- 5 years ago
Well, ironic that I’m posting this on wedding website, but I’ve been a member here for about 4 years now. And today, I’m just pissy. My Darling Husband and I are getting divorced, and it is truly a situation that I never imagined I would be in. I’ll spare the gory details, but it basically comes down to: he doesn’t want to be married anymore. He wants his freedom back and thinks life would be better/simpler without me or the animals (I have 2 dogs and 1 horse, more on that…), the mortgage, the family commitments, the arguing etc.
He struggles with depression, and he has just not been able to pull himself out of a dark place for a few years now. I have begged, pleaded, cried, yelled, brought in friends/family to try and get through to him– but he is “camping out” right now in his depression and as a result– his career, his relationships, his health and his stability has all gone downhill. We tried marriage counseling, and it really didn’t help because he very reluctantly went.
I could go on and on and on… but the turning point for me was my animals. The 2 dogs were fine, not a super huge point of contention. He doesn’t like one of them because he’s got a lot of energy, but he also doesn’t walk the dog or do anything other than feed it if I’m still at work. But the point that got me was, I bought (and it has been a lifelong dream of mine!) a little mare back in December. I’ve been a pretty avid horse rider for the past 10 years, and started taking lessons/event training about 2 years ago. The horse obsession happened well before I even met Darling Husband, so he knew about my “want” with them (land, several horses) and my experiences with them (moved out to Montana to work on a ranch prior to meeting him).
When I bought my horse, he was PISSED. Mind you, he has his “toys” (cars, electronics, season tickets). But my horse was a huge point of contention. He hated her. So much so that he, to this day, has never even seen her. She is boarded about 10 minutes from my house, and he has strongly refused anything to do with her– and me, as long as it pertains to horses. Refused to even drive by and look at her in her pasture, doesn’t like me showing him any pictures of her/us, especially hates talking about her. Once I realized that he really wasn’t interested in anything other than his own pursuit of happiness, and wanted me to be miserable right along with him, I knew it would be very, very difficult to overcome.
About 2 months ago after dinner, he announced that he wanted a divorce (this is the 3rd time he has asked for one), and I, for once, agreed with him. I couldn’t see a future with a man who was so unable to be a participant in the marriage. He didn’t help in any sense of the word: not around the house, not in conversation, not with the animals. We had sex once in 7 months, but we usually went 2-3 months in between intimacy and did not sleep in the same bed anymore. It has been a LONG three years since we got married. Everyone comments on how he changed, like a flip was switched and he just gave up. His family, friends and our mutual friends have all told me that he isn’t the same person anymore. The counselor repeated to me that Darling Husband has a lot of personal demons to work through and that truly, this isn’t anything I can help with– it has to come from within. He has spent the past 6 weeks or so moving from friends house to friends house, going out several nights a week and meeting new people. I’ve pretty much dived into work and my family has swooped in to be here for me and keep my mind off of things. They have been a life saver, but I know that eventually they will get back to their lives.
All of that to say, today sucks. I’m angry that this didn’t work out. I’m mad that in 2 months, I’ll be a divorced 28 year old who… just 6 few months ago, thought my life was mostly “on track”. I thought we would be able to work through it. I can see now that he has had one foot out of the marriage pretty much since it started. And it makes me really, really angry that my time/emotions/energy was wasted and now I look like an idiot.
So, someone cheer me up. I know there’s plenty of ladies on here who have been divorced and overcame it. I’m trying not to let this moment in my life define me, but it is all-consuming right now. I haven’t really told many people in my life, but I feel like you can just look at me and tell. I still wear my ring, still act like everything is fine to co-workers. But I know that in a very short time, they’ll know and I’m just dreading getting back out there in the world… does that make sense?