(Closed) Divorce rates. What's up?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1522 posts
Bumble bee

@Mimoza:  what i noticed (even on the threads) is the first response to anything is just leave. at 23 i kno that it is not something u should hastily do wen things go wrong. ppl change situations change and life changes us which is okay but u hav to learn to make the adjustment. u hav to remember ur vows. im nt saying stay in an abusive situation but u shouldnt run wen times get hard

Post # 4
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

I’m divorced.

I think it’s a mix of reasons… I do think it’s more socially acceptable to be divorced now. I wanted to leave my husband for a while but I worked with a lot of older women who looked down on it. It wasn’t until I started working with a lot of divorced women that I really realised that I could leave and be ok.

I also think that we are less likely to settle/sacrifice now than maybe 20/30 years ago. I felt like I deserved better and deserved to be happy and went for it.

Another thing.. my parents have been married 30 years and my mom has never worked. I’ve always had a good job and worked hard so I knew that financially I could always stand on my own two feet. I think that has a lot to do with it too.

Post # 5
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you’re right about it not being taboo. But I also think that as women have become more and more independent and self-reliant, they realize they don’t HAVE to stay in a shitty situation. They can leave and still make it on their own, whereas back in the 50s and 60s, my grandmother was a housewife who never finished school (she only got to proabably 6th grade) and had 5 children. She was sort of “stuck” in her situation.

I’m not advocating divorce because times get tough. However, having gone through a marriage where I had a cheating ex, I know that life is too short to be miserable. And I tried to get it to work. I went to marriage counseling for a year and a half. Read all of the love language and “how to survive an affair” books. But he continued to have inappropriate friendships with women (and cheated again), and honestly, I just couldn’t recover from the initial affair. If you don’t have trust, you have nothing. And I simply didn’t trust him. And in my case, he was a professional musician who traveled a lot, and opportunity was always in his face. Many women just don’t care that men are married. And likewise, my ex didn’t care that he was married either.

Post # 7
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@Mimoza:  IMO divorce rates go up as the focus shifts from society to the individual. You will find that countries where ‘society’ is way more important than ‘individuals’ – like India, Bangladesh, the middle east etc. report far lower rates of divorce. The reason is that in those countries maintaining the ‘family unit’ for the sake of the children/parents/relatives/neighbours/random guy on the street is more important than the happiness of the people involved in the marriage. On the other hand, there are societies in which the focus is the individual and if the persons involved in the union aren’t happy, they are encouraged to find happiness elsewhere. You will find that the happiness quotient of people who belong to countries with low divorce rates is quite low. Lower divorce simply doesn’t translate into happier marriages. 

@babypearls:  Maybe the reason why they are asked to leave (usually given by mature women with experience) is because the people who advise know that life is too precious to be wasted being unhappy with a person who isn’t right for them. I personally find no merit in desperately holding on to each other in an unhealthy relationship that isn’t contributing positively to their lives. 

Post # 8
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Divorce was not a socially acceptable option before. You were expected to be miserable and stuck in an unhealthy marriage instead of being able to cut ties and start new.

I think implying that it’s “impatience” or being “spoiled” that is causing the uptick is very shortsighted and pretty offensive. And i’ve not even gotten a divorce!

Post # 9
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think the number one factor is access to divorce. A lot of unhappy people used to stay married because of social stigma, and that’s really not a healthy situation. Although it seems like a bad thing that divorce rates are up, if that means that people aren’t living in unhappy marriages and subjecting their children to the kinds of households that often causes to develop, then I’m all for it. It used ot be really hard for a beaten woman, for instance, to get out of a bad marriage. And divorce can be justified in much less extreme situations. If everyone is clearly unhappy and things are clearly not going to change, how is it good for those people, that family, or society for those two individuals to stay married?

Post # 10
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

People used to work very hard at making things work and wouldn’t give up when times got tough. Not always the case now but I do believe that a lot of people just give up before even really trying to fix things. It’s easier to just leave and assume you’ll find happiness elsewhere than to fix things.

Post # 11
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that accessibility is probably the #1 reason.  And, the second is the change in priorities as time goes on.  We’re getting more and more egocentric as we go forward.  It’s all about “me, me, me” and if whoever you’re with isn’t with you, they’re against you. 

 

Post # 12
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013
Post # 16
Member
1522 posts
Bumble bee

@Aquababes:  every situation is diff but ive been in my share of bad relationships and not every situation is cured with a ticket home. i DO believe if u r mentally or physically dying in a relationship and hav given it ur all then of course u should leave!

EX: my grandma left my grandfather a long long long (did i say long) time ago and turned even more bitter and angry but on the other side my SO was in a bad relationship for 7yrs and tried everything to fix it and it got to a very low point of depression… so its def a case by case scenario but u should try wen that doesnt work by all means walk away.

 

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