(Closed) Divorce, any advice?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I left my ex-husband on my 27th bday after a lot of tears and arguing and trying *every*thing I could think of to make it work. My whole life changed for the better since then- some things are harder, but I am so, so much happier and have zero regrets. Best of luck to you- be sure to take immaculate care of yourself as you go through this stress. 

Post # 3
Member
836 posts
Busy bee

I just wanted to say that I am really sorry you are going through this. Depression is an angry, untamed beast. There are so many bees that have felt exactly the way you feel and I know you will get some great advice. I know this doesn’t help right now, but six months from today, you’re going to look back on this and not even know you had the strength in you, because you do! Big hugs!

Post # 4
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My ex husband left me and our 3 yr old right before Christmas, right before my 30th birthday. Fun times, right? A year later I met my wonderful husband and we got married a couple years later and now have amother daughter. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy. Divorce was the worst thing I’ve ever been through. But I’m very happy now and life is much better. It’s been said many times before: the man you divorce is not the man you married. Good luck!- go build a new happy life!

Post # 5
Member
5944 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
Mrs_Amanda:  I’m divorced, but I am the one that left. And a big reason I left was because he wouldn’t get help with his depression. I think you are going through all the normal feelings of a divorce. Anger, fear, sadness etc. It sucks to have to feel it all, but from just reading this small snippet of your whole story, it sounds like you will be happier in the long run. Right now he’s an anchor and you will probably start to feel a weight lifted from your shoulders in all honesty. It’s too bad he didn’t get help because that may have saved the marriage. I promise it will get better. And eventually you will find someone that appreciates the things you like. Although my husband doesn’t participate in gardening, at all, he thinks it’s adorable when I ramble on about phlox, bee balm, cone flowers, and japanese beetles. THAT’S what love and support is!

Post # 6
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

This Saturday would have been my 6th wedding anniversary but 51 weeks after we got married my Ex decided he didn’t want to be married anymore. I had little warning, and he wasn’t interested and in discussing why he was done or fixing it. 

I was 24 and had grown up with this man, we dated from highschool on. I had NO idea how I would get back out into the world but looking back and now that I have Fiance I really thin my EX did us a favor. Like PPs said – it’s not easy but will be so worth it in the long run.

Sorry to hear you are going through this – take some time to focus on you! 

Post # 7
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
robynrox47:  my ex did the exact same thing after six years of marriage. He just didn’t want to be married anymore. I got no explanation as to what exactly was making him unhappy nor did he want to try and fix it. 10 years of my life down the drain with zero effort to try and save it. 

 

Just like you I was terrified but it was a blessing in disguise. I  learned a lot about myself and what I want and now have a very healthy and happy relationship with my fiance.

Hang in there Mrs_Amanda sending you lots of positive vibes.

Post # 8
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
Mrs_Amanda:  I’m sorry. Divorce isn’t easy. I was married to my ex for 16 years when we got divorced. You feel like you are having to rethink your entire life. BUT! That doesn’t have to be for the bad. It sounds like, as you said, he has his own issues to work through, and no matter what you do to be supportive, if he is not interested in working on them, there’s nothing you can do. I’m sorry it turned out this way. My life is so much better now – I am married to someone who is literally my best friend, someone who values me, whereas my ex didn’t, someone who puts me first, whereas my ex didn’t. I think you’re smart to keep yourself busy with work, with your animals. I’m a HUGE animal lover as well, and my animals brought me lots of comfort during the “dark days.” Just look to your future, it will be great! 

Post # 9
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

My first husband wanted a divorce after 6 months! It was like he panicked, it was so strange. Anyway, it was the best thing that could have happened. My advice…lean on your friends! I felt so free (he was extremely controlling) and after he left I made sure to go out with my friends often. 

Post # 10
Member
698 posts
Busy bee

You sound a like a wonderful woman and guess what? There are sooo many men out there that are begging for someone like you. You have so many wonderful years ahead of you… I am sure this divorce is going to be hard…. but think of this as an exciting time if possible – You get to be re born!!!

Post # 11
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I married at 25, divorced at 28 and we had one child together.  I met an AMAZING man when I was 30.  We had a child together at age 31 and we are getting married next year.  The difference between this relationship and my exhusband is unbelievable.  We have fun, we laugh we genuinely love to be around each other.  We are intimate regularly (with my ex we had sex just to get pregnant and then nothing for 2 years).  My last marriage was horrible and I had doubts before I walked down the aisle.  I have no doubts now.

There is better out there for you.  My divorce was something that needed to happen and it was one of the worst things I have ever gone through.  But it gets better, WAY better!!!  You only live once and just realize that now you can spend your time doing everything you love and find someone that will share that with you.  You WILL be happy again and find love again and it will most likely be way better than before because you will know yourself better. 

HUGS to you!!!  Enjoy your horse!!!!!  Focus on the things that you love and that make you happy, the rest will come together.

Post # 12
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I’m divorced! Married at 31, divorced at 35. 

I’m 42 now, and getting married again next year to the most awesome man I have ever met, let alone dated. I feel so lucky and you know what, these experiences make you stronger and allow you to appreciate the good things so much more. Stay strong, it does get so much better!

Post # 13
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
Mrs_Amanda:    I hope this link works – if not, please check out the web site Surviving Infidelity, the FAQ #11  is all about the emotional 180 based on the book Divorce Busting.  It really helped get me back on my own two feet during and after divorce.  

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

You are being freed to be your best self, to live a life true to what you love and your talent and gifts – someone will appreciate you for who you are!!  *HUGS* 

Post # 14
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
Mrs_Amanda:  I filed for divorce from my first husband when I was 22. There were some red flags while we were dating but he completely flipped once we were married. I couldn’t handle his obsessive, insecure, clingy, and controlling tendencies. Then he got bitter, resentful, and violent (verbally and physically). We were married for less than 18 months when we separated. 

If I may offer some words of advice: I would suggest taking time to love yourself. Do the things you enjoy doing and maybe try some new things. Spend time with friends but limit how often you talk about your ex. Lean on your family and close friends; they will surround you with love and support and encouragement. It gets SO MUCH better! 

Lastly, OMG, I can’t believe your ex wouldn’t even LOOK at photos of your horse. What an immature and self-centered attitude. Ugh. I can’t even… 

Post # 15
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m 28 years old and I’ve been divorced for 3 years! I left my ex when I was 4 months pregnant with my son. I’m getting married to an amazing man in September. This is the beginning for you! You have so much to look forward to. He’s doing you a favor. Every year on the anniversary of my divorce my mom and I go out for dinner and have a drink to celebrate! My marriage was horrible and it took so much strength to overcome what I went through. My marriage was as close to a prison sentence as I’ve ever been or ever will be. Once you come to grips with it, you will feel free. Just stay strong and do your best to stay positive. I’m sorry but any man that can hate an animal who has done nothing to them is an asshole. Animals are the only creatures in this world that will love you with no expectation of anything in return.

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