, passionate, and though I’ll listen, I’m not at all what anyone would call ‘submissive.’  My first husband seemed to love that about me…until we got married.  Then he felt ‘safe’ to let the mask slip, and he became harsh, controlling, manipulative…He demanded submission and that I ‘know my place.’  It wasn’t long before it did get physical.  He was a monster at home, but to everyone else, he was the ‘perfect’ husband.

After a particularly bad fight, I was late to dinner with my best friend, and she came to my house, took one look at me, and began packing my bag to stay with her.  I never went back.

I won’t lie to you and say it was easy.  It was hard as hell.  I had to move out of state, and he was a bastard during the divorce (it didn’t work, but yeah…that sucked).  I battled PTSD and still have a few left over scars that I deal with.  I am now happy, engaged to a wonderful man who was totally fine waiting the 7 years until I was comfortable with getting married (it wasn’t him; it was the entire idea of being legally bound to anyone that freaked me the hell out for a while).

However, now that I’m on the other side of it?  It was absolutely worth it.  You might have scars, sure, but those scars are because you refuse to be a victim.  

One thing I want to make sure you know is that this is not your fault.  Truly abusive men are bastards, but they’re not stupid.  They are experts at hiding their true nature until they think they have their partner ‘trapped’. This is not your judgment error.  You could not have seen this coming.  I was friends with my XH for years before we even dated.  It’s all the more jarring because this BS seems to come out of left field (part of the insidiousness of it).

I’ve also recently discovered that XH is at it again with his current wife.  They don’t change.  You deserve so much more than all of this.  

 

Post # 21
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

mrscatlover :  You 100% did the right thing by leaving. His behavior is NOT right & is totally unacceptable. Don’t ever look back – you are much better off without this guy! 

Post # 22
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

My goodness Bee, I’m so glad you’re out of there (and reunited with your kitty!). He was absolutely abusive, and though it must have been really difficult to leave him, I promise you that in years to come, you’ll look back on leaving as the best decision you ever made.

Stay strong and stay away from him and his poison, you deserve better and you will definitely find it in time xx

Post # 23
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

You know you did the right thing. None of those things he did to you are ok, at all. He is abusive and an asshole and you are lucky to be rid of him. Having kids with this monster would be a disaster.  You are young and smart and well educated. You won’t have any problem finding a good guy. Stay away from this ex and divorce him ASAP. 

 

mrscatlover :  

Post # 24
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I am so glad you left, i would have left too. Thats too much abuse, nothing sounds good about this guy, as a married couple you are supposed to be equal, esteem one another but not him or the highway. 

Post # 25
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

Girl you just wrote out my last year. I am getting a divorce (it is almost final.) It is really, really hard to believe, but it gets better. Everything will hurt less over time. Most of all you will start to feel less skiddish. I still find myself saying sorry for doing something silly like leaving a light on. But I am slowly learning how to overcome all of the controlling behavior I had become so used to (yelling over misfolded socks, spilling water or dog food, burning dinner, basically anything and everything.) 

It sounds silly. One thing that helped me cope was buying myself a new ring. From me for me. Maybe you could treat youself to something small. Some flowers, a new scarf, a ring, a pair of shoes. Something. When life is so shitty you need some kind of happiness however it comes about. 

I am here if you ever want to DM me. 

Post # 26
Member
10431 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

baylorredhead :  

Perfectly said, Bee.

For you and anyone else struggling with PTSD, ketamine infusion treatment is proving itself to be spectacularly successful, particularly with PTSD.

The overall success rate is 70%. Ketamine is typically associated with treatment resistant depression and various neurologically based pain conditions. Recent research showed a 95% success rate for PTSD. And ketamine works fast; in hours, not weeks.

PTSD is underdiagnosed in relationship situations. Anyone who has suffered any type of abuse almost certainly has PTSD. Many partners whose SOs have been unfaithful also struggle with some PTSD, along with all of the other agony. It’s just overlooked too often.

Post # 27
Member
313 posts
Helper bee

You are so smart for leaving him! At 22 your whole life is ahead of you. Enjoy school and re-discovering who you are. There are so many better men out there that will love and respect you, trust me. Don’t settle for someone that treats you like shit. 

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