Post # 1
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
SO my first wedding was in Vegas, 2008, when I was 16 and had been with the guy for 9 months. Oh, and I was 9 months pregnant. At the time I thought it was the RIGHT thing to do because he was in the military. I had graduated high school before I met him (when I was 15) and I had an accidental teen pregnancy. We were together for 4 years, and then after he cheated, I cheated. It became a terrible situation. Well, shortly after I left him I met the man of my dreams. We are the best couple I could imagine. We have a love so fine that I can’t even believe I spent so long with my first husband. 3 years into this relationship and we are engaged to be married.
So back to the topic at hand. I filed for divorce in 2012 shortly after I broke it off with my first husband. My daughter was living with my first husband at the time because I didn’t want her to get to confused with the new guy, plus who knew it would work out. I believe in slowly adjusting her to the idea of me being with another guy. Fast forward a year later and my daughter moved in with us. This required me to amend the original petition to give me full physical custody and my ex joint legal custody. I served him the new paperwork in early 2014. When the 30 days past and he defaulted (we are in California, so I don’t know the laws elsewhere) I filed for my judgement. It was rejected because I filled it out wrong, missed a few boxes, etc.. So I kind of put it on the backburner until…last week :/ I just filed the judgement again and I’m really hoping it gets approved. I used the self help center provided to get a clear idea of how to fill it out and I think I did everything right. I’m really wishing here that I did because I NEED to be divorced before I get married again.
So, my dilemna (now that you have a ridiculous amount of partly unnecessary backstory) is- Should I plan my date before the divorce is final? I am really wanting to have a small beach ceremony in May, but with the divorce looming over my head I’m not so sure that can happen. If these papers get rejected I will know in 2-3 weeks. If not, it will be finalized in 5 weeks. We are past the six months since I served him so that isn’t the issue. The court assured me that it would be finalized if it was completed correctly. If it wasn’t, I can complete the process again, utilize an attorney, and redo it the same week it comes back. That pushes it out another 5 weeks and we are then in May… 🙁 I really want to plan my beautiful day, but now I am regretting being so lazy with the paperwork. Should I just wait to plan until I have the decree or should I have it planned, and have a symbolic ceremony on the beach and later have a legal courthouse wedding?
Thanks for any input and reading my rant like post. 😉 You bees are the best.
Post # 2
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
cuteemoshannon: I would wait to make any unalterable plans until your divorce is final. There is no need to rush. You rushed into your first marriage and you know how well that turned out.
Post # 3
Member
9223 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I tend to agree with julies1949 — there doesn’t seem to be any reason to rush, so I’d just wait it out. If you love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, what’s waiting another 5 weeks?
Also, your SO looks alot like James Lafferty.
Post # 4
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
Thank you for the fast responses. I do not want to rush, I do just love the month of May haha. I guess we can postpone until May of 2016 if it becomes an issue. He is graduating in June, so maybe waiting would be in our best interest. I’m upset because September would be my second choice for a month, but my Bridesmaid just got engaged and already sent her Save-The-Date Cards for September 🙁 Can’t steal her sunshine
Post # 5
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
TheGridMonster: also, who is James Lafferty? I’ll google him now 🙂
EDIT: Googled and my lover agrees haha it was pretty crazy to see! His ego just grew a bit bigger 😉
Post # 6
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
cuteemoshannon: wait until it’s finalized. anything can happy that could push it back further (trust me, it’s the legal system). If u really want to, u could plan a simple wedding in a month’s time after its finalized.
Post # 7
Member
6448 posts
Bee Keeper
cuteemoshannon: I think I would wait until the divorce is finalized. You have the rest of your life to spend with your new husband, what’s a few more weeks 🙂
Besides, the last thing you want or need is something to go wrong and you can’t get married on the date you’ve settled on.
Post # 8
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: May 2016 - Winery
The CA family law system moves very slowly and even uncontested divorces take 6+ months. I’d highly suggest seeing an attorney who can explain the laws and process to you before making any concrete plans.
Post # 9
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
Yes, as I mentioned above we are past the 6 months from the date served. California law requires the divorce to be finalized no sooner than 6 months from the date the PETITION was filed, which I did in February 2014 so it’s pretty much done and fried. The longest wait I’ve heard for judgments to come back in my county is 6 weeks. My friend is a family law attorney, so she has been consulting me.
Post # 10
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
But you all are right, I shouldn’t risk it. Who knows with the courts nowadays how long it realistically could take.
Post # 11
Member
9041 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
cuteemoshannon: Wait I’m confused. If you filed for divorce in 2012 wasn’t the divorced finalised then? Wouldn’t you just need to file for a change in custody and not file for divorce again? I mean you can’t get divorced from the same person twice unless you remarry them.
Post # 12
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
j_jaye: You file a petition and then if the other party doesn’t respond you file for a final judgment.
Post # 13
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
I would wait.
Personally, when I went through my divorce the last thing I would want to be doing at the same time is planning a wedding. And I was with my current SO when I was going through the divorce process. In Australia you have to be separated legally for 12 months before filing, so it is a looooonnng process- not sure what it’s like there though!
Post # 14
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
I would wait until you have the paperwork back before picking a new date. I don’t know what county you’re in, but some counties are pickier than others when it comes to the paperwork, and some counties take forever with defaults depending on the time of year. I’ve had a few clients wait about 6 months.
Post # 15
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
Definitely wait. You never know what might happen.
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