(Closed) Divorced Bees- At what age did you marry?

posted 9 years ago in Encore
  • poll: How old were you when you married, for the marriage that ended in divorce?

    Under 20

    20 to 24 years old

    25 to 29 years old

    30 to 34 years old

    35 to 39 years old

    40+ years old

    Not Divorced- but want to see the results.

  • Post # 47
    Member
    4560 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @This Time Round:  WOW, you are a strong woman and it’s great you have found so much hapiness. If you don’t mind me asking, how were your children affected by growing up in abusive household?

    Post # 48
    Member
    604 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @This Time Round:  Woah, amazing story. Thanks for sharing.

     

    My ex was an abusive douche, he hasn’t any problems either so that’s just the way he rolls. He also hasn’t grown up at all since our split and still has his little garage bands where he dresses up and poses for photo shoots making sure to look ‘severe’ in every one of them – at the time I thought that would blow over. Don’t read this wrong, I am a music journalist and used to be a musician, but he took it to that point where we’d post it on the internet and make a meme out of it.

    I was 23 and he was 28 and I had massive pressure from my family and him to get married. They ran with the whole wedding planning while I sulked. Closer to the wedding I felt I couldn’t call it off because so much money had been spent. I think I was made to feel that way too.

     

    It didn’t last long and his moods and emotional abusive intensified in the short time we were married. I spent many years regretting getting getting married, in fact it WAS the biggest regret of my life. Now I am happy I did because it made him secure enough to show his true colours and I left, before the wedding I thought he was a little douchy but not all that bad – he got soooo much worse almost immediately after we said ‘i do’. While it was still the worst day of my life, if I didn’t go through with it I’d still be dating someone I didn’t know very well at all because he would never have been comfortable enough to show his true self. 

     

     

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    438 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I was 23, my ex was 22.  We were college sweethearts, but there were red flags the whole way — he was pressuring me to marry him early, like when we were 19 and 20, he couldn’t keep his grades up (and I graduated cum laude), he pitched a fit when a mentor of mine wanted to help me get into the Sorbonne in Paris for graduate study, and he proposed that night in order to keep me in the States.  We got married a year after I graduated, mostly because he had a job and I needed health insurance.  It was an awful marriage.  He resented me for everything.  He was abusive, controlling, and a liar.  He milked my parents and my grandparents out of money, stole my money and my student loans, tried his damnedest to sabotage my grad school career, gambled compulsively, faked a suicide attempt to get me back when I tried to leave the first time, carried on an affair with a student of mine, got himself arrested a few times, and managed to put a huge gash in my leg “on accident” that he wouldn’t let me go to the hospital for, so I had to stitch it up myself.  He was a gem of a man, let me tell you.  I hope he and his mistress, whom he recently married, are every jot as happy as he made me.  We were married three years, and I was never so happy as the day I left him.

    That was a few years ago.  My current SO is about to propose, probably in the next few months, and I’m really excited to be marrying someone that really is “the one.”  My ex wasn’t, and I knew it.  We were too young, and he was wicked, wicked unstable — he had severe mental illness and wouldn’t take his meds or go to therapy ever.  But I was so damned devoted to honouring my commitments that it meant he could victimise me and I would feel ashamed for it.  He really did a number on me, and I’m still working on those issues, every day.  It’s a lot to process, but my SO is so sweet and understanding.  I feel lucky, now.

    Post # 50
    Member
    800 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think when you’re with someone for a long time (8 yrs in my case), you reach a point where you feel like you should either get married or break up. And sometimes… you get married when you should have broken up. That’s what happened to me and my FH. It took us about a year after the wedding to realize we’d made a catastrophic mistake. We were friends for a while after the divorce,  but then he got involved with someone seriously and she didn’t want us associating, so we no longer speak. He’s remarried, has two kids, and seems happy by all accounts.

    Post # 51
    Member
    721 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I was 21 and pregnant. We stayed married for 20 years (about 15 years too long!). We were just complete opposites and had nothing in common besides the kids.

    We still talk and we both have new partners now and we’re all much happier!!

