(Closed) Divorced Parent Wedding Drama

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry but you mother is totally in the wrong for telling you your father has to pay for his and any of his guests plates at his DAUGHTER’S wedding! Not ok. Regardless of if she hates him, she at one point loved him enough to make you, so she’s gotta deal with him being at your wedding, whether he contributes or not.

If my mother tried to pull this shit with me, I’d tell her you either deal with him being there, or don’t come. It’s unfair of her to put you in this position.

Post # 5
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m so sorry that you are going through this, it sounds like such a hard situation.  I agree with PP that it is very unfair of your mother to put you in this situation.  This is your wedding and if you want your father there, he should be there.  Even if it is a hard for your mom to have him there. 

I would make sure that your mom knows how important it is to you to have your father there and that he is doing exactly what she asked of him.  It may not be an easy discussion but not having your father at your wedding is not something you will ever be able to change.

Post # 6
45652 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Too many ex’s just have never moved on. You Mom is letting her bitterness show through and it’s not attractive.

I would have a talk with her and remind her that this wedding is not about the state of her and your Dad’s relationship.  It has nothing to do with unpaid child support. That is a separate issue. It is about you and your FI’s wedding.

I would tell her that I wanted both ny parents at the wedding and ask her to act like a well- behave civil adult around my Dad. What if she was in the reverse position and was unable to help out with the wedding-either financially or otherwise? Would she expect to be shunted to the sidelines?

Post # 8
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think she’s out of line for pulling you back and forth, but as someone who also has divorced parents, I’m thinking maybe she thinks she deserves to walk you down the aisle? My mom worked her butt off to raise me and my siblings with no help from my dad so I know it would upset her if anyone but she walked me down.

Post # 9
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

For one day you mom needs to let go of her bitterness toward your day and think of your happiness.  She brought you into this situation and she doesn’t need to perpetuate your misery.

Post # 10
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

um it’s your wedding.   I don’t get how your mother thinks she can charge people to come to your wedding, is she billing anyone else?  

Their  CS drama BS is not your problem.  You need to have a chat … woman to woman about her drama overflowing into your day.  She needs to woman up and deal .. garnish his wages don’t charge him an entry fee to see his own kid get married.

 Also why can’t you pay for your dad to be there ? 

Post # 11
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would sit both down and tell them to quit acting like children, if they cant get their shit together than they both shouldn’t show up. Your wedding is about you and your FI not your parents bitterness toward each other

Post # 13
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have bitterly divorced parents. I told mom that I’d have dad walk down the aisle with my sister (the MOH) and even THAT was too much of an important processional walking partner! She acted like he got such a grand spot whereas I’m just hoping he’ll understand and agree to not walking me down the aisle. It’s really quite frustrating. It probably bothers her because my sister and dad have a good relationship, and she’s in the middle of a child support battle between my parents despite being in her last year of college. He kind of realized that his child support wasn’t quite reaching his kids in college and started paying my sister directly a few years into college so she coulld afford to live near her school. 

I get quite a few people saying “can’t your parents put aside their issues for one day” and for some situations the answer is simply “no”. If I ask them face to face they’ll say yes…but they’re impulsive people with tempers so…

Basically I feel for you, but don’t let it ruin your day. I’m going to let my parents stress me all the way up until the day of. And after that, screw it, I’m going to have fun.

Post # 14
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it’s incredibly selfish and sad that she is putting you in this situation.  It’s your wedding.  She shouldn’t be agreeing to pay, to then say only if she approves the guest list.  Whether she hates him or not, he’s your dad.  His family is YOUR family.

I would seriously consider eloping at this point, or paying for the whole thing myself, even if I needed a loan.  This is manipulative.  Your father is seriously being CHARGED to attend your wedding.  Is she charging her family too?  How very very sad.

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