- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
Hello all! I’ve been reading weddingbee for a while and have now decided to jump in. Have any of you had problems with your parents showing interest and getting along with your fiance? I’ve been having huge problems lately.
Let me start off by saying that my parents are divorced and are both remarried. My mom and stepfather have been nothing but supportive and excited for us, as have my fiance’s parents. Both sides of my family have offered to pay for the wedding for us (a very nice gesture, as we were planning on paying for our wedding ourselves). My dad and stepmother, however, seem very uninterested in the wedding and marriage. They keep pressuring us to have a big huge reception (which we do not want, we prefer something shorter and more intimate) and as soon as I put my foot down and told them that we are absolutely not having a big one, they closed off completely and don’t even care about discussing anything to do with the wedding.
It turns out that the reason they wanted to give us a big huge reception is to show up my mom and stepdad. My dad says he wouldn’t feel comfortable having a reception at a smaller place or at my mom’s church because he feels like it would be on my mom’s “turf” and would be unable to escape her. But my fiance and I definitely don’t want a large reception. When my fiance called my dad to discuss this with him, my dad actually hung up on him after telling my fiance that the wedding wasn’t only about us getting married, it was about the family being comfortable. Now my dad and stepmother have nothing but negative things to say about my fiance, which are not only ridiculous but very rude.
To give you a bit of background, my dad and stepmother have a very rigid way of thinking. Growing up, us kids were basically just there to help around the house and we were in no way allowed to voice any opinions that differed from theirs. They still expect people younger than them to treat them with undying devotion and agree with them at all times, and were horribly offended when my fiance tried to nicely ask them to get over their differences with my mom for one day so everyone could have a pleasant time at our wedding. They are upset that my fiance is not taking their “side” in the divorce and now want nothing to do with the wedding. They keep saying they will pay for anything we need, but every time I try to discuss anything with them (not just wedding stuff, but anything to do with my life) they don’t even carry on a conversation with me.
Now, I’m not too sure what to do in this situation. All I want is to have a nice wedding where all the parents will just get along and get over themselves for a couple hours so I can start my life with my future husband. For some reason my dad is bringing up all the past issues with his and my mom’s divorce (which happened 18 years ago, by the way). My mom and stepdad have had nothing but positive things to say about the other side of my family and are very excited about the upcoming wedding.
I’m getting to the point now where I am just ready to call off the wedding and elope. I’m finding very little joy in the planning and am tired of trying to babysit my parents through this process. How can I get my dad and my stepmother to get out of their pit of bitterness and not make this a miserable occasion for me?