Post # 1
Just as a background, I have a great relationship with my ex-husband. We have been apart for 5 years and share custody of a wonderful son.
I knew he was dating someone seriously, but he had told me that he did not intend to marry her as he was happy with having his “freedom” (FYI, his need freedom/free time to pursue his own hobbies & interests was a huge part of why we split up). Fast foward to June, when my son came home from his weekend with Dad and announced “Daddy asked Jane (not her real name) to marry him.” I then proceeded to find out that she did not want to live together before being married (mind you, they are both 38 years old and this is the second marriage for both of them) and wanted to be married within 3 months. (No, she’s not pregnant…I asked)
So….they got married this weekend, which also happened to be my birthday. For some reason, I am feeling very blue about it, even though I am madly in love with Fiance and am genuinely happy for my ex. Did anyone else feel this way, or am being silly?
Thanks Bees ~ I could just use a little support because I feel so stupid about being sad!!!
Post # 3
@MissMiaMarch: i am not even sure if my exhusbands are remarried. i know that my last exbf was engaged but broke up before getting married. regardless, i would not really care. i only focus on my happiness.
Post # 4
@MissMiaMarch: I didn’t, but then again my relationship with my ex was quite different than yours. I was glad he was remarried because it meant a better situation for my young children when they were with their Dad. Instead of a parade of different women at the breakfast table, there was one woman in his life that they could actually get to know.
Post # 5
@MissMiaMarch: I haven’t divorced but my best friend has. She handled a divorce as well as anyone I’ve ever seen: kicked him out immediately when he cheated, got busy socially to take her mind off him, didn’t date immediately but did after a couple of years. etc. – and was generally really happy with post-first-marriage life.
And yet, when she heard her ex had remarried, she still was quite stunned and taken aback. Despite having 100% moved on, the thought of her ex remarrying was a bit of a blow, for reasons she couldn’t quite explain.
So ((hugs)), I think it’s quite normal.
Post # 6
@paula1248: Thank you…I just needed to hear one empathetic story like my own!
Yes, I am happy for the stability that the new wife will bring into my son’s life as well!
You have a great attitude! Unfortunately, I worry about everyone’s happiness and that can be really stressful at times. Looks like I need to steal a page out of your play book!
Post # 7
@MissMiaMarch: I havent gone through this but I just wanted to say that it sounds completely normal.. I can’t imagine shrugging it off like no big deal, I mean at one point you were married to the man!
Post # 8
Post # 9
Yes I felt sad. For his new wife.
For myself, I felt a renewed sense of relief that I no longer had to deal or put up with him!
Post # 10
I was glad to be rid of him. But he was engaged to the girl he cheated on me with 2 weeks after our divorced was finalized, and they got married about 6 months later. They are still married (as far as I know), but not very happily from what I’ve heard.
Post # 11
I surely wasn’t when my ex remarried. He married the bitch lady he cheated on me with within six months of our divorce being final. She was married too, so as soon as the ink on her divorce papers was dry they got married. Oh, fun fact: we all worked at the same place. I hope he’s happy with 5 or 6 kids that he said he never wanted (1 of them is his that I know of). I’m 95% sure she was pregnant when they got married, so he got her KU while she was still married to the other guy. Gem of a guy huh?! I haven’t spoken to him in the 10 years we’ve been apart. Good-fucking-riddance.
Considering you have a normal friendly relationship with the man and a child together, I don’t think it’s all that weird to have those feelings.. I just can’t relate since I didn’t experience a good divorce!
Post # 12
My ex re-married within 6 months of our divorce being final. met – moved in – engaged – married. All within 6 months. All together now: “REBOUND”.
My feelings: Woo Hoo! He leaves me alone. More so after he found out I got engaged. As long as his wife stays out of my business and doesn’t overstep her step parenting boundaries with me (she has her own 3 kids and her own x and his wife to deal with)…then we are cool.
@Krispi: When I see my ex, he looks MISERABLE! He looks so unhappy LOL!! I just laugh. I find it hilarious. Seriously. I know he was stressed out with our 2 kids. And when we were around his nieces/nephew or friends kids, even more stressed out and couldn’t handle the situation….and his wife has 3 kids. So that makes 7 people, plus 2 dogs all under one roof, the man is going nuts.
Post # 13
I was a little sad when my ex remarried. Although I agree with PP that is was a good thing as far as having one woman being a constant presence rather than a differnt woman every month around our child. And his new wife is fine- never had a problem with her.
Post # 14
@MissMiaMarch: I was with my ex-FI for nearly a decade. We weren’t legally married but close enough. He did get married and has kid(s) now. To answer your question, I don’t care at all. If I did, I’d be worried I wasn’t over it yet. I think a true test of being over someone is not caring if they are with someone else.
Post # 15
I have never been married before, but I did date someone for 5 years and went through a very, very rough break-up. When he recently started dating someone seriously, I felt a little weird. I don’t know if sad is the right word, but definitely…. nostalgic. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. When you’re really, really serious with someone, you imagine a future with them. You imagine your lives together and what the future will hold for you two. When that future breaks apart, and that person’s future is with someone else, I think it’s totally normal to have feelings of grief – even if you’re in love with your Fiance.
Post # 16
Thanks Bees, you are all awesome!
@QueenOfSerendip: Your post really captured my exact feelings. Thank you so much for putting it into words so eloquently!
Bite your tongue Mrs. Panda!!! No leftover love here. Love that he gave me a beautiful son, but that’s it. 🙂