Post # 1
What was your age when you got married (and his/her age) for the marriage that ended in divorce? Was it your first marriage? Second?
What were the circumstances around the decision to get married?
Did you think he really was the one, and you would last forever? I know it is not at all uncommon to marry realizing it won’t work out.
Thanks! I appreciate all your stories.
Post # 3
I will probably be checking back at this. Great idea for a thread.
Post # 4
We were high school sweethearts and when he joined the military, the best option for us at the time was to get married (at 18.) It allowed us to move together, increased our income, and just seemed to make sense at that point in our lives. I don’t regret the decision for a minute, but it became VERY clear as we got older that it just wasn’t working. We were married 6 1/2 years and remain friends, even now after being divorced for 2 years.
Post # 5
@Teh0817: That’s something I don’t think many people take into account. I feel like if your marriage ends on good terms, and you can remain friends or you grew because of the experience, then the divorce wasn’t a “failure”. We all grow and learn, so a marriage that ends in divorce doesn’t need to be a mistake.
People grow and change, so if the relationship worked for a while, but doesn’t anymore, then it is time to move on and experience something else that is more fitting to where you are in life.
Post # 6
@bunnyharriet: I agree. We are in the lucky minority, though. 🙂 I feel good about my marriage(and it’s end) because without it, quite frankly, I wouldn’t be who I am, or where I am now. And I’m happy! Don’t get me wrong…the end was hard for both of us. But we knew it was for the best and we are both happier and much better off now. It’s been great to see him move on and be happy. lol I’m actually pretty proud of the things he’s accomplished since we split that he would not have done if we had stayed together. And I know he’s happy that I’m exactly where I need to be, and with the person that I should be 😀
Post # 7
I was 28 and he was 22. I was from Canada and he was from the USA. Both first marriages. We rushed into getting married so we could be together and I could get my Visa to move there to be with him…We were together for a year a half in a long distance relationship before we got married. In my mind I think my internal clock was ticking and i was getting older and wanted to find that person that I wanted to be with forever. I thought he was the one and any of the “red flags” I somehow overlooked to believe he was the one.
I completely agree with both of the PP. Although my marriage technically only lasted 84 days, it made me the person I am today. I wouldn’t be who I am and wouldn’t be as open and loving to my SO now. At the time I thought my life was over when everything happened but my experiences have made me truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. If it wouldn’t have happened the way that it did I would have never met the love of my life that I am with now.
I do however hope that karma catches up to him and wish him a miserable life 🙂 Only because I don’t want him to ever do to another woman what he did to me.
Post # 8
First marriage – I had just turned 22, he was 31. I didn’t think he was “the one” (because I don’t believe that there’s just one person for anyone), but I loved him and thought we could build a happy life together. I was pretty naive and idealistic and didn’t want to admit that his individual problems and our problems as a couple were too big for me to overcome on my own. He cheated, was physically abusive on occasion, and was always battling some form of mental/emotional disorder or addiction. It was exhausting. And I’m really glad he left because I probably would have kept trying to make it work, and who knows where I’d be now.
Post # 9
I was 23 and he was 33. I think at the time I thought he was “the one”. We dated almost four years before we got married. We were married for 2 years on paper, but I moved out at about 1.5 years.
At the time when we started to split up I didn’t know why, I just knew something had to give if we were going to work and he just basically told me to get out. We worked together, and turns out he was cheating with someone else we worked wtih. Nice huh? She was married too, and they got married to eachother super fast. I think our divorce had been final around 4 months and hers pretty much the 60 days or whatever you have to wait before you can marry again. Needless to say we’re not friends. I moved out of the state and haven’t looked back.
If that hadn’t happened I wouldn’t be where I am now in my life. Which is a pretty awesome place wtih a great guy for a husband. 🙂
Post # 10
I was 21, him 24. No cheating, abuse, etc, we just married WAY too young without developing ourselves.
We got married the same reasons everyone else does – love. but we were not as compatible as we should have been…over the years we had fights, talks about breaking up, good moments, and plenty of bad. Finally I just couldn’t take living an unhappy, unpassionate life.
Post # 11
I was the most self-assured 19 year-old you’ll ever meet. He was 21 and had some growing up to do… we both did! So we literally grew apart. Too young to make a commitment like that. Period.
BUT… I’m glad to have been so stupidly in love at a young age because, if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t even be living in the city where I met my sweetheart. The man who, after 4 years of dating, will be my husband in a couple of months. As an adult making this adult decision, I can only appreciate how far I’ve come in the past 8 years.
Post # 12
I was 18, he was 19. I got pregnant and thought I was doing the ‘right thing’ by getting married. I didn’t love him, I just wanted to do what I’d been raised to do, provide a home for my child….short story of it was that i was wrong. Being pregnant is NEVER the right reason to get married. I was divorced by the time I was 21. Lesson learned. We were both too young. The only thing I got out of that marriage was an amazing son and a valuable lesson.
Post # 13
I married at 20 for my first marriage. It lasted 15 years, but I definitely feel we were too young to get married. People change a lot in their 20’s, early 30s.
Post # 14
23 and 24! We weren;t doen growing and had gotten back together after a long break up. We felt it was the next best step. But we ended our marriage amazingly, and ended up picking up our friendship where we left off before we got married. We had a planned baby during our marriage as well, and she is amazing. My current husband and my ex husband get a long and hang out. We have one big happy blended family now! It couldn’t have worked out any better.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room
I was 20 and he was 24. We had been together 3 years before we got married.. got engaged after just 1 year and had a 2 year engagement. We lived together the 2 years we were engaged. Unfortunately, things went downhill almost immediately after we got married. Before we got married, his “drive” was medium to low.. which was fine. After we got married… he didn’t want to touch me, go near me in that way… nothing. It was like a negotiation every time. Pulling teeth.
Then he would get jealous when I would hang out with friends (which never happened before). We went to counselling… but had to go through several counsellors to find the right one. And right before our second session with our 3rd person, he (after disappearing for several days to tell his whole family) told me he was done and wanted a divorce. This was all just days before my birthday (which no one even called me for).
Before we got married, I was so absolutely in love and certain he was the one. We rarely argued, were on good terms financially, and laughed together all the time. *Sigh* You never know!
Post # 16
hmm, I was 19 He was 21. We met my freshman year of college. We married the end of my sophomore year and I transfered colleges.
He was going Grad school across the country and I knew long distance wouldnt work me. And I couldnt commit to traveling from WA to MA without being “married”. Ah the old days. We lasted 27 years. Basically grew up together. The largest part of my memories are there. Sometimes I miss that- the “remember whens”. But Mountain Man and I have more and more of “remember when” moments now.