(Closed) Divorced FILs and DRAMA

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
4074 posts
Honey bee

I would have a talk with fsmil . His mother should be in your guys lives if you guys want her to . Maybe fsmil feels hate to fmil cus she had her husband first and maybe ffil might say something that makes her hate fmil ? Idk I hope it works out . 

Post # 3
Member
952 posts
Busy bee

🙁

I am sorry. I know you are kicking yourself now wishing you had just assumed responsibility for asking fmil to fmil to Christmas. 

Maturing doesn’t always coincide with graciousness. 

When I was planning my wedding ( years ago) my father…came up with the brilliant idea of trying to find himself two very large breasted blonds…One for each arm. My mother and father haven’t been together in over 20 years and my mother has been re – married for a long while now. 

My father is still an immature dolt. And yes my mother would still be jealous. 

Apparently age gets u nowhere when it comes to ex’s.

 

Just ignore…proceed.

Post # 4
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Since you are closer with the FSMIL, I think you and Fiance should sit down with her and tell her that Future Mother-In-Law needs to be included in all the planning and activities. I would straight up say that you and Fiance are not going to tolerate fighting or whining. You want everyone to have fun and anyone that isn’t having fun is welcome to bow out.

I would try to frame it as her being the bigger person and how you hope you can make Future Mother-In-Law feel comfortable as it’s HER son’s wedding. Then maybe you can do the same convo with Future Mother-In-Law and make it seem like you are a team and we need to make sure FSMIL is happy so she doesn ruin everything. They both sound petty.

Just remember the drama at the wedding is what people love and remember. Not the centerpieces. 

Post # 5
Member
9260 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
Anonyfish:  If I understand this correctly, your family was hosting Christmas dinner so you should have invited your future mother-in-law. It would be very awkward for your fiance’s dad and his new wife to invite your fiance’s mom to your family’s house for Christmas. You are correct that you should not have delegated this communication. It’s not a matter of how well the exes get along, it’s a matter of who’s hosting and therefore who should be issuing invitations (even verbal ones). Since your family was hosting, they — or more likely you as their representative — should have invited everyone including your future mother-in-law.

Post # 6
Member
47420 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
smoocherific:  Maturing doesn’t always coincide with graciousness. 

I beg to differ. Maturity does include graciousness., but maturity means way more than just getting older. Apparently OP’s Dad and FSMIL have not matured at all, merely aged.

View original reply
Anonyfish:  Tell your Dad and FSMIL that you will not tolerate them showing that level of disrespect to your mother again.  They are adults and you request that they behave like mature adults and be civil to one another. If your Mom was good enough for your Dad to marry and have children with, she is good enough for him to treat respectfully.

Post # 7
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

At no time should Future Father-In-Law or FSMIL be in charge of inviting or communicating with Future Mother-In-Law.  You guys need to communicate with them and communicate with Future Mother-In-Law.  I know you said you are kicking yourself over delegating this but I can’t understand why you guys thought it was their responsibility to invite Future Mother-In-Law to YOUR parent”s Christmas celebration.  That should have come from  you or your parents. 

Post # 8
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, I would apologize profusely to Future Mother-In-Law.  It was your family’s duty as hosts to communicate invites.  Yes, FSMIL may be awful, but this could have been avoided.   If FSMIL and Future Mother-In-Law do not want to be near each other, you may have to alternate invites in the future. 

Second, I would tell FSMIL how dissapointed I was in the situation. 

Third, FSMIL has shown her colors to you.  She cannot be trusted — so do not delegate anything to her involving wedding (or Future Mother-In-Law will likely end up outside looking in).

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