Post # 1
In continuation to my earlier post: https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/divorce-after-7-months/
3 weeks ago I sent my husband to jail. I was lying in bed that night crying as always and my husband came to console me. My phone was lying next to me and my husband reached for it. I didn’t want him to see my message exchanges with my mom because I had talked about leaving him and moving out so I asked him to leave my phone. He didn’t and what followed was a lot of effort from me trying to get my phone back. He held my hands so tightly to avoid me taking my phone out of his shorts’ pockets. This went on for a good 10-15 min with a lot of screaming and shouting and him being extremely rough in the way he tried to stop me from taking my phone. My mind was in a state of shock because he had never lifted a finger on me before and I could feel myself feeling dizzy. I threatened to call 911 to scare him but that didn’t stop him either. It started from our bed and was dragged all the way to the kitchen. At the end he picked me up and tried to move me back to the bedroom so that he could lock me in and look at my phone which I resisted and so he just ended up throwing me on the floor on his way there and rushed into the bathroom and locked it. My husband threw me without looking back even once if I was ok, I would have hit something real bad. I went and banged the bathroom door, once he has read everything he came back and gave me the phone. Throughout all this I was crying profusely and shivering at the end of it. the entire episode was so scary that the moment I got my phone I called 911, took the car keys and left the apartment barefoot. Soon the cops came and my husband was handcuffed. He spent the night in jail. A criminal record was created against him and for people like us on a visa, it can be a pretty big deal. A no contact order was issued against him so I was under the assumption that I would never see him again. But when he came back home the next morning i have to say that i was relieved. He told me that throughout that incident he could have hit me but didn’t. Seeing my phone was not worth spending a night in jail and me calling the cops on him. I told him that he threw me on teh floor! To which he replied he had no idea that I was thrown, he didn’t look back to check on me because he had a v small window to go check my phone. As always I believed him, the next 2 days all I did was cry and feel guilty about over reacting to the situation all the while questioning myself did I really over react? The next week was a little scary because one moment my husband would be all nice and lovey and trying to be normal and the very next instant he would remember that I sent him to jail and he looked pissed and it felt like he would take revenge even though he keeps saying that he would never do anything to hurt me but I just can’t trust his word. I couldn’t continue to live being scared fpr my life all the time so I left. I then went to speak to my lawyer who suggested I divorce him on the basis of mental abuse (as evident by my earlier post linked above) and on the basis of physical abuse that just happened. This would help in speeding my divorce and might also help in us not dividing my money since as of now the major chunk of money lies in my account which he has been asking for since the day I left. My husband keeps asking me to take the complaint back since he feels that it was all because of my overreaction and asks for money so that he could hire a lawyer if I don’t intend to take te caee back. My lawyer has asked me to keep no contact with my husband which I understand but we were together fpr 6 years and my husband is absolutely clueless on what my next steps are and I feel guilty that I’m dping this to him. I can’t stop crying thinking about this o obviously still have feelings for him, it’s just extremely hard to go through this and not sharing anything with him. I feel so guilty. He has agreed for amicable divorce which for him means that I take the complaint back and give him half of our savings money. But my lawyer has asked me to not take the complaint back as that might go against me and I personally don’t Want to give him anything from our savings because his family and him have already sucked my family of $36k dollars during the wedding and I don’t think he deserves any more of that. I want to use that money to repay my family for al that that they had to go through because of him and his family. But at the same time I feel so guilty that he doesn’t even know that he will be served by my divorce petition which clearly states that the divorce is due to mental and physical abuse. My heart and mind are so conflicted!
Post # 2
Listen to your lawyer. Good luck bee.
Post # 3
I remember you. Don’t feel guilty, you need to leave him asap. You don’t need this.
Post # 4
Hugs bee. You are dodging a bullet getting out of this relationship before the abuse gets worse. I’d listen to to your lawyer and keep the complaint. It’s not like you lied. He is responsible for his own actions. Too many women in abusive relationships get gaslit by their abusers and convinced they overreacted. You didn’t overreact. It sounds like a horrible experience.
