(Closed) Divorced Parents = Difficult Mother! Words of Encouragement Anyone?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Since she’s not bending at all, maybe just absolve of her wedding party responsibilities and let her wear whatever she wants?

Once she sees that you’re taking her needs into account, maybe she will become more accomodating…

Post # 5
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Given that it’s become such an issue, I would consider relaxing the color rules for everyone?That would make it fair across both moms and maybe de-escalate things a bit…

Post # 6
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

oh my dear.  my mother flat out proclaims how she does not believe in marriage and believes weddings are a waste of money.  i’m just planning on not discussing many details with her.  you are not alone!

i’d give up on the color rule for her.  sounds like she’s not going to budge anyway. 

Post # 9
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Cine: maybe just let this one go and spend your energy focusing on all the people who aren’t causing drama.  thank god for girlfriends!

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think you need to stop looking at the woman as your mother but as an adult and if she flat out refuses to walk down the aisle with her ex husband then i think that should be respected.

doesnt mean you are being unreasonable in your request but she obviously has her own demons to deal with in regards to the man/their marriage/her thoughts and i think you are only upsetting yourself more by being refused constantly

hopefully everything else will fall in place for you – on the day you will be walking towards your Fiance so focus on that – goodluck!

 

Post # 12
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I always think it looks best when it is just the dad.  The three person walk can sometimes take the focus of the bride.  This way everyone can see you.  I know you are disappointed, but we can not control others just ourselves.  Just leave your mother alone.  You were being a good daughter by trying to get her involved, but she doesn’t want to.  Ultimately it is her that is losing.  This is a time to remain focused on all the positive things in your life.  Focus on what you have, not what you don’t.  

Post # 13
Member
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m with @florencep: just let it go. It is hard for 3 people to walk gracefully down the aisle.

Lay off about her dress. The reality is she is an adult and you can’t make her do anything. She may surprise you and find a purple dress.

Post # 14
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@julies1949: i disagree- in Jewish weddings, both parents walk the bride AND the groom down the aisle, and it is very nice and now awkward, but in this case, mummy dearest will probably MAKE it awkward.

Post # 15
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

First, I am so very sorry your mom is acting like this.  I think it’s a shame that your mom is unable to put her angry feelings about your dad on hold for a few hours to walk her daughter down the aisle.  That is so very sad. We had similar issues with MIL; I was afraid she would try to start something with Father-In-Law during the reception so everyone was told ahead of time that if they started anything, they would be escorted out.  Thankfully no one tried to start anything with anyone. 

Second, having both parents walk you down is not awkward or distracting. 

As for the dress, she is an adult afterall and while I totally, totally get why you can’t just say “Hey, where what you want” because of the problems you have had with your Future Mother-In-Law, you cannot actually force your mom to do anything.  In the end, your moms behavior will be on her, not you, which reminds me- You are not responsible for your moms behavior.  That is on her 110%.  Yeah, your Future Mother-In-Law may be annoyed that she listened to you guys and went with purple, which is why I would keep reinforcing the purple but maybe not put so much energy into it.  Come up with a mantra that you can say when your mom asks you about the dress, you know what I mean?  In the end she will do what she wants but it will be a reflection of HER not you!

Post # 16
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

*”not awkward”, now “now awkward”

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