Divorce after 7 months- continued!

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Listen to your lawyer. Good luck bee.

Post # 3
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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ash1234567 :  I remember you. Don’t feel guilty, you need to leave him asap. You don’t need this.

Post # 4
Member
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Hugs bee.  You are dodging a bullet getting out of this relationship before the abuse gets worse.  I’d listen to to your lawyer and keep the complaint. It’s not like you lied. He is responsible for his own actions.  Too many women in abusive relationships get gaslit by their abusers and convinced they overreacted.  You didn’t overreact.  It sounds like a horrible experience.

As for the money issue,  Idk,  the wedding money issue should be separate from your joint finances.  Is there a reason his money would be in your account rather than his account or a joint account?  It doesn’t really matter, I’m just nosy.

  It’s up to him to get a lawyer and for you all to work out a equitable division of marital assets. Definitely listen to your lawyer because he has your best interests and that’s why you hired him.  Don’t give your ex a penny unless ordered to. Presumably he works or his family has money and they can get him a lawyer.   It sounds like he needs multiple to deal with the criminal complaint,  divorce,  and possibly his immigration status. 

Post # 5
Member
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Your lawyer is in a position to consider all the facts and advise you as to what is in your best interests in both the short and long-term. You are, reasonably, an emotional mess. Listen to your lawyer.

Post # 6
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

There is no reason for you to feel guilty.  Proceed as your lawyer suggests, and take care of yourself.  Don’t worry about him… he has treated you poorly and needs to figure this out on his own.  

Post # 7
Member
11428 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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ash1234567 :  YOU did not throw him to the ground. He did that. YOU did not put him in jail. His actions did that.

listen to your lawyer, all abusers try this exact emotional terrorism when their prey has left them, it is nothing new. He is actually just trying to get your money and keep himself out of jail. Sad to say, it has nothing to do with love. 

Post # 8
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee

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ash1234567 :  from how you have been treated by this guy, I guarantee you that going against your lawyer’s advice and contacting him/removing the complaint will the be BIGGEST mistake of your entire life—second only to marrying him in the first place.

 

Learn from your mistakes, bee. You thought you knew him before you married him and he did a complete 180 on you…do you *really* think he will be amicable during a divorce? He will RUIN YOU if you don’t do what has been advised by your lawyer. And this time, you will only have yourself to blame.

 

Do not contact him. By any means. 

Post # 9
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2023

I’m not sure where you are but that’s not quite how things work in the USA. You can’t just get a no contact order pretty much on the spot. It takes a judge and paperwork, a hearing. 

Post # 10
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Listen to your lawyer. Any contact with your husband will give him the in he needs to manipulate your feelings of guilt.

Ultimately, he seems like the type who will take your money, divorce you, and leave you stranded with no means to look after yourself and go home.

Post # 11
Hostess
4184 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

 

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zenith :  You are literally the worst advice giver in the history of the Bee. Ever. And I have been here for ages. Please just stop. 

 

OP, your lawyer knows what he is doing. Please listen to him and heed his advice. I am so sorry you are in this situation. 

Post # 12
Member
4066 posts
Honey bee

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desertgypsy :  +1 on your 1st paragraph 

OP: listen to your lawyer. Stop feeling sorry for your husband. He doesn’t feel sorry for what he did. He’s only sorry he got the cops called on him. He hasn’t been a good husband from the very beginning and you owe him NOTHING. 

Post # 13
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Trilogy Golf Course at Glen Ivy

 

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ash1234567 :  You need to listen to your lawyer. You went to them in the first place to help you, SO LET THEM HELP YOU! Stop feeling bad, and guilty you did nothing WRONG. Your soon to be ex husband going to make your life a living hell for leaving him so why give him the opportunity by giving him money?? It’s time to start thinking about YOURSELF and doing what’s BEST for YOU!!

Post # 14
Member
4986 posts
Honey bee

I am glad you are leaving this man, tell your heart to stfu and listen to your mind and your lawyer.

I remember your last thread, I’m sorry it has come to this but I am not surprised. Your husband’s views were warped and his family was a nightmare. Now he’s abusive. You are dodging a bullet here.

Take care.

Post # 15
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
ash1234567 :  

3 weeks ago I sent my husband to jail.

No, Bee.  You didn’t.  He got himself arrested for physically attacking you.  If a stranger on the street did exactly the same thing, would you feel reluctant to press charges?

Whatever repercussions your husband faces are of his own making.  You don’t have the power to make him do anything.

Everything you’re feeling right now is completely normal.  You have been brainwashed by an expert.  Abusers know exactly what they’re doing.  Don’t buy any of his crap about not realizing what he did.

You’ll snap out of the guilt once he realizes that can’t control you anymore and he’s losing his golden goose.  Watch him turn full asshole on you.

You really have no reason to feel guilty, Bee.  He’s escalating.  That’s what abusers do.  If you don’t get rid of him, it will only get worse.

You are very fortunate to have an attorney who understands how abusers operate.  Listen to him.  He’s completely clear eyed at a time when you can’t be.

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