(Closed) Divorce question…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should you get a divorce if you no longer love your spouse?
    Yes : (108 votes)
    53 %
    No : (95 votes)
    47 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    How in the world could you just stop loving someone. I say “yes” to the question because there are more problems in the relationship if you allow yourself to fall out of love with your husband. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    2874 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    im going to be that annoying person who can’t help commenting even though you asked for a yes or no =P

    i dont think its as simple as ‘i love him’ or ”i don’t love him’. people get distanced from each other, lose the spark, take each other for granted. and they can get back on track and refind that loving feeling. So no, i dont think an automatic divorce is the answer unless you have spent a long long time fighting for the marriage first

    Post # 5
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Sorry but I don’t really think the question is that simple. Maybe its the lawyer in me, but I have to answer “No, but…”

    No, but… maybe yes in some circumstances. I don’t think that you should get divorced just because you wake up one day and you don’t love your spouse anymore, I think most relationships will probably go through peaks and valleys of intense love and also wondering if you do still love that person. Our officiant counseled us on this and said that it is totally normal for one person or the other to think they may have fallen out of love at some point in your  marriage. I think if you find yourself in that position you need to work harder at your relationship and try to remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place. You should also seek out counseling to get back to that place. However if you’ve both put in a lot of effort, and you’ve done the counseling, and you’ve been trying for years and you two are still not in love… at that point okay, maybe get divorced. But that would be a real last resort.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5956 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Nope…because a person is only as good as their word…if you married this person you promised to be there, in good times, in bad times…FOREVER…you don’t ditch out just because you aren’t feeling it anymore.

    This is not a simple question…but if you no longer love your spouse…which is probably just a manifestation of dissatisfaction in your relationship from a combination of combined complacency and neglect on the part of both partners…divorce is a short term solution, where the same problems will crop up in your next relationship…only with a different person.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I don’t understand who votes no.

    I deserve to be married to someone I love, my husband deserves a wife who loves him. I don’t want to stay with someone only so I don’t get a divorce, I want to be with someone that I pick EVERY.SINGLE.DAY

     

    so yes, I would totally divorce my husband if I no longer loved him. for me, but algo because of him. and I would hope he’d do the same if he didn’t love me anymore

    Post # 8
    Member
    539 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think the answer here really changes if you have kids. Plus I have trouble understanding “falling out of love.” To me, love means way more than that giddy feeling you get, and it’s way more than the lustful feeling you get. I understand how those can fade or change. But love is more than that. Love is having respect for the other, and knowing you can count on them. Wanting to be there with them as they experience the good times and be bad, and wanting them by your side when you have those moments. I have a much harder time understnding how those can just go away. When you have kids there is the whole extra responsibility of you two to try and stick it out, for the sake of yor kids and your home, and though there are some circumstances that divorce would be better for your kids (eg violence), I don’t think “falling out f love” is one of those reasons.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1342 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Nona99:  Well said (as always).  That is exactly how I feel.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2087 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    No… I think marriage is a journey.  When you get married, you’re intention is to be together for life.  In a lifetime, 25 years, 45 years, whatever it may be, I imagine you’ll fall out of love with your spouse at times… but the exciting part will be falling in love again.  Just because you’re not feeling loving right now, doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.  It might just be a rough patch, or a dry spell.. or maybe you have some serious work to do. 

    Talk to your husband and tell him you’re feeling lonely or bored, or whatever it is you’re feeling.  Find things you can do together that might help you reconnect – do something active like snow shoeing, or hiking, take a vacation, play games, start reconnecting!!!

    Post # 11
    Member
    648 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Love isn’t simple. Relationships aren’t simple. Marriage isn’t simple.

    There isn’t a simple yes or no answer to this question:)

    Post # 12
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Nona99:  it’s really judgemental to dismiss the experience of those who have felt that. many women fell out of love, got a divorce, and later on married someone else and lived happily ever after.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    If you have really fallen out of love with your spouse, all efforts were exhausted to gain that spark back and you are really unhappy. Yes, I think divorce is an option. It is a complicated issue, but I don’t think someone should force themselves to stay in a relationship where they really can’t stand their partner.

    I am saying this because I am a child of divorced parents. Their relationship was very toxic and they were both unhappy with each other. I and my sisters were exposed to this as well as suicide attempts and physical fights. They would not get a divorce because they thought they were doing US a favor when in fact they were just damaging us. A child thrives in a family where two parents love each other deeply and do their best to work out their issues. It also sets an example for them when it comes to relationships. My dad has since re-married and is very happy. My mom has an off and on again relationship with her boyfriend and is still pretty bitter about the whole thing. My sister suffers from depression and has trust issues when it comes to dating. My younger sister has difficulties understanding why my dad dosn’t seem to care about her and I am just indifferent to both my parents. Seeing my mom threaten to jump down stairs and knowing that my dad was having affairs….not a good thing at all for a child to experience.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2087 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    On another note, a while ago I experienced some intense engagement anxiety out of no where.   Thought I’d possibly fallen out of love… started seeing a therapist and took an engagement/relationship anxiety E-course and have learned what I already knew, but couldn’t see because of that cloud of anxiety.

    Love is work.  Real love is what happens after the infatuation passes… love is action.  When you show someone love and do something loving for them even when you don’t feel like it, THAT’S real love.  Life isn’t perfect.  You can’t expect every day and every moment with someone to be perfect.  As soon as I worked through my anxiety, ALL my loving feelings came rushing back.  But even through my anxiety when I felt like I wanted to hide away and shut everyone out, I still gave my fiance kisses, told him I loved him, and was kind and loving towards him everyday.  I CHOSE to be loving towards him even when I was terrified and wanted nothing to do with anyone.  I think love and marriage isn’t so simple as you’ve put it above.  Marriage is a commitment and deserves to be worked on and given every chance to succeed…  although if you’ve tried for a while, given it your best and tried counselling and been completely open with your husband etc.. then of course it’s an option.  Just as some people get divorced for the wrong reasons, some people also get married for the wrong reasons.  Sometimes divorce can be the best option for a couple, but I hope you give it your 110% effort first 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    4311 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I just think that’s an arbitrary thing.  People don’t feel in love 100% of every day.  It’s something that needs work.  If you no longer feel love towards your spouse, something else has failed.

    There are some days I feel this way, but that just signals to me that I need to figure out to get back to where we were.  Sometimes it’s the little things…

    The topic ‘Divorce question…’ is closed to new replies.

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