(Closed) Divorced parents and the freaking holidays

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

@ktbrady: If I was in your position I’d eat dinner at the earlier parents house, then maybe run over to the next and catch desert. There’s no perfect way to do this I suppose but at least being at each place for a little while is awesome. Or, you could go to one parents house then take the other out for dinner or brunch or something that weekend.

 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ktbrady: Can you ask one of them to have theirs later? Maybe if you and your brother approach mom or dad together. It sounds like your mom’s is just the 3 of them, so I can’t imagine it would be asking for much.

One of my aunts is hosting a dinner party the Saturday after Thanksgiving, so she can celebrate with my uncle’s side of the family (after celebrating with her side on the day).

ETA: My parents don’t get along and live in different states! I just don’t get to see them both for every holiday. When I was little (and they were married), we went to a lot of holiday dinners. I have a very large extended family. I think we usually ate at my grandmothers with all my aunts and uncles, then went visiting to each of my great-aunts and great-uncles houses. Looking back I have no clue how they did it!

Post # 5
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I 100% hear you. My parents are NOT divorced, but its a fight every year with my parents and my inlaws for Christmas. My parents always want us on Christmas…more specifically, Christmas afternoon/evening. That would be fine if my inlaws would be ok having us on Christmas Eve and through Christmas afternoon, but of course, they don’t like that. It’s either Christmas night or the day after…

I try to compromise, I really do…and I don’t think my parents are really asking for that much with Christmas night, but his family always tries to take that time, and I think it’s ridiculous that they know that’s the one and only time my entire family can get together, but they always want that time too. I have a neice and nephew on my side of the family, and on their side, it’s just us and my Brother-In-Law. My Brother-In-Law is not married and he lives at home with them. So not as much fun as watching my niece and nephew opening their gifts! Not to mention, I’m one of three, we all have significant others, and there’s also my parents. So we have lots of fun Christmases together. But until we have down what exactly we’re doing, I can’t relax b/c everyone just makes it so difficult!

So I’m sorry that your mom and dad can’t cooperate and have Thanksgiving at different times. It’s really frustrating!

Post # 7
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Growing up my siblings and I would have four thanksgivings.  Mom’s family, dad’s family, step-dad’s family, and step-mom’s family.  The step family dinners were the big Thanksgiving types.  My dad’s family usually did something on Saturday, which took the stress off.  My mom’s family has done Thanksgiving breakfast/brunch, or Friday meal. 

Since the step-families were very large and had ‘been at that time forever’ there wasn’t much we could do.  One started at 2pm and one started at 4pm and they were ~45 minutes apart.  So we’d make sure it was okay to show up early at house #1 for appetizers and dinner, but make sure everyone knew we had to leave at 4pm.  So we’d race over to house #2 where they were just started on second helpings.  Perfect.  We’d get small plates, and eat pie at house #2. 

The hardest part (after expectations were set) was to pace your eating and not fill up at house #1, because house #2 would be very very sad if you came and didn’t eat.

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

So you are screwed either way right?  Since you are, I would not pull myself in ten million directinons.  YOU can only do too much.  I would split the time up however it would work for ME and then they will have to deal with it if they are not happy.

I think I would go a little early to your moms and then leave at 1:30-1:45 and then be at your dads for a couple of hours.  Just don’t stuff yourself at either.

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