(Closed) Divorced Bees: Did you feel sad when your ex-husband remarried?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@QueenOfSerendip:  I think those feelings of grief should be dealt with before moving on. If I was still hung up on someone (and caring one way or the other about who he is with means I care too much) then I wouldn’t be married now.

Post # 18
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MrsPanda99:  I see your point, and ideally you would be able to forget all about the other person and have no lingering feelings about them at all. I would say I’m at that point now with my longest relationship, but I had a couple healthy relationships with other men while I wasn’t at that point. It’s more about grieving those years of your life, and who you were back then, than it is about the man or the relationship itself. It’s hard for me to remember being 17 without remembering my then-boyfriend, and how I felt about him then (even if I don’t feel that way now). My 17-year-old self really believed we would be married with a kid by now. My 23-year-old self doesn’t care a thing about EXBF, but remembering old relationships can sometimes put you back in your former frame of mind. Once in a while, I drive by our old picnic site, and I can’t help but let a smile creep onto my face when I remember how he used to take me out there with a couple bagels and coffee and we’d watch the sunrise. 

Would I ever consider reigniting a relationship with him? Not a chance, that’s better left in the past. But I wouldn’t necessarily fault DH if he had fond memories of an ex, or had a little moment of weirdness if he found out she was getting married. These people were our lives, albeit a long time ago. (He has no major exes that would cause this, but that was hypothetical)

Post # 19
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@QueenOfSerendip:  I know what you mean. I only have the one major ex but that was nearly a decade of my time. We traveled a lot, did a lot, and shared a lot. Sometimes those memories come back in my mind, i.e. if I travel to those same places again. I guess the issue is whether or not you linger on the feelings. I don’t think there is a problem with remembering, but legitmately feeling bad or sad about your ex moving on is a problem in my book.

Post # 20
Member
3380 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I had to hop on this thread to hopefully gain some insight on our situation.

Fiance has 2 children with an ex-girlfriend. They have been broken up well over 10 years. They have a history of not getting along, and I’ve seen some of her thinly-veiled threats over the years through texts, but they are civil for  the kids sake (or have been that I’ve witnessed) and she has always known about me: knows we have lived together for years. The few times I’ve seen her, she was friendly (although I got the vibe it was forced), and even sent him a text once telling him to thank me for being “so encouraging” of his relationship with his kids.

So things are fine and dandy until we get engaged. I encouraged him to be the one to tell her, so she didnt hear it through the kids. Within in *10 minutes* of him telling her, her disposition changed entirely. Since then, she has been incredibly unkind and volatile…and finding out we are getting married is the only thing that has changed.

I’m guessing she would answer “yes” to this thread, though i’m unsure why.

 

Post # 21
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

My ex was a mean S.O.B. I was hoping he would quietly die before he killed someone. Unfortunately he didnt and he did remarry. He remarried his first wife whom divorced him three years before I met him.

However its on the rocks as he is an abusive asshole, she has already kicked him out once. She called be just before their wedding to tell me “I didnt want you to be shocked that we are together and deciding to remarry but I have seen the devil leave his body and he is cured of drugs and alcohol, and we wanted you to hear it from us.”

My Response? “I’ll be praying for your safety.” 

Day after their wedding, no less than four people saw him at a known drug house using her money to buy drugs while she is working.

Post # 22
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Not a bit. When I walk away, it is done.

Post # 23
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Absolutely not.

Post # 24
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee

I WISH he would remarry. I would throw a party. 

Post # 25
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was irritated, mostly.  My ex got engaged to the woman he cheated on me with, a former student of mine, who moved in with him about a fortnight after I walked out, before the separation agreement was even done.  They got married about a year and a half after that, six months after the divorce was final, no-one told me, but all our mutual friends went to the wedding, since they had decided not to take sides.  A few took the time to enthuse about how happy it was that we had all moved on with our lives and everything was so wonderful now.  (I still had no credit, no savings, and debt from his gambling habit I was trying to shed, so wonderful for me!)  I am not friends with those people any longer.

Frankly, I hope he treats her better than he treated me, and if I’m sad at all, I’m sad that he is going to most likely make another woman miserable with his abusive, ugly bullshit.  But my life has moved on.  I think about them occasionally, but I try not to focus on it.  It would be different if there had been kids — kids means you never really get that person out of your life.  So I suspect that’s where some of the sadness comes from, the connection you still have with the kids.

Post # 26
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

View original reply
MissMiaMarch:  

Hi there,

I have been divorced for 4 years and had remained very good friends with my ex-husband for the first 3 years until he met his new wife.  At first I was happy he had met someone new and broken up with the girl he had left me for originally.  I had hoped this new person in his life would accept he had a past and allow us to remain friends as we have a son together.  Alas this was not the case and she started setting all sorts of demands saying she would leave him if he stayed friends with me. 

Unfortunately like many relationships today she is 15 years younger than my ex-husband and seems these young girls can get away with controlling every situation.  As in your situation my ex-husband had all sorts of plans to travel and enjoy life as he is nearing retirement age but a year after meeting his new girlfriend has recently married her and everything has changed.

I have felt extremely drepressed and unhappy inside when I found out they were getting married.  Sad that we can no longer stay in contact, sad that he can no longer retire as he will now have to start again with a new family and extremely sad that he allows all this to happen.  I dont think its easy to see someone you once loved, marrying someone else, especially after 25 years of marriage but I hope in time I will be able to heal and forgive.

Post # 27
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was actually very happy when my ex remarried. I was the one who wanted out of the marriage and he was so broke up. So when he found someone and was happy it was like a weight was lifted off me lol. My situation is different from yours though. I was happy for semi selfish reasons.

Post # 28
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Our divorce was hard on me. But, I’m over it and much happier now and wish him nothing but the best in his life (even though I could easily hate him forever – but that doesn’t serve any purpose). He’s not remarried yet, but I heard through mutual friends that he’s engaged. Good for him. I hope for her sake he’s done with his cheating ways.

Post # 29
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

Yes, I get sad every time I think (for more than a couple of seconds) about my ex if I’m honest.  Not sad in a “I want him back” way because I don’t, but just a little sad thinking about the good times we had and how excited and happy we were when we got married.  Also because we’re on good terms and we didn’t have one particular thing that went wrong – no one cheated etc.  If you guys had a healthy and onetime happy married then I think it’s totally normal.  It doesn’t signify that you don’t have a happy, healthy relationship with your current SO.

My ex hasn’t remarried but if he did I think I would again be sad but happy for him that he’s happy and has met someone else.  

So I totally get it 🙂

Post # 30
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee

Oh please, I wish the mfer would get remarried. 

The topic ‘Divorced Bees: Did you feel sad when your ex-husband remarried?’ is closed to new replies.

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