Divorce – What do you wish someone told you?

posted 7 months ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Amy Elizabeth :  Itʻs absolutley a positive thing! My ex definitely prioritized his friends and his party lifestyle over our marriage and building a life together. They just donʻt get it and they never will. Get rid of this free loader STAT. 

Post # 18
Member
6649 posts
Bee Keeper

Amy Elizabeth :  did anyone find that a job loss contributed to a marriage demise?

My ex was chronically unemployed. The less he worked the more I had to–we have three children–and the more successful I became the more angry and resentful he became. He “stayed home” for long periods but did almost nothing for the children or around the house. (I had to have a nanny and I did all the cooking, cleaning, etc. even though he wasn’t working.) Like a PPs husband he placed the blame for his woes on me. Tried counseling, etc., counselor kicked him out for not participating. 

I divorced him and guess what–he’s had three more lengthy periods of unemployment in the last five years. Be happy that you didn’t have children with him and move on to have a positive life on your own or make a life with someone who shares your goals. It sucks for a while and then it gets so, so much better. Hugs. 

 

Post # 19
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Amy Elizabeth :  it will end, you will be okay. Things will get better, you will find happiness, you will feel normal again. You will come out stronger and more confident and happier. 

Post # 21
Member
1121 posts
Bumble bee

I wish someone had told me it was okay to file for divorce sooner. My divorce proceedings lasted well over a year (he wanted alimony, me to pay his student loans, and for me to pay his attorneys fees, and he ended up dragging it on forever and getting absolutely nothing. 

I felt so free when it was all over. He was so emotionally draining, and I finally got my life back. 

Post # 23
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

(Sorry if this is duplicate, i think WB ate my first post)

I wish I had realized sooner that while the divorce is all time consuming in your mind to YOU,  it’s not to other people. I was so worried about judgements, reactions, the whole bit. And people are not thinking about it NEARLY as much as it seems (or it seemed to me at the time, that is), as they have their own lives to worry about. I realized this was especially true when I had a couple friends go through divorces after i went through mine. I was there for them, listened, and cared, but it was certainly not on my mind nearly as much as my own was at the time.

Also, i wish I had given myself permission to say “eff that noise – they aren’t living this life!” to people’s judgements and opinions. They dont know first hand what goes on day to day in a relationship or your life, so they can shut their mouths with opinions on what YOU should do. I noticed on FB a few years after my divorce that one of my biggest critics had a divorce of her own…and while I’m not happy she went through that, I certainly hoped she had learned her lesson about judging others. And really, should we be taking public votes on how to live our lives anyway? Yeah right!

Good luck. Life will be much better. Promise.

Post # 23
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Your loved ones will not be as disappointed in you as you may think. I delayed leaving for so long because I didn’t want to let my parents down. I thought our relationship would be tarnished. When I finally told them, they became my biggest supporters. I wish I’d done it sooner.

Post # 24
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee

Not practical  advice, but that it’s normal for you to have backsteps… Being ok for a year , then something makes you angry or sad. Acknowledge,  breathe,  move on. 

That it’s not a failure nor are you a bad person due to divorce. You can still make great choices and have wonderful things. 

 

Don’t trip over your past, consciously try your best to clear your mind of bad connotations and fears lingering due to divorce. Become  more  mindfully positive and receptive.  

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