As for the money issue, Idk, the wedding money issue should be separate from your joint finances. Is there a reason his money would be in your account rather than his account or a joint account? It doesn’t really matter, I’m just nosy.
It’s up to him to get a lawyer and for you all to work out a equitable division of marital assets. Definitely listen to your lawyer because he has your best interests and that’s why you hired him. Don’t give your ex a penny unless ordered to. Presumably he works or his family has money and they can get him a lawyer. It sounds like he needs multiple to deal with the criminal complaint, divorce, and possibly his immigration status.
Post # 5
Your lawyer is in a position to consider all the facts and advise you as to what is in your best interests in both the short and long-term. You are, reasonably, an emotional mess. Listen to your lawyer.
Post # 6
There is no reason for you to feel guilty. Proceed as your lawyer suggests, and take care of yourself. Don’t worry about him… he has treated you poorly and needs to figure this out on his own.
Post # 7
YOU did not throw him to the ground. He did that. YOU did not put him in jail. His actions did that.
listen to your lawyer, all abusers try this exact emotional terrorism when their prey has left them, it is nothing new. He is actually just trying to get your money and keep himself out of jail. Sad to say, it has nothing to do with love.
Post # 8
from how you have been treated by this guy, I guarantee you that going against your lawyer’s advice and contacting him/removing the complaint will the be BIGGEST mistake of your entire life—second only to marrying him in the first place.
Learn from your mistakes, bee. You thought you knew him before you married him and he did a complete 180 on you…do you *really* think he will be amicable during a divorce? He will RUIN YOU if you don’t do what has been advised by your lawyer. And this time, you will only have yourself to blame.
Do not contact him. By any means.
Post # 9
I’m not sure where you are but that’s not quite how things work in the USA. You can’t just get a no contact order pretty much on the spot. It takes a judge and paperwork, a hearing.
Post # 10
Listen to your lawyer. Any contact with your husband will give him the in he needs to manipulate your feelings of guilt.
Ultimately, he seems like the type who will take your money, divorce you, and leave you stranded with no means to look after yourself and go home.
Post # 11
You are literally the worst advice giver in the history of the Bee. Ever. And I have been here for ages. Please just stop.
OP, your lawyer knows what he is doing. Please listen to him and heed his advice. I am so sorry you are in this situation.
Post # 12
+1 on your 1st paragraph
OP: listen to your lawyer. Stop feeling sorry for your husband. He doesn’t feel sorry for what he did. He’s only sorry he got the cops called on him. He hasn’t been a good husband from the very beginning and you owe him NOTHING.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2016 - Trilogy Golf Course at Glen Ivy
You need to listen to your lawyer. You went to them in the first place to help you, SO LET THEM HELP YOU! Stop feeling bad, and guilty you did nothing WRONG. Your soon to be ex husband going to make your life a living hell for leaving him so why give him the opportunity by giving him money?? It’s time to start thinking about YOURSELF and doing what’s BEST for YOU!!
Post # 14
I am glad you are leaving this man, tell your heart to stfu and listen to your mind and your lawyer.
I remember your last thread, I’m sorry it has come to this but I am not surprised. Your husband’s views were warped and his family was a nightmare. Now he’s abusive. You are dodging a bullet here.
Post # 15
3 weeks ago I sent my husband to jail.
No, Bee. You didn’t. He got himself arrested for physically attacking you. If a stranger on the street did exactly the same thing, would you feel reluctant to press charges?
Whatever repercussions your husband faces are of his own making. You don’t have the power to make him do anything.
Everything you’re feeling right now is completely normal. You have been brainwashed by an expert. Abusers know exactly what they’re doing. Don’t buy any of his crap about not realizing what he did.
You’ll snap out of the guilt once he realizes that can’t control you anymore and he’s losing his golden goose. Watch him turn full asshole on you.
You really have no reason to feel guilty, Bee. He’s escalating. That’s what abusers do. If you don’t get rid of him, it will only get worse.
You are very fortunate to have an attorney who understands how abusers operate. Listen to him. He’s completely clear eyed at a time when you can’t be.