Divorced? I want to hear your opinion on weddings.

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
664 posts
Busy bee

My second wedding is going to be quite a bit more expensive then my first.

I was 21 my first wedding; we had no money and managed to do our wedding for ~$6000 (not including dress and rings). It was ALOT of work. Everything DIY, ceremony in the park (free), reception in a cheap hall. The benefit of the hall was that we had to bring everything in; if you are trying to save money find a venue that you can do this in. We brought our own caterer ($25/pp), provided our own booze (toonie bar, what we didn’t use we could return to liquor store), made our own centerpieves (bulk flowers and vases from dollar store, bulk votives), borrowed linens from my parents church (they are pastors), had them perform the ceremony, a new to the business photographer. It was a ton of work and I had to skimp on areas I would have preferred to have not.

Wedding #2 I am spending ALOT more. I am 30 and my Fiance and I have stable careers and good savings. We will be spending about $25k on the wedding. This will allow me to have: Much nicer venue, cocktail hour, better photographer, better food and selection, more flowers/candles in the decor (and paying someone to do it), a wedding planner (who has already been amazing) so I dont need to rely on friends to do everything, nicer table/chair rentals, nicer wines with an open bar, etc.

So obviously no, i’m not doing things more simple this time :). My wedding the first time was too simple; we had a great time sure, but it was too much stress/work and I missed out on alot of things I wanted

Post # 3
Member
3233 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

All that little junk isn’t worth it, divorced or not.  Don’t get caught up in the tiny details – just work on making it a fun and authentic experience for you and for your guests.

I don’t regret my big (165 people) fun wedding, even though the marriage didn’t last.  It is still probably the best day of my life, to date.  It was a celebration of love and friendship and family, and that doesn’t change even though the marriage didn’t last.  

However, it was also a hassle and there’s no way I’m going through all those shenanigans again!   My partner and I will probably elope just the two of us this summer.  He’s also divorced so neither of us feels like we need to do a big thing this time around.  It’s also gonna be a shotgun wedding, haha.  That said, while I did adore my ex, I am sooooo much more excited to spend my life with this guy and I know our wedding will be amazing to us.

Post # 4
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

My first wedding was a big do, cost a fair bit, (although it was 20 years ago and weddings in the uk in those days weren’t as big as these days). I felt “on show” all day and didn’t really enjoy it to be honest. It was for other people, and because it was the done thing. This time round I had a registry office ceremony with food at home for family followed by a boozy party at a local venue, where there was just cake and people bought their own drinks. We put an iPod on for music. The first wedding cost around £7k, (quite a bit in those days), and my second last year cost around £800 including the dress and ring. I enjoyed it more, it meant more. Perhaps that’s because I spent so much first time round and it failed. I don’t know, but I do know that this time I basically boiled  everything right down to the only thing that mattered, which was marrying my soul mate, the vows and what they meant. Only you can decide what is right for you but you certainly don’t have to have all the trimmings. It’s the act and the sentiment that matters. 

Post # 5
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

P.s. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been 

Post # 6
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

I dont think being divorced necessarily has anything to do with your perspective on weddings. I first got married at 24 – had a small but fancy wedding (my parents paid) but I could not have given less of a shit about it – my mom basically planned it all (and it was lovely and so fun). He was a terrible guy and we divorced 3 years later. I got remarried at 33 to an amazing man – and again, could not have given less of a shit about the wedding 🙂 only this time, I had to plan it because we were paying for it. Honestly, we probably would have eloped if my husband’s adorable niece who I adore hadn’t greeted news of our engagement with “I can’t wait to be a flowergirl!” That ended up being a 25k inadvertent guilt trip 🙂 (but no regrets, we had a fun, low key wedding and she got to be the sweetest little flower girl) 

Post # 7
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

Weddings aren’t something I want to spend a lot on, so first wedding I spent under $1000. This one will be under $500 probably. First wedding was 24 people, this one will be more people, but if we do a reception it will be at our home with just snacks no full dinner and it would be a house warming party combined with wedding celebration…I hate attention on me. If people are hoping I have a big wedding for the second one to “make up” for my first, it isn’t going to happen and we’re just having a small wedding on the beach with like 10 people max.

