- 6 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
Hi Bees, I’m wondering how other people have handled this situation. My FI’s parents have been divorced since he was 6 and his sister was 2. His dad raised them until high school, when custody transferred to their mom (financial decision). His parents have not been in the same room in probably 10 years, maybe more. His mom has been remarried for 20+ years, and his dad has his own life. However, to hear them talk you’d think the divorce had happened last week. We literally joke with each other that if one of them makes it more than 10 minutes without sh*t-talking the other they should get a prize for the day. Anyway, we have no confidence that either of them can act like adults for the rehearsal and wedding itself. They have both made comments about one another’s daily choices (how they even know anything about each other at this point is beyond me) and are generally just snarky and negative about one another. Anytime we do something with one the other gets offended, hurt, disapproves, etc. His mom (his parents are paying for the rehersal dinner) says she does not want his dad at the rehersal or dinner. His dad feels that he raised Fiance from when he was a kid and has been more of a parent to him than the mom. I have no idea how we’re going to handle anything about the wedding, from walking into the ceremony to seating at the reception to introductions/dances/etc.
So far our solution is:
-he walks in the the officiant, not with his mom or dad. MOG and SFOG walk in together, FOG walks in…. ?alone? not really sure since SOG is a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
-no programs = no need to name parents = no need to put one before the other (yes they are that childish) also no introductions of parents at the reception
-invitations will read you are invited to the wedding of SoonToBeMrsBoo, daughter of FOB and MOB, to MrBoo, son of SFOG and MOG and FOG (separate lines)
-he dances with his mom, i dance with my dad, we bribe his sister to dance with their dad during some random slow song
We have no idea what to do about seating at the reception though. We’re doing a sweetheart table, so each set of parents will have their own table. Only FOG doesn’t have a ton of family who will be coming (most are Orthodox/live far away and wedding is on a Saturday) so he doesn’t really need his own table. We could put him with my parents, but they don’t really know him. Also then we don’t know what to do wiht his sister–which parent does she sit with? argh. Also MOG’s sisters and mom are nuts (seriously, I love them but they cannot kepe their mouths shut) and I can just see them going up to his dad and starting stuff at the wedding. At least I know his dad will just avoid people he doesn’t want to talk to, but… and then there’s pictures, and boutioneers, and toasts, and…..
Etc etc etc. We have already both given them lectures on how we expect that they love us more than they dislike one another and expect them to act like adults. Given that there was two weeks of drama and coordination around both of them coming to a BBQ we had last month since they couldn’t/wouldn’t be there at the same time I don’t think what we’ve said is working.
Sorry for the long vent, and thanks for reading this. I’d love to hear about how anyone else has dealt with this/is planning on dealing with a situation like this. I assume there’s a better option than just muzzling them both until the wedding is over.