Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Okay So On March 26’th 2012, I met who is now my Husband. He was my brothers bestfriend. We Hit it off. On July 12’th I moved in with him. And on August 13’th he Proposed to me. September 22’nd 2012 we got married. A week before we got married we started fighting alot; But I over looked it because we planned a HUGE wedding in less than a month…
But After we got married; 2 days aftter we got into a huge fight over the smallest thing he ended up choking me out. I went to my moms for a few days. We worked through things.
Then every since then; We will fight or argue and he will put his hands over my mouth, And ETC;; But never hurt me.
He has thrown my phone at me one time on my hip, and left a HUGE bruise and made me bleed.
We recently moved to North Carolina, We got into a huge fight and i went home last week, for a week. While i was there we fought everyday, he tried to control what i did, who i was with, ETC; He called me a few times i was budy and didnt know my phone was ringing, so he left me messages telling me he was going to kill me and slit my throat, which made me scared. I told him i wanted a divoce. he got a GPS on my phone through sprint, ETC;And then he came to FL on Sunday, to get me. C, to work things out. Since then everything has been perfect;he has been the man I knew back in march. But now Im just not feeling it anymore. I dont love him like i used to. Nothing is the same.
I dont want to hurt him, He is a good guy. I just dont know how to tell him. he has helped me so much.
How do i tell him , i know i dont want to be with him anymore, i just dont know how to tell him.
Post # 3
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
I dont want to hurt him, He is a good guy.
vs.
He has thrown my phone at me one time on my hip, and left a HUGE bruise and made me bleed.
he will put his hands over my mouth
he ended up choking me out
These statements in the same post do not compute, get out NOW.
Post # 5
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
Oh I am so sorry that you had to go through this… but if he is being physically abusive towards you, in my opinion, he doesn’t really love you…
You need to take your own well being and safety into consideration, and if he is threatening to kill you, I would get the hell out of there, and fast.
Tell him you want a divorce, and get out of there. Maybe have someone waiting for you so he can’t go crazy right then. Go somewhere he’s never been before. Change your phone number so he can’t track it anymore.
Just BE SAFE, and please, get out of that toxic relationship!
Post # 6
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
You let your divorce attorney tell him that you don’t want to be with him any more. Your husband is a full-on abuser. I know you’re probably feeling alone and that things like this don’t happen to other women, but they do. What you are experiencing is the violence wheel. Observe:
Please seek assistance from your family and friends. I would also suggest buying a pre-paid cell phone that he cannot GPS track. He’s stalking you.
Post # 7
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
And:
Incident
- Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)
Tension Building
- Abuser starts to get angry
- Abuse may begin
- There is a breakdown of communication
- Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
- Tension becomes too much
- Victim feels like they are ‘walking on egg shells’
Making-Up
- Abuser may apologize for abuse
- Abuser may promise it will never happen again
- Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
- Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims
Calm
- Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
- Physical abuse may not be taking place
- Promises made during ‘making-up’ may be met
- Victim may hope that the abuse is over
- Abuser may give gifts to victim
The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete.
It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the ‘making-up’ and ‘calm’ stages disappear.
Adapted from the original concept of: Walker, Lenore. The Battered Woman. New York: Harper and Row, 1979.
Post # 9
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
@BeachBlossom: Oh, girl. This is definitely a situation you need to get out.
Don’t worry about hurting him! You need to get yourself out of there before he KILLS you. I’m not trying to scare you, but seriously. I’m sure another Bee can give you a hotline to call to help get yourself out of the situation, but I’d say yes, it’s time for a divorce or anullment or something.
Get yourself to safety! No one deserves to be treated the way you are, no matter how mad he is.
Post # 10
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (7233)
Post # 11
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
He is abusive and it will only get worse. You should stop worrying about “hurting” him and start worrying about your own safety. It sounds like your family is there to help you, so that’s great. You need to make an exit plan, I would also get a PPO, as he has been physically abusive and threatened your life.
Post # 12
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
He has threatened to kill you. don’t wait until he makes good on that threat. get out. now.
Post # 13
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
“Choking me out” is all I had to read. Please leave. Abusers start small and bite more than you think.
Post # 14
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
Sorry to hear that you’re in a relationship like this. But it sounds like things are only going to get worse, when it comes to him being abusive towards you. If he’s already acting this way, I would hate to see how much worse things would get with time. I’m not a huge fan of divorce, but when it comes to abuse/infidelity, either of those reasons would make me leave.
Post # 15
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
“He ended up choking me out.”
“He has thrown my phone at me one time on my hip, and left a HUGE bruise and made me bleed.”
“He will put his hands over my mouth.”
“He left me messages telling me he was going to kill me and slit my throat, which made me scared.”
But never hurt me.
Umm, yes he has hurt you. If you need to move out get the police, family, whoever involved while you move your items. Get out of this relationship by using a lawyer. He is abusive, and you cannot safely approach him alone.
Post # 16
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
I don’t know you and I’m scared for you. Just the fact that he has said he will kill you is enough to worry. At the end of the day you have to make the tough decisions, however I will say that if you decide to leave, be sure that everything is in place for you to leave without fear and get a restraining order because what you have written makes me believe that he doesn’t value your life and he probably doesn’t value his.
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