(Closed) Divorced parents sitting together at reception?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

This is a bad idea. We have a smiliar situation with my FH’s parents and we’re separating them at the reception.

Post # 4
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Absolutely too much.  Why would you put her through that?  Sit her with HER family, not her ex husband and his “mistress” (which is what your mother probably views her as)

Post # 5
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

If this will make your mom upset, why do you want it? Don’t you want them all to enjoy your wedding?

Post # 6
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@kjo:  And I dont mean anything rude by calling her mistress, I understand you are over that and lover her too.  I used that word because I am sure thats how your mother still feels.

Post # 7
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Separate tables to keep them happy. What’s the point in having them all at one table when they will all be miserable? If keeping them with other family members will keep the peace, your wedding will be much more enjoyable for all involved.

Post # 8
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You should ask your mother how she feels, and also express to her how much it would mean to you if they could all sit together for this one special day. In the end if your mom  really does not want to sit next to her ex husband then maybe you should try to take into consideration how she feels and sit her somewhere else. You wouldn’t want anyone to have a bad time at your wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yes it asking too much in my opinion. I don’t see what if anything positive can be gained from sitting them together. I think it’s fair to as your Mom to be polite, or too sit up front. But I think your Mom deserves to enjoy the wedding reception so sit her with people she likes and will enjoy her time with.

Even if they were friendly I really don’t see why they would be seated together. Let them sit with is wife and his side of the family and the same for her.

Post # 11
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don’t mean to be rude but seating them at the same table will not make your family whole. Is it really so important to you to see your three parents sitting together at dinner even knowing there is tension between them and that their feelings for each other, namely your birth mother’s, do not match your own?

Have you discussed this with your birth mother yet? 

Post # 12
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

What do you get out of them sitting together? Probably not much so I would make both parties comfortable by sitting at different tables.

Post # 13
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@fzesguer:  +1. Even if you think this will make you happy, you don’t want your wedding to be all fake smiles and tension. You will regret it. Them sitting together will not fix anything

Post # 14
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@fzesguer:  +1. Seat your mom with her family and your dad with his. There’s no reason to make everyone miserable by making them sit with people they don’t like. What makes you think that seating them at separate tables will be bad for your wedding.

Post # 15
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@creativeone710:  after mulling it over, one way I actually COULD see this work is if you did a long table, and did your mom on one side of you, and your dad on the other. This way they would not have to look at each other, but you would still be presented outwardly as one unit.

I don’t mean this to be mean (which is usually a bad lead off, I know) but I think that it’s a little self centered to make your parents miserable to play out a fantasy that will not happen naturally, especially on a day that is already all about you but that is also special for them. Everyone at your wedding will be looking at them, and if they are faking their happiness sitting at the table with each other, that will be awkward for everyone at your wedding. Don’t you want everyone to be talking about how beautiful and happy you are, and not how weird and uncomfortable the seating arrangement is? If you parents’ divorce has affected you this much, maybe you should see a therapist if you haven’t already.

 

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