- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2008
Well, its not even our one month anniversary and im going crazy about my situation, I really dont know what to do…
we have been together for exactly 4 years on the day of our wedding, but we moved in together 2 months after we met. The relasionship was never "pretty pretty" but I guess what kept us together is how much fun we had a the beginning, and he treated menice,yes we would argue (Really bad, yelling, trowing shi**t around) but somehow we’d always worked it out. He proposed to me on December 05 after I came back from doing a reality show in Mexico, I guess he really thought I was gonna fly away into the show bizz world so he decided to poped the question. I said yes but my heart was not really in it.
Trips here, trips there, OMG it was all about having fun I was 25 and naive, all I wanted to do at that time was to enjoy life, not to mentioned that i had put the pursuing of my dream to be a singer aside. At that time he was helping me financially with mortgage but I was always working.
2 years into our relashionship, he loses his Job, he used to work with his parents at an auto body shop the owned, and they closed the bussiness… well welcome misery!
The first year his parents helped out a little here and there, he didt wan to go get a job, becuse he didnt want to go to a company and beg for a Job or have a Boss,he was not used to… we had already planned three trips for that year and I really wanted to go we got some discount packages so we traveled the world,,, in the mean time bills were late, mortgages started falling behind, my income was not enough to support our life style and let me tell you he likes to spend… our main problems were always about financial stuff and not to mention that sex started to change, Im a very passionate woman and I just didt even feel like touching him or even slepping in the same bed 🙁
2008 came around and we had to start wedding plans, with no money,and I really wanted the weddign of my dreams, my mom’d wedding was a disaster so I wanted to show off.(Whatever that means) His Parents really nce offered to help out with the wedding since he’s an only child and the have always spoiled him uncontrollably, so I started the planning.
I also wanted to start saving to record my Album so I started working over time. by now its feb 08 and we are in so much debt, we have stopped making the mortgage, People! I can even tell you how bad I used to break out cause I ude sto argue so much with him beggin him to get a Job and he wouldnt want oo, he said he was focused on building his ebay store. I took Paxil and some other crap to stay calmed, instead I went to work, work, work, work, I saved up almost $10,000 for my album, but i’d come home after work and I did not want to even see him I was so disgusted by him I felt like Power Girl, my confidence was back and nothing could break me.
So I met someone else nothing serious, night club, couple of dates and hot, passionate, cheap hotel sex, but WOW WOW WOW, very much well proporcioned then you know who… well it became an obsession and we anly went out for a month. One day I wrote my fiance (at that time) a letter and left. It would have been the first night not spending the night with him, and while I was with this other dude I coulnt do it I picked up my stuff and come home, Im talking about may 08 already and the wedding id shecdule to happen in october!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was going nuts my brain was all over the place, break up, make up, we even broke up after that,but its really hard to really break up when we both live under the same roof, and not to mentioned that this house is mine, I bought it before we meet and Im almost lossing it now, well its July and we decided to keep going with wedding…
He needed some money so I let him borrowed some of my money for my album, had to pay some mortgages so the money for my dreamed album GGGOOONNNEEE!!!! and im still having hope that after the wedding something will happen.
July comes around and i get in wedding planning mode, at this time all the crap with the break up to make up was gone, I put the t-shirt on an I did the Job and I did it well.
The best Bridal Shower at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills ca, best of everything with my money ladies!!! The Best Bachelorette at teh Play Boy Mansion in Beverly hills ca, and the wedding OMG! Fairy Tale theme, Cinderella Carriage on a white horse, Rolls Royce and all, we had no money left from what our parents gave us so there was a littlw money left for honeymoon, so we went to a nice resort for a couple of days. The wedding was beautiful, I sang to my husband the honeymoon? well I didnt get out of bed for 4 day and drank champagne for breakfast wow that was good I do have to admit I really felt the sparkles of I dont even know what to call it, but I felt "in love"a like, but unfourtunately it only lasted those four days. The moment we come home to the same, it just got worse…
PLEASE I am screaming for help, I am so depressed, I barely have a JOb and I want to get out there, im just here between these four walls, we dont have a routine, i get even more depressed, all I do is eat chocolates and grilled cheese, I want to keep working on my music, he sais he supports me but he’s just there, he doesnt actually do anything to help. Well and the sex? after the honemoon at home we were active for about another 4 days but after that it died, the passion has been dead for years I dont know why i Got married, plus it sucks that I have had better intercouse in my past sex life, I am a very sexual individual and thats one of my favorites, somethinf That i dont enjoy with my husband, once in I gotta do the work to enjoy it…:(
I love to travel I feel like I still want to ilustrate my self, I dont know if I was scared of being lonely buy I feel more alone in this house and in this misery, Im not happy, i gained weight, i have break out on my neck like never, please somebody please help me i dont know what to do, iused to be so independent and hard working and now im stuck in a deep whole, forgot to mentioned that the got me into smoking pot , so i have been smoking for 4 years I really think that change the way I used to be: a strong, harworking,smart,sexy,a independent woman that I really really miss. Am I being selfish to try to be the person again?
I am not happy all i think about is projects to keep being succesfull and the thing is that its dificukt for me to share with with what I want to do, my dreams I feel no support from him at all, no money, we are loosing the house, he doesnt even drive his car, he registered it as non-op cause he has no money OMG Im going crazy Help!
Please friend I need your advise.