(Closed) Divorced Parents Drama

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Yep in the same boat expect the other way around.  My Dad insisted that his new wife be invited to the showers too.  So I had two one for the FMIL’s family where I included my step-mom and then the 2nd one where my mom and her family attended. As it turned out my step-brother’s baby was born so my step-mom went to see the new baby.  So my mom came instead.

Now we have the Rehearsal Dinner and the wedding to deal with in 2 weeks !!!

I’m having assigned tables at the Rehearsal Dinner so that I can put my Dad in one corner of the room and my mom in the other. I’m not so concerned with the wedding reception because we will have 220 guests so they can keep good distance between them.

I don’t know yet about seating for the ceremony. Because he needs to walk me down the asile and thus needs an asile seat.  I also have 2 prego BMs that will need a chair in the front row to sit down once they get up there.  And then my Dad’s mom is in a wheelchair so she needs an asile seat too.

Just try your best to keep distance between them.  One thing my brother did at his wedding was he put my grandparents in between the two of them during the ceremony.

Post # 4
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My parents split 14 years ago. My dad wanted it because, my mother is simply a little crazy. Well, this is the time I’ve always dreaded. My mother has yet to come to any of my showers (I’ve had 3 and will have my last one this saturday) and will most likely not show up to my wedding because of my step mom. I find it immature and selfish for a mother or actually, just any parent, to act like that. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It does suck. I feel your pain. Hope it gets better for you!

Post # 5
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am going through the same kind of thing right now.  FI’s dad and his mom went through a nasty divorce, and they strongly dislike each other.  FI’s dad doesn’t want her to come to the rehearsal dinner, while I think it’s not right to exclude her.  His mom is stressed out because she doesn’t want to see him or have to be in pictures with him on the day of the wedding.  To futher complicate things, his dad is engaged to another woman. 

We are basically just making sure his dad, his dad’s fiance and his mom sit nowhere near each other at the ceremony or the reception.  For the shower, I’m inviting his mother, but I just plan to explain to his dad’s fiance that it’s probably not in her best interest to attend the shower.  His mom and his dad’s fiance don’t like each other either, so in order to avoid a confrontation, I think it’s best if they both aren’t in the same room. 

I have no idea what to do for the rehearsal dinner 🙁  I think they all need to be there, but I have no idea how it’s going to pan out.  It’s so hard when everyone is so angry towards each other.  I’m just hoping everyone can just play the role of the bigger person… but we’ll see. 

Basically, I feel your pain and I hope things work out for you, too!

Post # 6
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am in a similar situation, also. Aside from seating them away from each other at all times, I would also explain the situation to your photographer to avoid any awkward “Let’s take a picture of mom and dad!” moments. Include a guide to family members with your shot sheet. Also- have a heart-to-heart talk with your mom’s fiance. Unless he is a huge jerk, this is an awkward situation for him too and he doesn’t want to make things worse for you. If you explain your feelings to him, and to your mother, and let them share their feelings with you, it could go a long way to smoothing the way and avoiding hurt feelings.

Trust me, I have been doing this particular dance since I was 11 years old.

Post # 7
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

My IL’s have been split for almost 18 years and Mother-In-Law is still not over it.  She made demands and threatened to not attend if she was not respected.  Some Darling Husband agreed with so we didn’t give the step mom a corsage, she wasn’t seated (in the end no one was) and she wasn’t supposed to sit in the second row with Father-In-Law.  However she did end up in the second row (I only realized this with pics and giggled) but I don’t know if Darling Husband or Mother-In-Law noticed.  It’s beyond possible for Mother-In-Law to be the bigger person and just deal with it for 2 days out of her life.  We had to set up extra tables at the reception hall so there would be a lot of room between them but they ended up sitting a couple tables away from each other anyways.  Mother-In-Law didn’t come to the rehearsal dinner so that solved itself in a way.

What is it that you want? Do you want them both on the front row?  Could you talk to them and lay out some ground rules and just ask them to be the bigger person for 30 minutes? 

Post # 13
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I totally know what you are dealing with! My parents got divorced 8 years ago and my dad still cannot get over it. I am the oldest of three children and the first to get married. The wedding could be a disaster. I have just come to realize that it is my day. They both need to put aside their own feelings and focus on their daughter being happy and starting her married life. When feelings are hurt it makes everything that much harder.

Post # 15
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have an idea of what you’re going through, although it’s Mr. Frugal’s parents who are divorced.

My Future Father-In-Law cheated on my Future Mother-In-Law throughout their marriage, and he’s now married to one of the women he had an affair with. Future Mother-In-Law is also remarried and very happy, but she’s still very bitter about the whole ordeal, even though she denies still holding it against them. Usually the four of them don’t have any reason to be in the same room together, but with Mr. Frugal and his brother both growing up (for lack of a better word), there have been a number of weddings/baby’s/showers/etc. which have thrown the parents (and step-parents) together. Then the kids all have to deal with Dad making fun of Step-Dad, and Mom saying Step-Mom dresses like a tramp, and Step-Mom saying that Mom dresses like an old bat. In a few weeks Mom will be throwing a baby shower for her DIL, but rather than accepting her invitation to the shower Step-Mom will be planning her own shower. 

It’s just ridiculous, they’re all acting like children. Mr. Frugal and I have a one-year old together, and we’re getting extremely sick of Mom and Dad talking crap about one another in front of us, and as well their grandchild, who will eventually start to pick up on the negative things being said. 

By no means do my parents have the best relationship, and I think that they remain together largely out of convenience. But if I had to deal first-hand with the crap Mr. Frugal has to go through (and you ladies, too!) I think I would pull my hair out!

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