(Closed) Divorce after a month???

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh crasheddreams I feel so sorry for you. Cheer up! For now focus on your album and make a routine. Join a gym, that always helps me when I get stuck in a "do nothing" phase. And it makes you feel great about yourself and so much more motivated! First focus on you, then on your relationship. Maybe you could go to a sextherapist or relationship therapist? That is if you want to work on the relationship. If not, then maybe you should have a talk with him and tell hime exactly how you feel and decide what to do from there. Don’t feel so down! Keep your head up and try to focus on the positive instead of the negative. Good luck!  

Post # 4
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Great advice – yah focus on things you can completely control (yourself, working out, portion control, working more hours, etc.) rather than on things you don’t (relationship, etc.).  As you start to feel better about yourself, hopefully things will come together!!

Post # 5
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

First, take a step back and take a deep deep breath.  Second, I agree with the above posters, work a bit on getting yourself back into shape because you’ll feel so much better.  But, while you’re doing that, there also needs to be work going on in the relationship.  Have either of you actually stopped to really listen to what the other is saying?  If not, now is a good time to start. You have to find out if both of you are willing to put the work in to make the marriage work. From what it sounds like it’s going to be a lot of work, but not impossible if you’re both committed.

Relationships are built on communication and understanding, if you don’t have these, it’s not going to go anywhere but down.  Despite what society or wedding boards tell you, marriage is not all firey passion; it’s about making a life partner, someone who you can work with and who will work with you, even when times get sticky.  It’s not easy.  Also, you don’t have to be madly in love to make a marriage work, in fact most people will find themselves thinking "What have I done?" or "Where did the love go?" somewhere along the line, yours just came a bit sooner.  If you can make it through these spots, your relationship will only be stronger. On that note, don’t worry about the sex now, it won’t get good until you understand each other.  But, it CAN get good, it’s just going to take communication like everything else.

 If you both want this to work, it can.  Talk to each other, figure out if you do, then go to a counselor.  There isn’t anything wrong with asking for help and a professional marriage counselor might be able to help you two listen to each other and fix things.

I wish you the best!  Stay strong!

Post # 6
236 posts
Helper bee

Girl you need to get some counseling with that boy.  He needs to get a real job.  He can do this ebay stuff on the side but he needs to be contributing to the expenses and helping put.  If he is a stay at home guy he should have the house clean and dinner (not grilled cheese) on the table for you.  Do his parents engourage him to get a job?

 Otherwise I agree with the ladies about focusing on your self some.  Part of that is by removing some stress and the money thing is big.  It is also what ruins most marriages.  Ask him if he wants to make it work, if he does he needs to go out and get a job and contribute to the houshold income at least some.  It sounds like he was a mechanic and they are always in demand.  If doesn’t want to work somone then why not start business going to people’s houses to change thier oil abd airfilters. Maybe even rotate thier tires for them.  All these things can be done at home and he could just bring the necesssary tools with him.  Lots of people would love to be able to eat thier dinner while their car stuff is being done so that they don’t have to wait.

Post # 7
15 posts
  • Wedding: October 2008

Is this for real?  I’m sorry but it sounds to me like you both have major issues that you need to address…specifically you.  You talk about him spending your money and how you can’t make payments on your house and it’s causing you stress but then you’re going on and on about all the excessive things YOU are spending money on.  No offense but it doesn’t sound like you should have had a lavish wedding or a bachelorette party at the Playboy Mansion or a shower at the Four Seasons all with your OWN money.  It sounds to me like most of the financial problems you have you created yourself. Of course it doesn’t help that he won’t get a job, and that’s definitely not cool, but you need to curb your spending.  You have three trips planned for this year that you HAVE to go on? Everyone has to make sacrifices and it’s time you do that.  You need to grow up and get it together.  Marrying someone you didn’t want to be with…someone you were cheating on mind you…was completely irresponsible and immature of you. 

 I’m probably going to get flack for "personal attacks" for posting my opinion on this but seriously?!

Post # 8
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think that you have a lot of things going on right now, and you need to reassess your priorities.  Although I sympathize, I to some degree agree with 1008Bride.  It sounds like you didn’t really think things through before jumping into your marriage, and it sounded like you had your own stuff to sort out. 

If you are serious about getting help, at this point, it might be best to seek out psychiatric help.  You mention several times that you are depressed, and are really having a hard time getting yourself out of the situation.  There is nothing wrong with talking to a psychiatrist or psychotherapist for help.  Many people have difficulties in their life, and they find it helpful to have an objective third party to talk about things to.  Although you mentioned "taking Paxil and some crap to stay calm," I doubt that you have had an adequate trial of antidepressant medication, nor have you had appropriate psychiatric help.  These medications are not taken just when you need them – they only work if you take them regularly and follow-up with your doctor.

I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time.  Still, I think talking to a professional about how you ended up in the situation might be the most useful at this time.  In addition, I agree with everyone else on the marriage/couples counseling part. 

Good luck.  Please take care of yourself. 

Post # 9
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

I have to bite my tongue to some degree.  Maybe the pot smoking & the depression is not letting you think clearly, and you need to see a doctor.  Once you are in a healthier state of mind, I think you seriously need to question your financial priorities.  I know this wasn’t the focus, but hearing that you might lose your house stressed me out for you!  After the counseling, I highly recommend you get a legit debt counselor.  Good luck!

Post # 10
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I agree with the last three replies. Especially 1008Bride. You and your husband had problems before you got married and didn’t resolve them. Sounds like everything is great when your on trips and having fun but the opposite when you have bills to pay and money to save. Yeah you need a debt counselor, you rather save money for your album or wedding then pay your mortgage, and your husband won’t get a job. Both of you need to take responsibility. If you and your husband want it to work then take the steps to make it work. 

Post # 11
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Narcotics and depression are a serious problem.  I would get an individual counselor and couples’ counselor asap.

You can also seek help for finances from a legitimate credit counselor also.

Post # 12
2 posts
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m definitely with 1008Bride and bellenga on this, as well as some of the other later posts.  You need to get professional help.  Good luck.

Post # 14
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

i’m sorry I don’t believe this is a real post. It sounds like someone just trying to stir things up. 

Post # 15
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009 - University of Michigan Union

I agree!

Post # 16
1 posts

Okay first of all you need to cut yourself off from men period. Take a break from your husband as well, put the concept of divorce off for a while.

Second, why do you want to be a singer?  It sounds like you need a career at this point in time that offers you stability in everyway.

Drink lots of water, eat fresh fruits and veggies, get plenty of sleep. Trust me those three things will help you think clearer and you’ll be much more stable.

 Once you figure out who you are and can love your own self, then only can you love another. Goodluck!

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