(Closed) Divorce question…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should you get a divorce if you no longer love your spouse?
    Yes : (108 votes)
    53 %
    No : (95 votes)
    47 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    11381 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @Nona99:  +1 to –

    Nope…because a person is only as good as their word…if you married this person you promised to be there, in good times, in bad times…FOREVER…you don’t ditch out just because you aren’t feeling it anymore.

    @bebero:  I don’t think she is trying to be judgemental. I think what she is trying to say is that marriage is work. It is not always going to be sunshine and rainbows.

    Marriage is also suppose to be forever. (Not including abuse, cheating, ect.) Just because something is broke doesn’t mean to throw it away. It means it is time to try and fix it.

    If you don’t fight for it, then it won’t happen. Once you fight for it, and try your hardest, and you feel like you are in a hopeless marriage, then I can see where someone is coming from.

    There are steps you can take before diving into a divorce. It is not just a simple yes or no question. Did the couple take therapy? Did they TRY to make it work before deciding to divorce? Did they have high expecations of what marriage is suppose to be? Did they forget the “for better and for worse” part? Did they try to make it work first?

    Post # 18
    Member
    1004 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    In My Humble Opinion there is never an easy answer for reasoning divorce.

     

    I was married 17 years when my ex told me he was no longer in love with me.  After all we had been through that was the straw that broke the camels back if you will. 

     

    He later told me he thought it was a starting point for us to begin again. That imo was a horrible way to do it lol, but its water under the bridge now.

     

    What I do know having been married that many years and having loved him through a lot of crap is that you don’t always *feel* in love with the other person, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Love fluctuates…and depending on whats going on in your life, if your going through rough times, you should NOT act on it nor say it. You should wait…pray if you believe in that or meditate and find why what exactly it is your feeling.  Ask for others advice, people you can trust and confide in, but dont ruin it until you know why you feel the way you feel.

     

    I know looking back my ex may have been telling the truth…we met and married young (18/19) and had pretty much every major life/marriage major stress a couple could go thru. His moment of truth may have been a weak moment, but to me that was a deal breaker.

     

    just my 2 cents.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    My answer is no, personally I think the legitimate reasons for divorce are very, very few. I think this is why the divorce rate is so high, because people don’t really take it seriously.

    If you want to be able to leave when you fall out of love, don’t get married. Date. That’s what dating is for. I know old people who have dated all their lives because they just don’t believe in ‘for better or worse.’ They’re honest and they have arranged their lives with integrity. Everyone expects “better’ but sometimes you get “worse.” Accept it or don’t do it.

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    7642 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No. I made vows to him. The question could be rephrased, “Is it ok to break a vow made to another person?”.

    Now if your spouse breaks their vows (e.g. is unfaithful or abusive) that’s different.

    Post # 22
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Magdalena:  guess what? if i want to be able to leave if I fall out of love, I can get married anyway. why? cause divorce exists and you’re not the boss of the world 🙂

    Post # 23
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @Birdee106:  That is so not a simple question! lol

    I think love is something you do, not something that happens to you.  So the question, to me, makes no sense.  I mean, yeah, I guess divorce is the thing to do if you don’t love your spouse anymore, but why ever did you stop?

    I second @Magdalena:.  Marriage and love are not things that happen to you, and neither is divorce.  They are things that you choose.

    Post # 24
    Hostess
    2556 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think if two people “fall” out of love with each other and have really tried to work through it to no avail, then, yes, divorce is acceptable.  Why be miserable?  If it’s just a cop out then no, I think it’s total BS.  Divorce is a reality, but I think it needs to be a last resort, not the first answer to a big quarrel.

    Post # 25
    Member
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Conditional yes: if you’ve tried all available avenues to fix your relationship. A marriage without love is torture for both parties; you’re not doing your spouse any favours by staying with them when you don’t love them.

    Post # 26
    Member
    5891 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I remember reading about a couple that had been married for 50+ years. They asked what the secret was. He replied, “Neither one of us fell out of love at the same time”. It’s not unusual to fall in and out of love with your spouse several times over the course of a long marriage. But you need to respect each other. I think you can fall back in love if  you respect each other, but if the respect is gone, the relationship is doomed. 

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    7900 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    You can’t force love to happen. Sometime people are still caught up in infatuation and think they are in love when really they aren’t. If love isn’t there, it’s not going to magically appear. Both people deserve to be in loving relationships.

    Post # 28
    Member
    7900 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @Junip3r:  Love is an emotion. You cannot choose your emotions. You can suppress them or enhance them or choose your responses and you can frame the situations that arouse the emotion, but you can’t delegate what emotions to feel in which situations.

    Post # 29
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016 - Santa Barbara Courthouse

    @MrsSanchizel:  +1

     

    Post # 30
    Member
    1571 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @bebero:  This answer is really bizarre and defensive. Whether you like her opinion or not, she is entitled to it. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    437 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I feel so strongly about this…  I think in this day and age we very much live in a disposable culture, where if something is broken you throw it out and get a new one.  I don’t think it used to be that way.  With marriage, I think you’re supposed to figure out BEFORE you get engaged whether or not you like this person enough to commit to make it work when you’re not necessarily “in love,” and love them enough to commit to make it work when you’re not sure you like them.  Because marriage is a looooong journey (or at least it’s supposed to be) and there will be times when you’re not in love with each other, and times when you aren’t even really sure you like each other.  But marriage is a partnership, much like a business.

    My parents have been together for about 33 years now, and I know it hasn’t always been easy. There are times when I was sure they would split.  But they stuck together and I dare say they’re happier now than ever before.  And the greatest gift they ever gave me is that example.

    I’m not saying there aren’t extreme examples where you need to cut your losses and get out of dodge.  My fiance is once divorced, and though I feel sad for him that he went through that, selfishly I am very happy his prior marriage didn’t work out (and honestly so is he…).  But in my marriage to him I am committed to making it work reagardless.  It’s like we’re rewinding a few hundred years to when divorce wasn’t an option, because for us it isn’t – we’re in this for the long haul.

    The topic ‘Divorce question…’ is closed to new replies.

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