Divorce after..less than a year?!?

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

MrsJumboKappo is the only one making any sense. What is it with the USA and divorce? Seriously, there are a lot of legitimate reasons for divorce but this is not one of them. I say this all with kindness because i understand how difficult it is to be in the first year of marriage when things turn so sour and you spend most of the time feeling awful and wondering why you got married. But i thnk it is worth giving your marriage a chance.

Marriage is a life long commitment. It is hard and there are times when love and trust fade i think but those things can be gained again. What is important is mutual commitment and respect. You should tell your husband that though things are hard right now and though he doesnt feel he loved you, you want to stand by him and work things out. This means you guys have to be fully commited to each other. Start going on dates, set time aside for talking, sleep in the same bed etc. Tell him that you want to help him achieve all his dreams and goals together because you want what is best for him just like you want him to be my your side when you achieve your hopes and dreams. Why not set new goals and dreams together? 

I think it is easy to walk away but then what is the point of getting married if you are not going to tough it out? I think you would regret not making it work. Love is supposed to be unconditional. Even though he feels he doesnt love you, you should still love him with all your heart. It would say alot about your character, and atleast you gave it a shot right? Be the bigger and better person. Show you are commited to the end and things might start changing. I hope this did not sound harsh and i hope it works out for you. Dont give up bee! 

Post # 17
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

My concern is the “space” he wants is to be with this other woman and explore his feelings for her and see who he likes better

Post # 19
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

If he has emotionally checked out so soon after the wedding, why didn’t he express these concerns prior to the wedding. Is he going to counseling with you? Do not bend over backwards trying to save this marriage if you are the only one putting in any work. 

Post # 20
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been married for 18 years now (planning a vow ceremony for anniversary) and though I can say that the first year was the toughest, I think this is over the top. We had some terrible times that first year, but neither one of us betrayed the others trust. I have lots of male friends that I message and text all the time but I’ve never kept it a secret. You need to go with what you want in your gut. The bottom line is do you want to stay with him under the risk that this may become a regular thing with him. If you think he’s worth that risk, then it’s up to you to stay or go. If he is really doubting his feelings for you, I’d give this serious thought now before you risk bring kids into it. I’m sorry this is happening.

Post # 21
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

Sorry you’re going through this. I tend to think it’s best to get out now. My best friend got divorced from her husband of 2 years because he started communicating daily with a woman he worked with outside of work and he started dating that girl right away after they separated. They were married a short amount of time and had no property or children so it was a quick and easy divorce (less than 3 months). She has had many boyfriends after this and is now engaged to someone new and wonderful!

 

If my husband told me he didn’t love me, I would leave immediately.

Post # 22
Member
11465 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know nothing about you or your Darling Husband and the values you live by, but I am someone who believes that love is not a feeling (though it usually involves feelings) but, rather, a decision and a commitment.

I believe that your Darling Husband is reaping the results of his indecision and actions. You cannot fully commit to someone or something while continuing to explore other options. If he’s looking for the exciting feelings that come with the initial stages of a new relationship, he’s forever going to be “falling out of love” and wanting to move on.

Regardless of whether or not your husband decides to try to make this marriage work and commit to you and only you in the future, he would benefit from some counseling to help him understand that he has some incorrect expectations of love, relationships, and marriage. I’m very sorry that neither of you seemed to come to this realization about him prior to marriage.

Post # 23
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

I don’t live you any more is kind of a big deal… you should ask your counselor what they think and if they give some crap like well couples consuling then find a new one. They should be building your confidence and you should just tell him that your on your way. Giving him the option to decided is abusive.

Post # 24
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

 He is only making excuse to be with the other woman! He could still go after his dreams being married. A marriage doesn’t mean you life is over! I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Hang in there 😔

Post # 25
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - Blue Bay Grand Esmeralda

justwaiting1230 :  hahahahah, i laughed out loud.

Post # 26
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper

Danisa :  Are you for real? The guy said he doesn’t know if he wants to be married. Why should she do ALL the work and him none? And texting other women. Hell no. 

Post # 27
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

sweatergal007 :  i just think he is thinking selfishly right now and it is a good oppotunity for OP to show him love and grace. I think it is possible for fix problems like this without divorce. You cant fix selfishness with selfishness, someones got to be the mature one. Obviously if he refuses to stop texting the other woman and atleast commit to being faithful, it is a good start. 

Post # 28
Hostess
8812 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Sorry bee, but it is over. He doesn’t love you and he probably only wants time and space to figure out what he is going to do when he eventually tells you he wants a divorce. Call the shots and end it with your head held high. Big hugs. 

Post # 29
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

yogib3ar592 :  Be careful with random strangers telling you your marriage is over. It doesn’t sound good, but take into consideration that noone knows you in person. 

How old are you and your husband and how long have you been together before marrying? Have you lived together before marriage? Do you think you rushed into marriage or that he hasn’t been ready for this step, yet? 

Hugs bee!

Post # 30
Member
468 posts
Helper bee

Danisa :   i just think he is thinking selfishly right now and it is a good oppotunity for OP to show him love and grace.

Only if “Grace” is your pet name for a cast-iron skillet.  Otherwise F that noise.

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