    Post # 52
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    commenting to follow

    Post # 53
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    We were both (barely) 18 years old when we married. He was “The One” for quite a while, but things change…and not always for the better. 

    I have no doubt that “The One” this time is the real deal. We’ve been through the “for better or worse” and then some over many years, but this bond can’t be broken. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I married at 22, got pregnant at 23 and had my child at 24…..when I was 26 I walked in on him in bed with a home wrecking whore. Needless to say that ended in divorce.  I’m engaged now at 34 and finally have everything I’ve ever wanted.

    Post # 55
    Member
    653 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    What was your age when you got married (and his/her age) for the marriage that ended in divorce?

    I was 20, he was 32.

    Was it your first marriage? Second?

    It was my first. 

    What were the circumstances around the decision to get married?

    Growing up in a dysfunctional family, I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was.  I also had low self-esteem so I figured this was as good as it was going to get for me. I was also pressured by my religious congregation to get married (to avoid “rumors” of fornication and whatnot).  I’ve been out of the religion now for about 10 years. 

    Did you think he really was the one, and you would last forever? I know it is not at all uncommon to marry realizing it won’t work out.

    Deep down I didn’t see myself with him for the rest of my life.  I couldn’t see it.  He also became abusive (physically) so that was the end of that.  Thankfully I didn’t have any children with him. 


    Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/divorced-bees-at-what-age-did-you-marry#ixzz2Q56bWUDi

    Post # 56
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I married my first husband when I was 16 and he was 22. We had been engaged for 2 years.

    That may seem shocking but my mother was a dragon & I had to do all the housework, washing ironing and cooking from 10 years old I virtually ran the household.

    So I had grown up way too fast and looked and acted far more mature than my years. We married for love i thought we would have 6 kids and grow old together.

    He had a heart murmur and started having panic attacks aand the doc prescribed him addictive meds that he was allergic to. He became unreasonable & violent. In the end I had to leave for my own safety after 5 years. No children.

    We stayed friends and he recently said to me he only ever loved me and always would. I am 61 now so he has carried that for 40years despite marrying again and having 2 children. He is unhappy and full of regret. I feel sorry for him.

    Post # 57
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee

    21…he was 20. We had been together 7 years and I did think he was ‘the one’. The relationship ended because his mental state deteriorated and it was no longer safe for me to stay and he refused help. I know if he had of sought help we would have stayed together but now (years later) I wonder if it would have worked for other reaons. Hard to say really because when you’re in a situation you don’t see all the realities of it. Now that it’s behind me I see way more holes in the relationship. But I was (and still am) a stubborn type that would have kept at it because I’m a “never surrender” type. I stayed even when I should have left because I wanted so much to fight for it. It took police intervention for me to walk away.

    Post # 58
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Manor over a fall

    First marriage i  just turn 20 years old, he was 28 almost 29. It was in 1980.  The year befor i told my mom that we woukd like to live together for a couple years before married and my mom said no way.  She was not religious but it was a social thing.  As i am a lonely child, i always wants to please my parents.  He was a business man so it fits the social agenda. So we married.  In less than a year i knew that he was not the one for me.  he was selfish, never did housework, never had time for me, je was always at the golf course or playing hockey or baseball, never paid for one diner out but i want it to work and not failed.  So i tought that with times everything will be ok and that he need adjustment from bachelor life to married life but he never adjust.  I want kids so we had two daughters and again i tought that he will take his reponsabilities but he did not even change a diaper or give a bottle.  I did not want to divorce so i sucked it up.  When my daughters were 3 and 4 years, one of my daughter told me something that her dad did to her.  He touched her and he request to be touched in an appropriate way.  Everything collapse at that moment.  I called the police and social services.  I will not tell all the details but this is what ended the marriage.  I was wed for 8 years

     

    i met a lovely man 15 years ago.  He had custody for his 2 daughters 7 and 5 years old at the time. We live together for 14 years. We had a very happy family time and now grand parents.  we are now empty nesters and will marry next october.  

    I hope you understand me as i am french speaking, english is my second language 

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