- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Hi Bees- I am having concerns about my upcoming wedding. My HTB and I both have divorced parents- mine are both remarried, and his mother is remarried. His mom and stepdad bought my engagement ring as their contribution to the wedding, but his dad has said he will not contribute- which is fine. My mother and father do not get along and my mother refuses to mix finances with my father, which I understand. Instead, she is putting money toward helping us start our married life.
My big concern is that my dad is using the fact that he and my stepmom are financing the wedding as a way to keep my mom out of all aspects of the planning and the event. My mom is terribly hurt that she can’t share the experience with me, and my dad doesn’t see why he should include her if she isn’t paying for it. I have asked them to please talk to each other and sort out some civil agreement, but it did not go well. I love my parents and am very close with all of them, but I can’t seem to talk to them about this without the conversation ending in tears and resentment. My mom is afraid she’ll be left off the wedding invitation entirely, and now that my dad has expressed a desire to make it clear that he and my stepmom are throwing the party, I think she will be. I feel like I am in the middle of a grudge match and I don’t know how to make sure all of my parents feel respected.
Would it be completely tactless to ask my mom to officiate our wedding? This would make it so my father wouldn’t have to pay and my mom would have a visable role. I would like her to be involved and my HTB and I are not religious. Is this an absurd solution, or could it work? I don’t want my dad and stepmom to feel I am being disrespectful- I am extremely grateful for everything they’re doing- but I also want to keep my mom from being hurt. This whole thing has already been pretty painful. Any adivce?