Post # 1
i was just wondering if any of you who are divorced ever celebrated once it all came into effect?
In NZ we have to be separated for 2 years before we can apply to be divorced and then the divorce becomes legal about 1 month from applying(unless you go to court for a hearing). I have been separated from my ex husband for 20 months! Only 4 months and I can finalise things, and I’m thinking of having a quiet celebration for when it comes into effect just with those who know my situation(shotgun marriage, abusive relationship, I’m now older and wiser…)
Has anyone had a divorce celebration? Or been to one? would you have one if you were in my position?
Post # 3
I have not been divorced, but my sister ended a long and dreadful marriage some years ago that resulted in bitter court and custody battles. When it was all over, my parents took her away for a few days to a beautiful scenic place in Australia without her children for a “divorce retreat party” where they ate, drank, slept, walked, talked and celebrated.
I think doing something like this can be an important milestone in the healing process, not just for you, but for those that have supported you through your darkest days.
Blessings and good luck.
Post # 4
I think you should do it. Its a big step to improve your life, why not celebrate it?
Post # 5
Both! When my divorce was finalized, I had a small dinner out with a few friends and more than enough drinks. When a friend got divorced she had a full on party! For me, it was celebrating a negative part of my life being over and enjoying a stress being removed from my shoulders
Post # 6
Getting out of an abusive relationship and winning back your freedom are worthy of celebration, IMO. I’ve been there.
I celebrated quietly with a male friend and my future Dh, who was also a male friend at the time, although he knew he would be more in the future, he was wise enough not to rush me.
I also think some kind of ritual can give you a sense of closure.
Post # 7
I’ve never been divorced but I think in your case it definitely deserves a celebration!
I’m so sorry you had such an awful ex but I’m so glad that you’re almost finished with him for good!
Post # 8
@HopefulSim: congrats on making the decision to better your life 🙂 I say have the party, you deserve it!
Post # 9
@HopefulSim: Whatever you decide, I think that you need a cake like this 🙂
Post # 10
I’ve been divorced.
Was married for 20+ years, my Ex-H was an alcoholic and abusive.
Our Divorced dragged on forever (5+ Years thru the Courts). I was a total wreck by the time it was done.
To be truthful I do believe there is nothing wrong with finding a way to mark the end (and move on)… but some of these modern day Celebrations you hear of (reverse equivalents to Bridal Showers or Weddings) are very inappropriate and tacky. Especially if there are kids involved, or you are close with anyone on his side of the family … very disrespectful / offensive to them.
On the otherhand, I am totally in favour of a night out with the Girls (ala a reverse Bachelorette) OR some time away on vacation.
I went the vacation route… treating myself to a week away in the sunshine with some of my closest GFs and was able to relax and recharge my batteries (sort of how Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & The City did with her posse after the Wedding Fiasco with Mr Big).
A vacation with buds can be very therapeutic.
Hope this helps,
PS… My best advice as one who has gone thru the same stuff you have… get yourself some one-on-one counselling to examine your past relationship and what attributed to it (like it or not we have some responsibility as well for hooking up / staying with an abuser). You’ll get some insight into which areas of your personality need to be worked on / strengthend… such as self esteem, self confidence, and how you present yourself to the world, and what you think about men and intimate relationships. I got my counselling thru a Women’s Resource Centre and it was very eye-opening / empowering. I also read a lot of self-help books before I began the whole Dating process over again… you need to go into it the next time a lot more informed. My reading focussed on how men think… that was especially insightful… two great books I can recommend that are also centered on empowering women in the Dating world are:
Greg Behrendt’s – “He’s Just Not That Into You”
Dr Phil’s – “Love Smart ~ Find the One You Want / Fix the One You Got”
Both offer a sort of checklist approach to exploring your own self worth, and figuring out what you want / need and DESERVE from a relationship.
(( HUGS )) and best wishes as you move forward past this phase of your life, and onto a much better one !!
Post # 11
@HopefulSim: I think that’s the same in New York (2 year waiting), at least that’s what i read in the book Eat, Pray, Love!
Thankfully mine only took 5 months, and would have been quicker if his lawyer wasn’t so slow!
I think I did go out to dinner with some friends to celebrate the final divorce date. No matter how much of an ass the ex was, try not to make it an ex bashing party but a celebration of a new stage.