Post # 8
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My first wedding was in Vegas 35 family members flew out. It was in the garden of a beautiful hotel on the strip, flowers, music, pictures, cake etc were chosen from like a tri-fold menu! It was so easy and fun. I had been a bridesmaid in enough weddings to see stressed to the max brides not having any fun and that’s definitely not what I wanted. After 10 yrs and 2 kids that marriage ended. I’m getting married for the second time this summer, this is also my fiancé’s second marriage, we both wanted something totally different that either of us had before obviously. This time I’m having an outdoor ceremony and a reception in a barn. In talking to other people it seems at venues that make you but their food it costs way more so you’ll probably want to avoid that unless you find a good deal. We are paying for this one ourselves so we’re on a bit of a budget. Although we did hired a planner, it was a splurge but again I DO NOT want to stress on our special day! We aren’t focused on empressing people we want it to be a super fun down to earth wedding that truly reflects us and our new family, it’s more about a sweet expression of love followed by a super fun casual party. Have the wedding YOU want skip the stuff you don’t want to do and put it towards what’s important to you guys! Your guest are there because they LOVE you, not to judge you and if they’re going to don’t invite them! I really don’t care if it’s in a park with grilled hamburgers, if I can feel the love and see the happiness in the bride and groom it makes the whole thing beautiful 💕 

Post # 9
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

For me 3rd time is a charm lol. I have always been drawn to small weddings. My first one was a church wedding at age 20. My brother got married the year before and my parents said we will cover the bar tab for a wedding or pay for it all if you have a small one. So we opted for a small one (about 40 people) and spent our money on a honeymoon for a week in the Poconos.

Second wedding at age 38 and was about 20 people at a local park and since we were huge local music fans we had our reception at a local music benefit that helped a 12 yo girl with expenses for a liver transplant. She now has a baby of her own and is doing well! Our honeymoon was staying at family house for a week at Myrtle Beach with my kids. 

This time is going to be a small elopement at a lake at age 44 with only my kids, us and my mom, officiant and photographer. I’ve realized that it is very important for my kids and my mom to be there but I don’t need the blessings of friends. It’s more personal and about what we want as a couple for joining our family this time. Neither of us enjoy being the center of attention. Our honeymoon is a cabin on 23 acres with just the 2 of us where we plan on hiking and looking at waterfalls for the weekend.

 

Post # 10
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
acg90 :  My second wedding will be significantly smaller (200 guests first time, 50 second time.)My first wedding was also religious, second one won’t be (we are both mildly religious but are not affiliated with any particular church or religion). We are spending waaaaaaaaay less on the second wedding than what was spent the first time. Also, this wedding my bridesmaids are able to pick out their own dress as long as it’s grey and they can wear it again. They guys won’t be renting tuxes, they will wear button down shirts and ties. This time, there will be no shower, (traditional) bachelorette/bachelor parties, nothing like that. I feel like I’ve done all that before, I’m not particularly fond of being the center of attention. My bridesmaids are planning to do a painting class with a couple drinks. And, we are doing this wedding on a Sunday morning. It’s waaaaay cheaper. 

Post # 11
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

Even though my second wedding was a bit more expensive, it was smaller (didnt allow my parents to take control over the list) I invited 200 people (imagine how many were at my first wedding!!) but everyone invited was significant/relevant to us.

the first time I was 23 and didnt felt ready to get married in a church so I only had a civil ceremony, this time I was ready and a 100% sure and got married by the Catholic church I was 31 at the time of the wedding

first time I was soooo nervous the day off, I was hysterical! This time I was the happiest bride ever, I was sure and I didnt care what could go wrong, I was so sure of the choice I took, that it REALLY was all that mattered! 

First time I allowed my mom to pick anything and everything, this time I was aware and picked every single detail…it was ours, and it was perfect!! 

Whatever you do, as long as you are marrying th rigjt man, you’ll be fine! 

Post # 12
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Our first weddings (DH and I were both divorced when we met) we both went the huge formal wedding route- mainly to please our families/ expectations at the time. In fact that’s one of things I remember most about my first wedding was the stress of trying to do what my mom and mother in law wanted. When DH and I got married we had fun planning the laid back wedding WE wanted. 

Post # 13
Member
8010 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My first wedding we eloped to Vegas- so really it was only the cost of the marriage license. My second wedding we had 85 people attend and it cost $5000 total. I’m not a big Wedding person.

Post # 14
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

My first wedding was an elopement and I honestly regretted it. I would love to be ok with just doing a small thing, but I realized that I had a dream of wearing a white dress and celebrating with all of my friends and family, including those who’ve moved away, around us. So we’re doing a modest but still kinda large wedding of 75 people at my dream venue, which is a small cottage with a garden in my home town. 

For me, it’s more about having all of our friends, who have moved around the US, come together again like old times. I just got RSVP’s from our closest friends who’ve moved across the state, and they’re coming, and I am SO excited at the prospect of having a super awesome party with them again. In the scheme of how weddings go, it’s not going to be the most expensive (the venue and catering and staffing and everything was 9k) and we’ve gotten everything but the favors on clearance. 

I adore my fiancé and our relationship is so different from my first wedding – I know in my heart that this is it, so I am happy to celebrate it. 

Post # 15
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

First wedding: I was 22, my mom basically planned the whole thing, and my parents paid for it. 100 guests at a (not fancy) country club. 

Second wedding: Our immediate families in Hawaii. We went to a luau for our reception. It was easy and perfect. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors